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April 20 2024 6.56am

Diagnosed with Depression. Help?

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View Stuart Shave's Profile Stuart Shave Flag Hampshire 11 Jun 14 7.51pm Send a Private Message to Stuart Shave Add Stuart Shave as a friend

I don't really know where to start. It's all a bit embarrassing really but I'm seekeing advice from all kinds of avenues. If anybody can help with some sound advice.

I've made a lot of mistakes over the last 10 years - in particular relationships. In 2003, I was flattered when I was approached by a married woman. We ended up having an affair for 6 months. Her husband found out at that point but she was adamant that she wouldn't give me up and for 2 and a half years longer I waited and waited (because of children) for us to become official. It never happened and I was devastated that I'd put my life on hold for 3 years. Stupid but heartbroken. I've never really got over it and still think about her on a regular basis.

I then followed that up in 2007 with getting close to one of my best mates wife (they were seperated) she cofided in me, did all the running and I was hooked again. I battled against my feelings for my friend and my new found feelings for her and I choose her with a 1 year old daughter. We have been together ever since and have a 3 year old boy but with the relationship came real stresses - not only with our circle of friends because of the obvious, but the gulit that I've always felt about it.

I have also since 2009 been made redundant 4 times and been saddled with massive debt. That has caused many problems between us with massive arguements. In February this year I moved out of the house to give us both some breathing space. Between now and then there have continued to be arguements but also some ups and I've never stopped loving her and am still desperate to keep our family together. The messages and signals she has been giving out made me think she wanted the same, even as short time ago as May 24th. On Sunday just gone she told me she's started seeing somebody new - a week after my last redundancy and I'm just devastated.

I have made lots of mistakes over the last 10 years and taken wrong turns together with a lot of bad luck and right now I'm on my own and fearing the worst and that I'm going to be stuck in a rut for the rest of my life. I miss my son terribly and want him with me all the time. We have a routine as to when I see him which is great - I'm only 10 mins away, but even 90% of the time will never be enough and because of my mental state at the moment she won't let me see him knowing full well he's the air that I breathe right now.

My doctor has diagosed me with depression caused by all of the above and given me some tablets. Regardless of the depression I've always been a worrier and I just don't know how I can move forward at the moment. It's all I think about. I'm barely sleeping and not eating and constantly looking at old photos and old emails of love.

Is there anybody who has been diagnosed with depression in recent times that can help me move on? Sorry if it's a bit a morbid subject, but right now I really need all the help I can get.

 

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maximusp80 Flag Newbury 11 Jun 14 7.59pm

Hi Stuart, I feel a bit like dear Deirdre here lol but seriously I can give you a lot of advice as I've had a lot of experience personally and stil going through it. What is your personal email?

 

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View Stirlingsays's Profile Stirlingsays Flag 11 Jun 14 8.09pm Send a Private Message to Stirlingsays Holmesdale Online Elite Member Add Stirlingsays as a friend

I've known a person who's had it.....It's a part of her make up but she learnt to deal with it.

As usual in life there are no magic bullets for anything.

You have to let go of what you can't control. Not your son of course as you have rights there but outside of that.....Only focus upon what you can control.

Lost love is just that....Lost.

Make a new story and throw the old stuff out....Or at least put it in the loft and ban yourself from looking at it.

 


'Who are you and how did you get in here? I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith.' (Leslie Nielsen)

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Pussay Patrol Flag 11 Jun 14 8.15pm

You betrayed your best friend and had an affair with his missus, after doing the same with another married woman.

and yet all you can think about is how it affects you?

Why should anyone have any sympathy with a selfish homewrecker like you?

 


Paua oouaarancì Irà chiyeah Ishé galé ma ba oo ah

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View Stuart Shave's Profile Stuart Shave Flag Hampshire 11 Jun 14 8.18pm Send a Private Message to Stuart Shave Add Stuart Shave as a friend

Quote Pussay Patrol at 11 Jun 2014 8.15pm

You betrayed your best friend and had an affair with his missus, after doing the same with another married woman.

and yet all you can think about is how it affects you?

Why should anyone have any sympathy with a selfish homewrecker like you?

I'm not looking for sympathy. I'm looking for help. As I said I made some mistakes. I didn't go looking for any of it. I was weak and got flattered. We've all made mistakes surely.

What goes around comes around I know.

Edited by Stuart Shave (11 Jun 2014 8.19pm)

 

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View TUX's Profile TUX Flag redhill 11 Jun 14 8.31pm Send a Private Message to TUX Add TUX as a friend

I then followed that up in 2007 with getting close to one of my best mates wife (they were seperated) she cofided in me, did all the running and I was hooked again.
----------------------------

I stopped reading here. This is all I need to know about you.

 

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View Stuart Shave's Profile Stuart Shave Flag Hampshire 11 Jun 14 8.34pm Send a Private Message to Stuart Shave Add Stuart Shave as a friend

Quote TUX at 11 Jun 2014 8.31pm

I then followed that up in 2007 with getting close to one of my best mates wife (they were seperated) she cofided in me, did all the running and I was hooked again.
----------------------------

I stopped reading here. This is all I need to know about you.

Yes. somebody who has took some wrong decisions in life. I didn't realise everybody on here led such a perfect and blameless life.

 

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View gambler's Profile gambler Flag Kent 11 Jun 14 8.36pm Send a Private Message to gambler Add gambler as a friend

Quote TUX at 11 Jun 2014 8.31pm

I then followed that up in 2007 with getting close to one of my best mates wife (they were seperated) she cofided in me, did all the running and I was hooked again.
----------------------------

I stopped reading here. This is all I need to know about you.


You're entitled to your opinion about what he did, of course, but did you really need to post that when the bloke is obviously feeling low already? Sometimes it's best not to say anything at all?

Good luck Stuart, can't really help you myself, but wish you all the best. Remember, you don't know what's around the corner. The best times of your life are probably still to come

 

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View Stuart Shave's Profile Stuart Shave Flag Hampshire 11 Jun 14 8.43pm Send a Private Message to Stuart Shave Add Stuart Shave as a friend

Quote gambler at 11 Jun 2014 8.36pm

Quote TUX at 11 Jun 2014 8.31pm

I then followed that up in 2007 with getting close to one of my best mates wife (they were seperated) she cofided in me, did all the running and I was hooked again.
----------------------------

I stopped reading here. This is all I need to know about you.

You're entitled to your opinion about what he did, of course, but did you really need to post that when the bloke is obviously feeling low already? Sometimes it's best not to say anything at all?

Good luck Stuart, can't really help you myself, but wish you all the best. Remember, you don't know what's around the corner. The best times of your life are probably still to come


Thank you. I'm not proud of anything I did. I know I did it with a heavy heart and did not think of just myself as a previous poster said. I still think about it now and always have done, hence my condition now. I was weak and flattered on both occasions and I couldn't help the feelings that developed. I wish I had been strong enough to walk away. I wasn't and I'm suffering the consequences now if it makes some of you feel better. Mistakes and wrong decisons are made in everyday life.

 

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View TUX's Profile TUX Flag redhill 11 Jun 14 8.46pm Send a Private Message to TUX Add TUX as a friend

Quote gambler at 11 Jun 2014 8.36pm

Quote TUX at 11 Jun 2014 8.31pm

I then followed that up in 2007 with getting close to one of my best mates wife (they were seperated) she cofided in me, did all the running and I was hooked again.
----------------------------

I stopped reading here. This is all I need to know about you.


You're entitled to your opinion about what he did, of course, but did you really need to post that when the bloke is obviously feeling low already? Sometimes it's best not to say anything at all?

Good luck Stuart, can't really help you myself, but wish you all the best. Remember, you don't know what's around the corner. The best times of your life are probably still to come

He shagged his best mates wife. In my book that is a no-no.
If the bloke who posted is 'so low' then why does he stick it on a forum?

You're right in one respect bud. Sometimes it better to say nothing at all

 

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View Mapletree's Profile Mapletree Flag Croydon 11 Jun 14 8.47pm Send a Private Message to Mapletree Add Mapletree as a friend

As I understand it the exam question here is:

''Is there anybody who has been diagnosed with depression in recent times that can help me move on?''

It isn't 'I want your opinion and will allow you to ritually beat me for my foolishness'.

Any other form of illness and I am sure people wouldn't be ripping into you Stuart, even if it was self-inflicted. ''Anyone here got diabetes? Should have lived a better life then.''

My daughter has a mate who has just been diagnosed, taking Prozac and actually seems to have improved. This may sound bizarre but do you exercise? Good for stress build-up and endorphins. It seems to be helping her.

I reckon this is going to take time and hopefully, given you have opened up so radically on this site, people will rally around you and give you support.

And next time, make the running yourself with the ladies and select for yourself eh?

 

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maximusp80 Flag Newbury 11 Jun 14 8.58pm

Stuart, at the end of the day I'm sure you are more than aware of what hurt you've caused, you also have to realise that no one is whiter than white and we all make mistakes, maybe not equal but we all do it and have two choices, to crack on or sit and mope. the fact you are asking for help indicates you want help to not make the same mistskes again so as much as you've messed up you can't punish yourself forever. Did you get my gmail message?

 

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