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April 20 2024 3.54am

Great HOL s***-off

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View matt_himself's Profile matt_himself Flag Matataland 28 Sep 15 3.07pm Send a Private Message to matt_himself Add matt_himself as a friend

I was thinking that maybe we should have a reality-type thing based upon s***ting.

We could set targets each week - maybe who can have the most, the biggest, the one that most looks like Gus Poyet, the one in the most unusual place - and then after twelve weeks, HOL's champion s***ter could be named based on a predetermined points system.

Who is up for this?

 


"That was fun and to round off the day, I am off to steal a charity collection box and then desecrate a place of worship.” - Smokey, The Selhurst Arms, 26/02/02

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View Part Time James's Profile Part Time James Flag 28 Sep 15 4.10pm Send a Private Message to Part Time James Add Part Time James as a friend

Maybe we could put it on TV. Could Gillian McKeith get a part on the panel? Kind of like a sh*t critic version of Simon Cowell.

Maybe she could spin around on a chair like in The Voice lamenting failed endeavours from constipated contestants.

Just thinking out loud now, this as probably already been done.

Edited by Part Time James (28 Sep 2015 4.10pm)

 




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Hoof Hearted 28 Sep 15 4.33pm

It could be done online with all contestants required to "log on"

 

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View Part Time James's Profile Part Time James Flag 28 Sep 15 4.35pm Send a Private Message to Part Time James Add Part Time James as a friend

Quote Hoof Hearted at 28 Sep 2015 4.33pm

It could be done online with all contestants required to "log on"


Magical.

 




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View robforbe's Profile robforbe Flag cornwall 28 Sep 15 4.44pm Send a Private Message to robforbe Add robforbe as a friend

Beare green service station, absolutely chomping at the bit, there is one Disabled/unisex bog which was occupied with a woman waiting to go in, my need was great,when it became free I literally picked up this woman and moved her out of the way and went in to unleash hell ,it was a proper pan busting power dump.
I was still on the forecourt when she came out after my 'visit' - the look she shot me was more filthy and evil than what I produced.

Lancing beach public convenience, been out for a long beach walk on a nice September day , when I out of the blue I got the rumble from down under, walked like a penguin/ cowboy, got there- couldn't drop my kekks quick enough, pure silage shot out of my arris at an almost vertical angle with the force of an industrial power washer went everywhere - up the wall about 5 feet, round the bowl, on the floor- everywhere except the pan, Pity the poor barsteward that was on the cleaning rota!

 

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View Mr Palaceman's Profile Mr Palaceman Flag 28 Sep 15 4.46pm Send a Private Message to Mr Palaceman Add Mr Palaceman as a friend

Quote Hoof Hearted at 28 Sep 2015 4.33pm

It could be done online with all contestants required to "log on"


LOL, classic, I laughed so hard, I became a contestant.

 


"You can lead a horse to water but a pencil must be lead"

Stan Laurel

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View robforbe's Profile robforbe Flag cornwall 28 Sep 15 4.51pm Send a Private Message to robforbe Add robforbe as a friend

You would not think that you could make things worse in the cubicle at The Cherries on a match day- I did though!

 

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View robforbe's Profile robforbe Flag cornwall 28 Sep 15 5.02pm Send a Private Message to robforbe Add robforbe as a friend

Redhill multi story car park, been out for the day with my mum, she had done some laundry for me, walking back to my car when the panic set in- nowhere to turn the bogs were too far away, nothing for it had to leave a rather large walnut whip in the corner of the carpark, cleaned up with a sock.

 

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View robforbe's Profile robforbe Flag cornwall 28 Sep 15 5.08pm Send a Private Message to robforbe Add robforbe as a friend

There was a similar thread on here or the bbs, where someone went into the bogs in the Holmesdale and commented that the previous incumbent had done something which looked like 'king kong had crammed himself into the pan', and that the s***ee surely must had died passing that!

 

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View Superfly's Profile Superfly Flag The sun always shines in Catford 28 Sep 15 5.46pm Send a Private Message to Superfly Add Superfly as a friend

In Amsterdam*, I once did a plopsy so huge that I had to take a photo of it which I have retained to this day.

I'm sure the mods wouldn't appreciate me posting it up so pm me if you would like a butchers.


*they have a handy little shelving system in the sh1tter that makes it much easier for post def examination but bumps up the smell quota a notch or two. It doesn't leave much room either - if I hadn't stood up to wipe my bumhole, I would've scraped my knuckles through the turd.

 


Lend me a Tenor

31 May to 3 June 2017

John McIntosh Arts Centre
London Oratory School
SW6 1RX

with Superfly in the chorus
[Link]

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View mezzer's Profile mezzer Flag Main Stand, Block F, Row 20 seat 1... 28 Sep 15 5.47pm Send a Private Message to mezzer Add mezzer as a friend

Quote matt_himself at 28 Sep 2015 3.07pm

I was thinking that maybe we should have a reality-type thing based upon s***ting.

We could set targets each week - maybe who can have the most, the biggest, the one that most looks like Gus Poyet, the one in the most unusual place - and then after twelve weeks, HOL's champion s***ter could be named based on a predetermined points system.

Who is up for this?


Crap idea

 


Living down here does have some advantages. At least you can see them cry.

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View rednblueblood's Profile rednblueblood 28 Sep 15 10.49pm Send a Private Message to rednblueblood Add rednblueblood as a friend

Last year I went out for a meal and a few beers.On the walk home I felt the need of the loo. When I got home,around 12ish,my wife was in bed and I had forgotten my keys.15 mins of calling her phone and knocking on the door did not wake her up. By now I was busting,so in the dark I walked round to the back garden and took a dump behind the shed on a patch of waste ground were was weeds grow. After I managed to wake the wife and get in,get myself cleaned up and a good nights sleep. In the morning I returned to the scene of the crime and gave it a proper burial.
Nothing grows on that patch of soil anymore.

 


In dog beers I’ve only had one.

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