The king of crap jokes, what do you call a fish with no eyes ?

Fsh

My 7 year old asked me What do you call an deer with no eyes? No idea.

Told her what do you call i deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea

But stopped at what do you call a deer with no legs, no eyes and no p****? Still no f@@@ing idea

One supporter of hacking argued that without it "you will do away with the courage and pluck of the game, and I will be bound to bring over a lot of Frenchmen who would beat you with a week's practice -Blackheath secretary at first meeting of the F.A

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.

'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?

'Feels great', he replied; 'but I still think my thumb's broken!'

Touch my coffee and I will slap you so hard even Google won't be able to find you.

Blind bloke walks into a fishmongers and says, "hello ladies!"

...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

Bloke goes into a posh lingerie shop and asks the assistant, "Excuse me, can you help? I'm looking for some really high quality underwear for my girlfriend, something a woman would really love."

"Certainly, sir," she replies, "are you looking to get something special in particular?"

"Nah, just a shag."

Edited by Johnny Eagles (07 Aug 2014 1.45pm)

...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

You Have to have A Positive Attitude...

Thursday night he gradually came out of his coma.
Stiff as a board and in pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose & down his throat, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him.
It was obvious he'd been in a serious accident.

She gave him a deep and steady heartfelt look straight in the eyes, and he heard her slowly say, “You may not feel anything from the waist down.”

He somehow managed to mumble in reply, “Can I just fondle your tits then?”

I used to be immortal