July 1 2001
Many Palace fans have witnessed some hilarious incidents while at Selhurst Park. Here is a selection...
I seem to remember a very amusing game this season against Tranmere in the cup. We won on pens but there were amusing moments.
Like when they scored a pen and the bloke went to celebrate but tripped over on the net and when one of their player tried to get in the way of a clearence by one of his own team and the ball smacked him in the groin. That was very funny and we won so wicked.
I remember when me and my mate were walking to Selhurst Park and there was a dad and son in front of us. Then the dad totally stacked it and instead of just like tripping, he started going all over the place while trying to get his balance, hitting against parked cars, and eventually ended up on the floor!
Then his son looked around at the people laughing and then at his dad and said "Dad, what are you doing??!!"
I have a particular memory of GerryQueen being thrown out by the Old Bill in 1981 when we played the Seaweed. It was in the standing enclosure in front of the Arthur Wait.
Needless to say it was packed. As usual in these type of matches, you see a fair few hard nuts whom you don't recognise. On this occasion a stream of such blokes flowed in past me, GQ and our mate Des.
At some point during the game, somebody in our cramped area shouted "Oi, 'ee's got a Brighton 'at on!!" and pointed at some poor sod several rows in front! Instantaneously there was a shout of "Get 'im" and a massive surge forward.
Des ended up in one place and me somewhere else. But where was GQ?? The police intervened at this point and I can remember with a mixture of shock and smugness seeing way in front, this copper's arm wading into the sprawl of fans.
When the arm emerged there was , on the end of it Gerry Queen's head screaming "It wasn't me!!!"
The next thing I saw was him being frog-marched out!! Thugs eh? I'd have them all strung up!!
Does anyone remember when the ref got knocked out by the ball at Selhurst, can't remember when... early 90's I think... shouldn't really laugh but it was bloody funny.
Also Razor's sterling show at Crewe last December. First he treated all the away fans to a glimpse of his scrotum, then in true Razor style got sent of for shouting: "We can't get beat by these Scouse c**ts whilst stood next to the referee, who if I remember rightly hailed from the Wirrall!
One incident happened at Wembley. Waiting to get tickets at Wembley for the replay, I was near the back of a long line of people. We were eventually told that they had sold out by a copper.
Then a tout, who has got a whole bunch of tickets (they didn't think to restrict sales to prevent touting), walks up and starts waving them around. Some bloke shouts out, "get the f****r" and a load of blokes jump him and nicked his tickets.
The cops just stood there and watched, and then said it served him right for being so stupid! Needless to say, I didn't get one. Later I was talking to a copper in Virgin, again trying to get tickets, who had heard about the incident and so we had a laugh about it. First and last time that's happened to me with a copper.
Second one happened at Selhurst. A Birmingham fan, last day of the 88/89 season, climbed one of the floodlights. The cops surrounded the base to arrest him so he just stayed up there.
I don't know how long he lasted but he was still there at the end of the match, I think. I ended up on the train to Victoria with the guy's mates who were talking about it. Good bunch of lads too, though the climber was not with them.
I remember the ball boy incident, but I think it was against Oldham in the first season of the new Holmesdale. One of their players was through and Day saved it, the guy was going for the rebound and the ball boy just picked it up for no reason at all!! Had to be one of the funniest moments.
I also remember the fight between Palace players. I think it was against Portsmouth and we'd just conceded a goal from a free-kick (for a change). Roberts and Gordon were arguing who's fault it was and they just started having a scrap in the penalty box.
I think Tuttle had to separate them. That was probably the low point of the season.
Me and seven freinds were up for the Man U game midweek, I think the score was 1-1. When the players came out, I opened a bag of poly balls and they went along the stand and I didnt think any more about it until half time when I was getting a drink and all the fans had white balls in thir hair. It was funny at the time...
I remember the match away at Barnsley last season where four things stick in my mind: (some of them are funny to me, but not you lot. Kinda "you had to be there" moments)
1. Before the match when I was waiting at the tunnel for players autographs at Barnsley, fat boy Miller was all ready getting quite a bit of stick from the Palace. That morning I went to buy myself some food from Waitrose to have in the coach, including a Miller pie.
I really was quite hungry, but when I got there, I resisted myself from eating my pork pie, and snuck it away in my pocket. When fat boy was walking off from having a warm up, I asked him to sign my pie, of which he first didnt hear me so he walked up to me and asked me to say it again.
I did, and the look on his face was amazing! He didn't, but there you go, I just couldn't resist myself from shouting him loads of abuse!
2. Good old Craigy Harrison! When he got sent off and gave a trademark Miller belly gesture to him! That was quite a beautiful moment! NICE ONE CRAIGY!
3. When that dinnerlady woman came along the back of the goal pushing a trolley full of food past Kevin Miller. What a nice thing for that woman to do (must be a Palace supporter!)
4. Getting an autograph from Alex Kolinko, and my cousin handing him his permanent marker and drawing a big thick black line on his brand new sparkling white gloves!
When I used to work at Selhurst as a Lottery ticket marketing executive (I used to flog the old lottery tickets in the Sainsbury's).
I remember the stewards telling me once that a bloke was caught in one of the loos in the Arthur Wait "abusing himself" during the game against Notts County in 1991. The questions begs, why?
Also, myself, Baldini and Smokey were once hit by a bag in the Holmesdale. Upon inspection of the bag, we discovered it contained a broken alarm clock. Again, why?
There are a few hundred other such stories, but I won't bore you with them.
What about the WBA match last season (2000/01) where they scored and Ruel Fox ran the length of the pitch with his arm straight out by his head like superman, not realising the goal had been disallowed. CLASSIC!!!!!
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