Here’s a tricky one....
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 7mins  In the bush 24 May 18 9.43am |
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I have a friend... he works seven days a week... he is self employed builder... real nice guy... he earns good money... probably 6 figures a yr. His work is very good... he has done work for me... usually the more bespoke stuff... the guy is talented. His friend’s grown up daughter died (She had a life limiting health condition, she did well to get to her 20s). They have just asked him for 3.5k for funeral costs... despite them knowing their daughter was on borrowed time... they’ve not put anything away towards funeral costs.. they both work... I know they went West Indies in October (alone). They know my friend is wealthy and single. The parents are grieving... they’re genuinely upset. Should my friend lend them the money?
I told him to see if they can draw down the money from their mortgage... he didn’t seem keen.
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Y Ddraig Goch  In The Crowd 24 May 18 9.51am |
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he could give them a sum as a gift, otherwise tell them to do one. Some may think that is harsh but this hasn't come out of nowhere. If their daughter had been knocked over and died unexpectadly it would be completely different. I won't condemn them for a holiday, they may well have needed a break. Based on what you have said though, and I appreciate it won't be all the facts, they have had time to plan, I would just give them a few hundred quid but that's it. I should add, I don't envy him Edited by Y Ddraig Goch (24 May 2018 9.53am)
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| Badger11 Beckenham 24 May 18 10.36am |
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A tricky one indeed I don't envy him. Most funeral parlours offer financing he may also be able to get help from the benefits people! Its a lot of money to ask one person for. Maybe he could limit his help by offering to pay for some parts of the funeral e.g. the flowers or hearse and cars.
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| Lyons550 Shirley 24 May 18 11.23am |
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I'd offer to pay an amount...but prob no more than £2k and say that the rest is tied up in 'trust' or something.
The Voice of Reason In An Otherwise Mediocre World |
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pefwin  Where you have to have an English ... 24 May 18 1.42pm |
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You can get a grant from the council and most funeral directors would then put together a service relevant to the money available. They don't need to ponce.
"Everything is air-droppable at least once." "When the going gets tough, the tough call for close air support." |
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| Stuk Top half 24 May 18 1.48pm |
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They have a cheek to ask in the first place, but as they have done so - I'd sooner give them say £500 and not expect it back, than lend someone £3.5K. They only had to put away £10 a week for a few years and as you've intimated, they knew it was coming.
Optimistic as ever |
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Pussay Patrol  24 May 18 2.02pm |
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There's probably good reasons for not having the money if they are good people (I hardly think they would use their dead daughter as an excuse to ponce a few quid), how do we know she didn't need expensive treatment, medicines or they just lavished it on her? Perfectly understandable. And does everyone put money aside for funerals? If it were me I wouldn't, I would rather think it wasn't going to happen. I suppose looking from an outside perspective it depends whether you see the worst in people from the outset or not
Paua oouaarancì Irà chiyeah Ishé galé ma ba oo ah |
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| eagle52 Shirley,Croydon 24 May 18 2.06pm |
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Regarding grants towards funeral costs, my next door neighbours brother has just died suddenly and he's been told that grants are only paid if the person arranging the funeral is receiving some kind of benefit.
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| YT Oxford 24 May 18 3.29pm |
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If it were me, I would give a polite refusal. Furthermore there are funeral options that are far cheaper [Link]
Palace since 19 August 1972. Palace 1 (Tony Taylor) Liverpool 1 (Emlyn Hughes) |
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 becky over the moon 24 May 18 5.11pm |
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...or a polite refusal, followed by assistance to set up a Crowdfunding or GoFundMe page, so ALL their friends can chip in and help
A stairway to Heaven and a Highway to Hell give some indication of expected traffic numbers |
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| Badger11 Beckenham 24 May 18 6.02pm |
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Originally posted by becky
...or a polite refusal, followed by assistance to set up a Crowdfunding or GoFundMe page, so ALL their friends can chip in and help Probably the best suggestion so far.
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| Casual Orpington 24 May 18 8.14pm |
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Originally posted by Pussay Patrol
There's probably good reasons for not having the money if they are good people (I hardly think they would use their dead daughter as an excuse to ponce a few quid), how do we know she didn't need expensive treatment, medicines or they just lavished it on her? Perfectly understandable. And does everyone put money aside for funerals? If it were me I wouldn't, I would rather think it wasn't going to happen. I suppose looking from an outside perspective it depends whether you see the worst in people from the outset or not Why did they go to the West Indies? They wasn’t that bothered about how they would bury their daughter when they were on holiday .
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