When my two lads were younger we used to have season tickets in the Whitehorse Lane stand. We sat in what I can only describe as a madhouse. Behind us were these two teenage guys, Commentary Kid who gave a 90 minute commentary on the game, which included shouting Hoooooofaaaaah! every time a ball was played out of defence. His mate, Capello Kid, could pass a judgment on any new player after their first touch of the ball, usually 'I've seen enough, waste of money'.

In front of us we had the Picnic family who had the whole works, flasks, sandwiches, sausage rolls, pork pies and, curiously, packets of sugar, salt and pepper that were blagged from cross-Channel ferries. This picnic lasted the whole game. Just along from them was the Mad Hatter who always wore a hat with ear-flaps, regardless of the weather. During the game the flaps would change from up to down and sticking straight out; our theory was that it was an indication of how he thought the game was going.

Also in the row behind us was a dad and two sons. Everytime (and I mean everytime) a Palace player was tackled, resulting in loss of footing, he would shout 'get yer cards out ref'. His youngest son, when the opposition goal keeper was about to kick the ball from hands, would shout in a squeaky voice, 'drop it'; it was mildly amusing the first time but not so much so after several hundred times.

A few rows back was a bloke with a whiney voice who, for some reason, had a pathological hatred of Sean Derry. Every time Derry came near he would berate him mercilessly with such gems as 'so what you gonna do now Derry' and 'Derry, you're s***'. One home game Derry had clearly had enough and shouted loud enough for half the stand to hear 'will-you-f***-off'; it can't be much fun being rawly told and having hundreds laughing at you as the geezer never did it again.

Apologies if anyone recognises themselves.

Bexley Dave

Can you hear the Brighton sing? I can't hear a ******* thing!

"The most arrogant, obnoxious bunch of deluded little sun tanned, loafer wearing mummy's boys I've ever had the misfortune of having to listen to" (Burnley forum)

If only they had managed to work out your deep seated love for David Wright could only be expounded by true unbridled vitriol

Then again I remember MKCPFC's deep seated love for Jules as well

Part of Holmesdale Radio: The Next Generation
@KingvagabondHOL

Quote cornwalls palace at 24 Oct 2012 9.37am

He was right!!!...and we killed him!!... poor Orpinton Eagles........

Hahaha! I used to sit to his left. He went pale as a sheet when Derry shouted that at him!

He used to insult Soares constantly too. He was also a constant whistler, that annoyed me more than the constant abuse.

Despite all that he was actually a genuinely nice and pleasant guy!

The monastic order (aka "the librarians" ) in Row Q of the Whitehorse. Weird family who come en-masse ...baby monk and grandpa monk being of the silent persuasion object to anyone around them getting excited or expressing a view. Always leave 10 minutes before the end of every game in order to get back for prayers.

Edited by Percy of Peckham (01 Feb 2015 3.12pm)

Denial is not just a river in Egypt!

This is why I know fck all about football,sitting near these Muppets and listening to blokes who know fck all about anything...I got tainted and had to come down to their level

"If you wana get ahead............Get a hat.....
Malcom Allison 1975-76 the glory year.