Can get a bit too high brow this thread, so...

I rang that new 'Rape helpline' the other day.

Apparently though, it's only for victims.

Now Zaha's got a bit of green grass ahead of him here... and finds Ambrose... not a bad effort!!!!

Sir Les Patterson being less outrageous than usual.

Attachment: VID-20220427-WA0002.mp4 (9,135.38Kb)

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

Bloke goes into a pub and is startled to see £50,000.00 behind the bar.

He asks some questions and is told the money could be his after putting down £10.00 and completing three challenges. He asks and is told the challenges:-
Drink a bottle of vodka in one go without being sick.
There is a dog with a bad tooth outside - extract the tooth
Upstairs is a lady, aged 90, who is a virgin - take her virginity

He is not sure about the challenges and walks away.

He returns and puts down his £10.00.
He succeeds with the vodka.
He goes outside. The dog has been barking unhappily, and growls as well as barking. The growling and barking stop, after which the bloke returns to the bar, his shirt covered in blood, and says "Where is the lady with the bad tooth?"

Gloria Gaynor invited six people round for dinner but one didn’t turn up.

“That’s OK” she told her guests, “I will serve five…”.

Made in Bromley

Saw the following in The Times this morning. Made me chuckle.

'As Boris Johnson recovers from an operation on his nose yesterday,he will for once have something in common with the RMT.
They've both been instructed not to picket'.

Dad and I watched games standing on the muddy slope of the Holmesdale Road end. He cheered and I rattled.