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March 29 2024 12.16pm

I say,I say,I say......crap joke thread #2

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View BudgiesBeak's Profile BudgiesBeak Flag London 08 Sep 22 5.40pm Send a Private Message to BudgiesBeak Add BudgiesBeak as a friend

A German man jumped into a freezing lake to save my dog, that had fallen in and was drowning. He said “Here is ze dog. Dry him and varm him up, and he vill be fine”.
I said “Are you a vet?”
“Yes” he said, “I’m bloody soaking”.

 

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View doi209's Profile doi209 Flag Fighting for the weak and innocent... 12 Sep 22 11.10am Send a Private Message to doi209 Add doi209 as a friend

Last Thursday, the test cricket v South Africa was rained off. On Friday it was reigned off.

Too early ?

 

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View BudgiesBeak's Profile BudgiesBeak Flag London 21 Sep 22 5.26pm Send a Private Message to BudgiesBeak Add BudgiesBeak as a friend

Earlier today I went for a walk down a canal tow path in Birmingham, where I saw a guy fishing in the canal.
"Hello" I said, "Have you caught anything today?"
"Not much," he replied, "Just a whale."
"A WHALE? In Birmingham? What kind of a whale?"
"A bicycle whale."

 

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View Cannonball's Profile Cannonball Flag High in the Ozarks. 23 Sep 22 12.45pm Send a Private Message to Cannonball Add Cannonball as a friend

What’s the best part about living in Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

 


Touch my coffee and I will slap you so hard even Google won't be able to find you.

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View monkey's Profile monkey Flag Sittingbourne,Kent 14 Oct 22 10.30am Send a Private Message to monkey Add monkey as a friend

I met a girl at a party last Saturday night & said to her ~ "You remind me of my little toe!"

She giggled & replied "you mean to say ~ small & cute?"

No! I mean I'll probably bang you on the table later when I'm pissed

 


Made in Bromley

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View stuckinbristol's Profile stuckinbristol Flag In the woodwork. 08 Nov 22 2.39pm Send a Private Message to stuckinbristol Add stuckinbristol as a friend

A man walks into a pub, followed by an ostrich and a cat. He walks to the bar and asks for a a pint of beer. The ostrich asks for a pint of beer too, and the cat says "same as them, but I'm not paying." The bartender says "that'll be £16.50". The man reaches into his pocket and pulls out exactly £16.50. The bartender asks, "how'd you do that?" and the man explains, "The other day I found an old lamp in the basement, so I rubbed it and out comes a genie. You know, he says he'll give me three wishes, so I ask him, I wish I always had exactly enough money in my pocket that I need." The bartender was visibly impressed! "Wow!", he exclaims, "That's amazing! When I hear people saying what they'd wish for, they say something like a million pounds or a fancy car, but that... that's the first time I've heard something practical! So, what else did you wish for?" The man shrugs and says, "A bird with long legs and a tight pussy..."

 

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View becky's Profile becky Flag over the moon 08 Nov 22 8.31pm Send a Private Message to becky Holmesdale Online Elite Member Add becky as a friend

Latest news from the jungle says Boy George has been badly savaged by an angry reptile.


Producers say they wish they had used a calmer chameleon...

 


A stairway to Heaven and a Highway to Hell give some indication of expected traffic numbers

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View BudgiesBeak's Profile BudgiesBeak Flag London 27 Nov 22 9.55pm Send a Private Message to BudgiesBeak Add BudgiesBeak as a friend

Last night I gave my girlfriend a medieval battle uniform to polish when I went to the pub. She always said she wanted a night in, shining armour.

 

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View monkey's Profile monkey Flag Sittingbourne,Kent 04 Dec 22 8.58am Send a Private Message to monkey Add monkey as a friend

Some festive cheer for you all....

It's Christmas time,
Heroin and wine
Kids involved in petty crime.
Your Dad is in prison
Your Mum's still at school
That's what it's like when you're from Liverpool

Cliff Richard knew how to write a good Xmas tune

 


Made in Bromley

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View BudgiesBeak's Profile BudgiesBeak Flag London 12 Dec 22 1.25pm Send a Private Message to BudgiesBeak Add BudgiesBeak as a friend

I went out with a girl with a wooden leg once. But I broke it off.

 

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View CrazyBadger's Profile CrazyBadger Flag Ware 13 Dec 22 8.57am Send a Private Message to CrazyBadger Add CrazyBadger as a friend

I went out with a girl with a lazy eye. I had to end it because she kept seeing people on the side.

 


"It was a Team effort, I guess it took all players working together to lose this one"

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View Nicholas91's Profile Nicholas91 Flag The Democratic Republic of Kent 13 Dec 22 10.11am Send a Private Message to Nicholas91 Add Nicholas91 as a friend

Originally posted by CrazyBadger

I went out with a girl with a lazy eye. I had to end it because she kept seeing people on the side.

I once went out with a girl who despite having IBS was a parachutist! Unfortunately, she shat on me from a great height.

 


Now Zaha's got a bit of green grass ahead of him here... and finds Ambrose... not a bad effort!!!!

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