A man went to Harley Street in London, having seen an advert for a Gynaecologist's Assistant.
Knowing that nowadays, job advertisers aren't able to discriminate against the applicant's gender, he was very interested so he went in and asked the secretary for details.
She retrieved the file and read to him, "This job entails preparing ladies for the Gynecologist. You will be responsible for helping them out of their underwear, laying them down and carefully washing their private areas, applying shaving foam to the necessary parts and, finally, you'll be required to rub in soothing oils, in preparation for the
Gynecologist's examination."
Then she told him, “The annual salary is £75,000 and if you're interested, you'll have to go to Aberdeen."
"My goodness!" exclaimed the man, "is that where the job is?"
She answered, "No, that's where the end of the queue is!"

Buy Litecoin.

I was thinking of selling all my John Lennon memorabilia on EBay

Imagine all the Paypal

Made in Bromley

I really ought to stop putting silly double entendres on this bulletin board... but it's hard.

THE WEDDING TEST

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. Because she never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.
Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'
I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter... Welcome to the family.'
And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car.

This morning, Elton John phoned up Watford manager Marco Silva and said "If you keep us in the Premier League this season, I'll give you a Rolls Royce".
Marco said "What reg?"
Elton replied "I SAID IF YOU KEEP US IN THE PREMIER LEAGUE THIS SEASON I'LL GIVE YOU A ROLLS ROYCE"!

Elton John's real name was Reg - Reginald Dwight