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April 18 2024 1.21am

I say,I say,I say......crap joke thread #2

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ParchmoreEagle Flag Belair 05 Jul 17 10.28am

Originally posted by Midlands Eagle

Elton John's real name was Reg - Reginald Dwight

Oh! Ok TY!

 


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bubble wrap Flag Carparks in South East London 07 Jul 17 9.48am

My wife has become very insecure in her middle age. “I’m so jealous of you,” she said. “You’re still good looking and full of confidence.” “Don’t be silly,” I replied. “It should be me who is jealous of you.” “Really?” she asked, as her face lit up. “Of course,” I said. “You get to be married to me. I’m stuck with a fat arsed, miserable bitch.”

 

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bubble wrap Flag Carparks in South East London 07 Jul 17 9.53am

My wife went f***ing mental earlier when I called her a big fat rhino. She was screaming and shouting at me, calling me every name under the sun and threatening to beat the f*** out of me. I just stood there, frozen to the spot. Which was the safest thing to do as her vision’s based mainly on movement


21 Million people Support Liverpool.

UK Taxpayers.

 

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View Michaelawt85's Profile Michaelawt85 Flag Bexley 07 Jul 17 10.31am Send a Private Message to Michaelawt85 Add Michaelawt85 as a friend

Had to get my pet Lizard some Valium as he's been a bit stressed out lately.

Now he's a calmer calmer calmer Chameleon!

 


When I was a young girl my Mother said to me.. You listen here kid you're CPFC

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View Michaelawt85's Profile Michaelawt85 Flag Bexley 07 Jul 17 10.32am Send a Private Message to Michaelawt85 Add Michaelawt85 as a friend

Drew Barrymore.

Now I just need to colour him in.

 


When I was a young girl my Mother said to me.. You listen here kid you're CPFC

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bubble wrap Flag Carparks in South East London 07 Jul 17 11.31am

Originally posted by Michaelawt85

Drew Barrymore.

Now I just need to colour him in.

Her

 

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View rednblueblood's Profile rednblueblood 08 Jul 17 7.12am Send a Private Message to rednblueblood Add rednblueblood as a friend

My dwarf girlfriend has been feeling a bit down recently. People have been commenting on the difference between our heights.
So to cheer her up when she gets home from work ive got her some flowers, a bottle of wine, some chocolates and im going to run her a nice hot sink.

 


In dog beers I’ve only had one.

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View BudgiesBeak's Profile BudgiesBeak Flag London 09 Jul 17 3.54pm Send a Private Message to BudgiesBeak Add BudgiesBeak as a friend

This joke should really be told by a woman, but I can't help being male, so here goes:
Why are men like a pair of tights?
They run, they cling, or they don't feel right in the crotch.

 

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View Harpo's Profile Harpo Flag Oxfordshire 11 Jul 17 11.06am Send a Private Message to Harpo Add Harpo as a friend

Originally posted by bubble wrap

Her

I think that was part of the joke.

Could you clear this up for us michaela?

Edited by Harpo (11 Jul 2017 11.07am)

 

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View Michaelawt85's Profile Michaelawt85 Flag Bexley 12 Jul 17 4.05pm Send a Private Message to Michaelawt85 Add Michaelawt85 as a friend

A man goes to the doctor's says..
"I have a problem after i masturbate i start to sing Glory glory Man utd" Doc says
"Dont worry lots of w***ers sing that".

 


When I was a young girl my Mother said to me.. You listen here kid you're CPFC

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View YT's Profile YT Flag Oxford 12 Jul 17 4.41pm Send a Private Message to YT Add YT as a friend

Originally posted by Harpo

I think that was part of the joke.

Could you clear this up for us michaela?

Edited by Harpo (11 Jul 2017 11.07am)

I read it as "I drew (Micheal) Barrymore" and then the 'her' reaction was a dig at the former ITV celeb. I'm probably totally wrong though!

 


Palace since 19 August 1972. Palace 1 (Tony Taylor) Liverpool 1 (Emlyn Hughes)

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View Michaelawt85's Profile Michaelawt85 Flag Bexley 24 Jul 17 12.30pm Send a Private Message to Michaelawt85 Add Michaelawt85 as a friend

Originally posted by YT

I read it as "I drew (Micheal) Barrymore" and then the 'her' reaction was a dig at the former ITV celeb. I'm probably totally wrong though!

Someone sent it to me on wattsapp and I took it to be michael barrymore. But on reflection probably should be drew barrymore in a she context.

 


When I was a young girl my Mother said to me.. You listen here kid you're CPFC

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