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February 18 2019 11.06am

I say,I say,I say......crap joke thread #2

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View Cannonball's Profile Cannonball Flag Oxley, Arkansas 21 Nov 18 11.28am Send a Private Message to Cannonball Add Cannonball as a friend

A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."

The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.

Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

The Lord replied,

"Do you want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

 


Liverpool-YNWA= You'll Never Win A title

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View mr. apollo's Profile mr. apollo Flag Somewhere in Switzerland 22 Nov 18 12.55pm Send a Private Message to mr. apollo Add mr. apollo as a friend

My wife told me to go to the doctors and get some pills that help get an erection.

You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed some diet pills on the bed.

I'm still looking for a place to live.

 


Glad
All
Over

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View Cannonball's Profile Cannonball Flag Oxley, Arkansas 11 Dec 18 10.12am Send a Private Message to Cannonball Add Cannonball as a friend

Q...What is the difference between the Big Brother House and the stable where Jesus was born ??

A..The stable had wise men in it.

 


Liverpool-YNWA= You'll Never Win A title

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View johnno42000's Profile johnno42000 Flag 11 Dec 18 10.36am Send a Private Message to johnno42000 Add johnno42000 as a friend

What do you call a vintage hip hop, tomato and lettuce loving Liverpool player?

Mo' Salad.

Edited by johnno42000 (11 Dec 2018 10.36am)

 


'Lies to the masses as are like fly's to mollasses...they want more and more and more'

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View Painter's Profile Painter Online Flag Croydon 11 Dec 18 1.13pm Send a Private Message to Painter Add Painter as a friend

My wife got stung by a wasp on her forehead, sheís at outpatients now, her face is all swollen and bruised, she almost died.
Luckily I was close enough to hit the wasp with my shovel!

 

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View Painter's Profile Painter Online Flag Croydon 11 Dec 18 1.15pm Send a Private Message to Painter Add Painter as a friend

I walked 25 miles today, so I could lose some excess weight.....Didnít work though, she kept up with me the whole time.

 

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View Painter's Profile Painter Online Flag Croydon 11 Dec 18 1.18pm Send a Private Message to Painter Add Painter as a friend

Dating Katie Price is a lot like Jury Service.it usually only lasts about 2 weeks and eventually most people have done it.

 

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View BudgiesBeak's Profile BudgiesBeak Flag London 16 Dec 18 6.53pm Send a Private Message to BudgiesBeak Add BudgiesBeak as a friend

What's the difference between your dick and your Christmas bonus?
Your wife blows your Christmas bonus.

Edited by BudgiesBeak (16 Dec 2018 6.54pm)

 

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View bracers's Profile bracers Flag bristol ollie land{oldland} 18 Dec 18 8.06am Send a Private Message to bracers Add bracers as a friend

Having usual two bird roast for Christmas dinner
stork and puffin for drinks I like a bum and rack
any other suggestions

 

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chateauferret Flag 18 Dec 18 9.48pm

Originally posted by Painter

Dating Katie Price is a lot like Jury Service.it usually only lasts about 2 weeks and eventually most people have done it.

When I did jury service it lasted six weeks, there were fiteen of us (being in Scotland) and everyone was knackered and pissed off by the end.

 


============
The Ferret
============

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View Mapletree's Profile Mapletree Flag Croydon 18 Dec 18 9.58pm Send a Private Message to Mapletree Add Mapletree as a friend

Originally posted by bracers

Having usual two bird roast for Christmas dinner
stork and puffin for drinks I like a bum and rack
any other suggestions

Iíll have some of what youíve been drinking, as long as itís in a well ventilated room

 

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View Elis Ashley's Profile Elis Ashley Flag Motspur Park 23 Dec 18 6.48pm Send a Private Message to Elis Ashley Add Elis Ashley as a friend


Edited by Elis Ashley (23 Dec 2018 6.50pm)

 


Winning isn't everything. Without the defeats we would not value the victories. Still, it's a shame we can't play Chelsea every week.

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