I'd have struggled with Nordic combined

So which nation have you found traditionally has the best, fastest or most copious w*nkers - do the East Africans have a reputation for stamina, have you been clear coming up the straight (pun intended) only to be overtaken by an unknown newcomer, are there any classic one on ones or team events, disqualifications for not using the little finger etc...? Have you been interviewed by either Davids Vine or Coleman with a view to defending your gold medal in four years' time, have you tried hurdling simultaneously, did you have a celebrity career after you stopped w*nking etc, and which reality shows did you appear on, and did you do any w***ing and who was commentating and were there any other w*nkers etc.

Anyone going to admit to the gold in pummelling horses?

Not so much a walk over as a w*nk over.

Well fellow posters I am disappointed that so very few of you, in fact none of you, have the courage to admit that you commentate on imaginary football matches when you're on the bog, don't you imagine you're in an international competition when you're playing patience or other card games on your laptop or phone? Confess... let us share your embarrassing secrets.

Sometimes when I am out running I do a commentary in my head along the lines of "he's running at a steady pace now which makes me think he has more in the tank for the latter stages of this". And I sort of imagine a helicopter overhead tracking me like Paula Radcliffe in the London Marathon.