Public Runny Bum Anecdotes
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 matt_himself  Matataland 08 Aug 17 1.18am |
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I was in India two years ago and had a very nice Gujarati lunch with clients and went to the w***hede in the evening to see the Mumbai indians. However, in between the two, I started 'dancing the sour apple quickstep' and had to spend two hours in my hotel room. I sat on the khazi for two hours and incurred 16 flushes. I laid face down on the marble for 45 minutes which calmed the stomach cramps and felt confident to go to the stadium. However, into the first innings the rumblings started and fearing leakage, I went to the toilets and was alarmed to discover that the toilets at the w***hede did not have doors and did not flush. Therefore, I had to expel burning diarrhoea, over a pile of other people's turds, whilst making eye contact with other toilet patrons. Not my finest hour.
"That was fun and to round off the day, I am off to steal a charity collection box and then desecrate a place of worship.” - Smokey, The Selhurst Arms, 26/02/02 |
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| Harpo Oxfordshire 08 Aug 17 9.12am |
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Originally posted by matt_himself
I was in India two years ago and had a very nice Gujarati lunch with clients and went to the w***hede in the evening to see the Mumbai indians. However, in between the two, I started 'dancing the sour apple quickstep' and had to spend two hours in my hotel room. I sat on the khazi for two hours and incurred 16 flushes. I laid face down on the marble for 45 minutes which calmed the stomach cramps and felt confident to go to the stadium. However, into the first innings the rumblings started and fearing leakage, I went to the toilets and was alarmed to discover that the toilets at the w***hede did not have doors and did not flush. Therefore, I had to expel burning diarrhoea, over a pile of other people's turds, whilst making eye contact with other toilet patrons. Not my finest hour. ...which reminds me. France - September 2007. I am in the town of Angoulême, a large town west of Limoges. I am there for vintage car racing and getting hundreds of shots of the participating vehicles, when, I have to look around for the gents. No visual clues, so I go into the 'Hotel De Ville'. There they direct me to my destination. They didn't tell me just what I should expect. There were a number of unisex cubicles, none with doors, none vacant! I didn't have long to wait (occupants stayed as little as possible). My turn. Ahhhh. Whoooosh. I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting the avalanche that sped downhill. Neither was I expecting there to be no bog paper. My roaming charges soared as I explained my circumstances to Mrs H. She did exactly as requested, bringing ample supplies of soft and absorbent paper. I cleaned up and headed straight to the handbasins, at the same time realising that there were no towels. I might have looked as though I was familiar with basic hygiene, but I knew that on that occasion I must have harboured sufficient bacteria to knock an army out. And people wonder why we voted for Brexit.
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| Part Time James 08 Aug 17 9.14am |
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This is a blanket
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to the last few added stories!| ex hibitionist Hastings 08 Aug 17 9.32am |
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bit constipated at first PT, but we're positively gushing now
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| HeathMan Purley 08 Aug 17 11.43am |
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Lovely - a campaign for more facilities at Selhurst Park.
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| Charlie Croker Hampshire 08 Aug 17 11.54am |
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Originally posted by Harpo
...which reminds me. France - September 2007. I am in the town of Angoulême, a large town west of Limoges. I am there for vintage car racing and getting hundreds of shots of the participating vehicles, when, I have to look around for the gents. No visual clues, so I go into the 'Hotel De Ville'. There they direct me to my destination. They didn't tell me just what I should expect. There were a number of unisex cubicles, none with doors, none vacant! I didn't have long to wait (occupants stayed as little as possible). My turn. Ahhhh. Whoooosh. I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting the avalanche that sped downhill. Neither was I expecting there to be no bog paper. My roaming charges soared as I explained my circumstances to Mrs H. She did exactly as requested, bringing ample supplies of soft and absorbent paper. I cleaned up and headed straight to the handbasins, at the same time realising that there were no towels. I might have looked as though I was familiar with basic hygiene, but I knew that on that occasion I must have harboured sufficient bacteria to knock an army out. And people wonder why we voted for Brexit. Edited by Harpo (08 Aug 2017 9.34am) I assume she was with you and didn't have to make a mercy dash across the channel . . .
“My experience of life is that it is not divided up into genres; it’s a horrifying, romantic, tragic, comical, science-fiction cowboy detective novel. You know, with a bit of pornography if you’re lucky." |
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| Harpo Oxfordshire 08 Aug 17 1.53pm |
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Originally posted by Charlie Croker
I assume she was with you and didn't have to make a mercy dash across the channel . . . Of course she had to make a bloody mercy dash - just not across the channel. Fortunately she speaks fluent French. Had the roles been reversed, I would have arrived with a roll of engine cleaning paper or something! It was a first though, I've never known her to observe cubicle usage, and particularly under such urgency.
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| Lombardinho London 08 Aug 17 2.09pm |
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Westbound platform of Merton Park tram stop.
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| Part Time James 08 Aug 17 2.17pm |
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Originally posted by Lombardinho
Westbound platform of Merton Park tram stop. Although this was concise you included the direction of travel. It definitely adds to the visual image.
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 Michaelawt85 Bexley 08 Aug 17 2.24pm |
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Not a public tale thank heavens but a private one. Last October night before our home tie against Liverpool. Spent the entire night sat on the toilet whist holding a bucket on my lap and alternating between being sick and pooing violently. Was vomiting so much at one stage it was aiding the expulsion of diarrhoea. Needless to say I felt so ill and petrified the slightest amount of food or drink would trigger a repeat I chose to watch the game on tv rather than attend
When I was a young girl my Mother said to me.. You listen here kid you're CPFC |
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| ex hibitionist Hastings 08 Aug 17 5.23pm |
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Originally posted by Michaelawt85
Not a public tale thank heavens but a private one. Last October night before our home tie against Liverpool. Spent the entire night sat on the toilet whist holding a bucket on my lap and alternating between being sick and pooing violently. Was vomiting so much at one stage it was aiding the expulsion of diarrhoea. Needless to say I felt so ill and petrified the slightest amount of food or drink would trigger a repeat I chose to watch the game on tv rather than attend Lightweight - but there again, that's women for you.
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| Harpo Oxfordshire 08 Aug 17 7.21pm |
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Originally posted by Michaelawt85
Not a public tale thank heavens but a private one. And that is why my bedroom TV is visible while I am seated in the en-suite.
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