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April 19 2024 8.53am

Here’s a tricky one....

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View NickinOX's Profile NickinOX Flag Sailing country. 24 May 18 8.59pm Send a Private Message to NickinOX Add NickinOX as a friend

I wouldn’t lend them the money, but if your mate wants to give them something towards the cost of the funeral that would be a nice gesture if he is close to them.

Hydrofluoric acid would be cheaper, assuming they use the right kind of plastic tub.

Too soon?

 


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Tom-the-eagle Flag Croydon 24 May 18 9.26pm

Of course he shouldn't pay it. Many funeral directors will offer some kind of payback option anyway.

It's good to be kind but if they both work then they should pay. If you have children then as a parent you take responsibility for them. In life or death.

 


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View cryrst's Profile cryrst Flag The garden of England 24 May 18 9.44pm Send a Private Message to cryrst Add cryrst as a friend

Originally posted by Y Ddraig Goch

he could give them a sum as a gift, otherwise tell them to do one.

Some may think that is harsh but this hasn't come out of nowhere. If their daughter had been knocked over and died unexpectadly it would be completely different.

I won't condemn them for a holiday, they may well have needed a break.

Based on what you have said though, and I appreciate it won't be all the facts, they have had time to plan, I would just give them a few hundred quid but that's it.

I should add, I don't envy him

Edited by Y Ddraig Goch (24 May 2018 9.53am)

They may Need a break.!!!!
Really!
They had their kid two days in two weeks.
They clearly saw themselves as priority not their daughter.
Hence the holiday to the WI.
they know this guy and know he's a pushover.
history says it with the ongonig lending.
It's like the scenario of waiting for your parents to die so you can inherit and have an easy ride.
I would be asking why they haven't saved knowing the situation coming to them.
The reaction would tell him if they are genuine or just poncing users.
Personally i reckon they are crap actors and will show their true colours and then he can go and make some genuine friends.
Also give them the phone number of wonga

 

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View Palace 1979's Profile Palace 1979 Flag Surrey 24 May 18 11.14pm Send a Private Message to Palace 1979 Add Palace 1979 as a friend

Real tough one.

Personally if I could afford to I would not lend them the money but give it to them. It is not a life changing amount. I agree with previous post that how do we know that they haven't been spending all of their spare money on the child's care, and that they could not keep her full time as they did not have the facilities to do so.

They may well have gone on a holiday as they needed time away as it must be horrific for them too. How would you react if you knew your child was going to die before you? No parent should have to bury their children.

If it turns out in the future that the above was not the case and they had been spending it purely on themselves, then would you really want them as friends in the long run if they see you as a cash cow?

I would give the money with a clear state of mind that you are truly doing the right thing. I mean what is money over something this close to home anyway?

 


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View cryrst's Profile cryrst Flag The garden of England 25 May 18 8.00am Send a Private Message to cryrst Add cryrst as a friend

Originally posted by Palace 1979

Real tough one.

Personally if I could afford to I would not lend them the money but give it to them. It is not a life changing amount. I agree with previous post that how do we know that they haven't been spending all of their spare money on the child's care, and that they could not keep her full time as they did not have the facilities to do so.

They may well have gone on a holiday as they needed time away as it must be horrific for them too. How would you react if you knew your child was going to die before you? No parent should have to bury their children.

If it turns out in the future that the above was not the case and they had been spending it purely on themselves, then would you really want them as friends in the long run if they see you as a cash cow?

I would give the money with a clear state of mind that you are truly doing the right thing. I mean what is money over something this close to home anyway?

How do you quantify ' a life changing amount'
That amount to many is the difference between having a home and not.
It's like 3-4 months mortgage.
I have been repossessed and if I had that amount at the time I wouldn't have been and my life would be different. So it was life changing not to have It!
You can't judge everyone's situation financially with your own.
Also they appear to have constantly borrowed and I don't think you can take this request in isolation.
It is sad but life's a bitch and you play with the hand you're dealt.

 

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Pussay Patrol Flag 25 May 18 8.11am

I must say i'm surprised by the lack of compassion and judgmental responses on this

Maybe they're right about people living in London?

 


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View Midlands Eagle's Profile Midlands Eagle Flag 25 May 18 8.37am Send a Private Message to Midlands Eagle Add Midlands Eagle as a friend

Originally posted by cryrst

How do you quantify ' a life changing amount'
That amount to many is the difference between having a home and not.
It's like 3-4 months mortgage.

The OP did say that his friend had a six figure income and no dependants

 

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.TUX. Flag 25 May 18 9.22am

Originally posted by Palace 1979

Real tough one.

Personally if I could afford to I would not lend them the money but give it to them. It is not a life changing amount. I agree with previous post that how do we know that they haven't been spending all of their spare money on the child's care, and that they could not keep her full time as they did not have the facilities to do so.

They may well have gone on a holiday as they needed time away as it must be horrific for them too. How would you react if you knew your child was going to die before you? No parent should have to bury their children.

If it turns out in the future that the above was not the case and they had been spending it purely on themselves, then would you really want them as friends in the long run if they see you as a cash cow?

I would give the money with a clear state of mind that you are truly doing the right thing. I mean what is money over something this close to home anyway?

This.
Yes they may well have gone away recently but was this a regular thing or their first trip away in years? We don't know.
What we do know is that 3-4k won't make a dent in the friends savings and despite the odd non-repayment over the years, both parties still remain very close.

Give them the money and wish them well for what will certainly be one of the worst days of their lives.

 


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View becky's Profile becky Flag over the moon 25 May 18 11.25am Send a Private Message to becky Holmesdale Online Elite Member Add becky as a friend

Originally posted by .TUX.

This.
Yes they may well have gone away recently but was this a regular thing or their first trip away in years? We don't know.
What we do know is that 3-4k won't make a dent in the friends savings and despite the odd non-repayment over the years, both parties still remain very close.

Give them the money and wish them well for what will certainly be one of the worst days of their lives.

What the heck has the fact that it won't make a dent in the friends' savings got to do with anything?

He has worked long and hard to earn that money, probably sacrificing any sort of family or social life to do so.

the parents on the other hand both work, the daughter has been in care for the last 12 of her 20 odd years, and they have known for all that time that this day would come sooner rather than later.

Why do people always seem to feel that it is other people's obligation to help out, rather than that people should actually think ahead?

It's not a matter of compassion or being judgemental, but planning and being ready for the inevitable - or taking responsibility for your own lives if you will.

 


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View Y Ddraig Goch's Profile Y Ddraig Goch Flag In The Crowd 25 May 18 11.29am Send a Private Message to Y Ddraig Goch Add Y Ddraig Goch as a friend

Originally posted by Pussay Patrol

I must say i'm surprised by the lack of compassion and judgmental responses on this

Maybe they're right about people living in London?

I don't think it is so much that people are being judgemental as that there is limited information to go on.

 


the dignified don't even enter in the game

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.TUX. Flag 25 May 18 11.37am

Originally posted by becky

What the heck has the fact that it won't make a dent in the friends' savings got to do with anything?

He has worked long and hard to earn that money, probably sacrificing any sort of family or social life to do so.

the parents on the other hand both work, the daughter has been in care for the last 12 of her 20 odd years, and they have known for all that time that this day would come sooner rather than later.

Why do people always seem to feel that it is other people's obligation to help out, rather than that people should actually think ahead?

It's not a matter of compassion or being judgemental, but planning and being ready for the inevitable - or taking responsibility for your own lives if you will.

Who said that the friend is obliged? Nobody.

And yes, apparently it is a question of being judgemental (to some) given what you've just posted.

 


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View cryrst's Profile cryrst Flag The garden of England 25 May 18 12.08pm Send a Private Message to cryrst Add cryrst as a friend

Originally posted by .TUX.

Who said that the friend is obliged? Nobody.

And yes, apparently it is a question of being judgemental (to some) given what you've just posted.

Not judgemental at all
Just an opinion.
When my father in law died none of us had a pot but between us we raised enough for a decent send off.
We didn't ask for a rich friend or relative to pay and make them feel guilty.and we probably all know rich people personally.
They offered but was told to chip in an amount the same as all of us.
This guy might as well give the money to a charity researching the illness the poor girl died from.
That may save a life in future.
Sorry but to me as I said if they knew it was coming they should have prepared for It, not go swanning off on holiday for what sounds like an expensive break. I like loads on here haven't had a holiday for ages because I have priorities; like a mortgage, and bills. God I could do with one but hey ho play with the hand you got.

 

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