Here’s a tricky one....

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.TUX. 25 May 18 12.24pm
Originally posted by cryrst Not judgemental at all Just an opinion. When my father in law died none of us had a pot but between us we raised enough for a decent send off. We didn't ask for a rich friend or relative to pay and make them feel guilty.and we probably all know rich people personally. They offered but was told to chip in an amount the same as all of us. This guy might as well give the money to a charity researching the illness the poor girl died from. That may save a life in future. Sorry but to me as I said if they knew it was coming they should have prepared for It, not go swanning off on holiday for what sounds like an expensive break. I like loads on here haven't had a holiday for ages because I have priorities; like a mortgage, and bills. God I could do with one but hey ho play with the hand you got. Sorry, but there are many posts here 'judging'. The OP asked ''what should the friend do?'' so i gave my opinion based on the facts i was given and how i'd respond. That's all. End of. Period. Why people are getting so wound up about this 'kin baffles me tbh. Buy Litecoin.
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.TUX.

25 May 18 12.24pm

Originally posted by cryrst

Not judgemental at all
Just an opinion.
When my father in law died none of us had a pot but between us we raised enough for a decent send off.
We didn't ask for a rich friend or relative to pay and make them feel guilty.and we probably all know rich people personally.
They offered but was told to chip in an amount the same as all of us.
This guy might as well give the money to a charity researching the illness the poor girl died from.
That may save a life in future.
Sorry but to me as I said if they knew it was coming they should have prepared for It, not go swanning off on holiday for what sounds like an expensive break. I like loads on here haven't had a holiday for ages because I have priorities; like a mortgage, and bills. God I could do with one but hey ho play with the hand you got.

Sorry, but there are many posts here 'judging'.
The OP asked ''what should the friend do?'' so i gave my opinion based on the facts i was given and how i'd respond. That's all. End of. Period.

Why people are getting so wound up about this 'kin baffles me tbh.

Buy Litecoin.

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Pussay Patrol 25 May 18 12.52pm
Originally posted by cryrst Not judgemental at all Just an opinion. When my father in law died none of us had a pot but between us we raised enough for a decent send off. We didn't ask for a rich friend or relative to pay and make them feel guilty.and we probably all know rich people personally. They offered but was told to chip in an amount the same as all of us. This guy might as well give the money to a charity researching the illness the poor girl died from. That may save a life in future. Sorry but to me as I said if they knew it was coming they should have prepared for It, not go swanning off on holiday for what sounds like an expensive break. I like loads on here haven't had a holiday for ages because I have priorities; like a mortgage, and bills. God I could do with one but hey ho play with the hand you got. You defend the notion some contributors are being judgemental then add another judgemental rant of your own Their daughter died FFS Paua oouaarancì Irà chiyeah Ishé galé ma ba oo ah
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Pussay Patrol

25 May 18 12.52pm

Originally posted by cryrst

Not judgemental at all
Just an opinion.
When my father in law died none of us had a pot but between us we raised enough for a decent send off.
We didn't ask for a rich friend or relative to pay and make them feel guilty.and we probably all know rich people personally.
They offered but was told to chip in an amount the same as all of us.
This guy might as well give the money to a charity researching the illness the poor girl died from.
That may save a life in future.
Sorry but to me as I said if they knew it was coming they should have prepared for It, not go swanning off on holiday for what sounds like an expensive break. I like loads on here haven't had a holiday for ages because I have priorities; like a mortgage, and bills. God I could do with one but hey ho play with the hand you got.

You defend the notion some contributors are being judgemental then add another judgemental rant of your own

Their daughter died FFS

Paua oouaarancì Irà chiyeah Ishé galé ma ba oo ah

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martin2412 Living The Dream 25 May 18 1.51pm
This is something that resonates very closely to my family's situation. I don't begrudge the parents a holiday as it may well have been some much needed respite for which they managed to save up for. Unless you're in their situation you have no idea of the stress and also the cost of looking after a terminally ill, disabled child. Some people get benefits, whilst those working often get very little. Having said that, I'm surprised that they haven't managed to put something aside for the inevitable, although as I previously stated, things like adapting your house, paying for specialist care, buying an accessible vehicle, etc etc etc may have prevented them from doing so. I hope they get it sorted.
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martin2412

Living The Dream 25 May 18 1.51pm

This is something that resonates very closely to my family's situation.

I don't begrudge the parents a holiday as it may well have been some much needed respite for which they managed to save up for. Unless you're in their situation you have no idea of the stress and also the cost of looking after a terminally ill, disabled child. Some people get benefits, whilst those working often get very little.

Having said that, I'm surprised that they haven't managed to put something aside for the inevitable, although as I previously stated, things like adapting your house, paying for specialist care, buying an accessible vehicle, etc etc etc may have prevented them from doing so.

I hope they get it sorted.

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JohnB 25 May 18 2.03pm
If good friends of mine asked me for £3.5k for their daughters funeral, I'd give it to them. I can't imagine their grief and they're my friends. There's only so much happiness money can buy you and I can't imagine a better gift than giving my friends the ability to send their daughter off appropriately.
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JohnB

25 May 18 2.03pm

If good friends of mine asked me for £3.5k for their daughters funeral, I'd give it to them.

I can't imagine their grief and they're my friends.

There's only so much happiness money can buy you and I can't imagine a better gift than giving my friends the ability to send their daughter off appropriately.

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YT Oxford 25 May 18 2.16pm
Here’s an idea. The guy who has been asked to contribute works seven days a week. Perhaps the people who need the money could do a bit of work for the guy to the value of the amount they need. I’m assuming those who need the money don’t work seven days a week, therefore they will have a day or days when they can accommodate the extra work. Edited by YT (25 May 2018 2.18pm) Palace since 19 August 1972. Palace 1 (Tony Taylor) Liverpool 1 (Emlyn Hughes)
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Oxford 25 May 18 2.16pm

Here’s an idea. The guy who has been asked to contribute works seven days a week. Perhaps the people who need the money could do a bit of work for the guy to the value of the amount they need.

I’m assuming those who need the money don’t work seven days a week, therefore they will have a day or days when they can accommodate the extra work.

Edited by YT (25 May 2018 2.18pm)

Palace since 19 August 1972. Palace 1 (Tony Taylor) Liverpool 1 (Emlyn Hughes)

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cryrst The garden of England 25 May 18 2.25pm
Originally posted by Pussay Patrol You defend the notion some contributors are being judgemental then add another judgemental rant of your own Their daughter died FFS The OP started broadly with what his friend should do. An opinion asked was either give or not give. That would make the post answers one word. What I and others are then doing is expanding and giving reasons why and why not to give. Some from the head and some from the heart. That will encompass and be judgemental but you can't take the writing in isolation to suit. If your get the thesaurus out you are right but as I said it should be read as a whole. Yes their daughter died but they knew this was going to happen. If God forbid I was in that position and believe me for a couple of hours in January prior to my lads type1 diagnosis I thought I could have been. Due to being called to the doctors reference a blood test with no reason until we got there. Then I would make plans. And adjust things accordingly. What if they didn't have this rich friend, how would they have prepared then. I've got a horrible feeling that in a sick way this was always going to be their plan. Doesn't take piorot to work it out.
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cryrst

The garden of England 25 May 18 2.25pm

Originally posted by Pussay Patrol

You defend the notion some contributors are being judgemental then add another judgemental rant of your own

Their daughter died FFS

The OP started broadly with what his friend should do.
An opinion asked was either give or not give.
That would make the post answers one word.
What I and others are then doing is expanding and giving reasons why and why not to give.
Some from the head and some from the heart.
That will encompass and be judgemental but you can't take the writing in isolation to suit.
If your get the thesaurus out you are right but as I said it should be read as a whole.
Yes their daughter died but they knew this was going to happen.
If God forbid I was in that position and believe me for a couple of hours in January prior to my lads type1 diagnosis I thought I could have been. Due to being called to the doctors reference a blood test with no reason until we got there.
Then I would make plans.
And adjust things accordingly.
What if they didn't have this rich friend, how would they have prepared then.
I've got a horrible feeling that in a sick way this was always going to be their plan.
Doesn't take piorot to work it out.

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Forest Hillbilly in a hidey-hole 25 May 18 2.29pm
The emotional leverage used to get the money, will be used as an excuse not to repay. Anything you give can be a 'gift' and then you can draw a line Edited by Forest Hillbilly (25 May 2018 2.37pm) "The facts have changed", Rishi Sunak
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Forest Hillbilly

in a hidey-hole 25 May 18 2.29pm

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The emotional leverage used to get the money, will be used as an excuse not to repay.

Anything you give can be a 'gift' and then you can draw a line

Edited by Forest Hillbilly (25 May 2018 2.37pm)

"The facts have changed", Rishi Sunak

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Pussay Patrol 25 May 18 3.06pm
Originally posted by cryrst The OP started broadly with what his friend should do. An opinion asked was either give or not give. That would make the post answers one word. What I and others are then doing is expanding and giving reasons why and why not to give. Some from the head and some from the heart. That will encompass and be judgemental but you can't take the writing in isolation to suit. If your get the thesaurus out you are right but as I said it should be read as a whole. Yes their daughter died but they knew this was going to happen. If God forbid I was in that position and believe me for a couple of hours in January prior to my lads type1 diagnosis I thought I could have been. Due to being called to the doctors reference a blood test with no reason until we got there. Then I would make plans. And adjust things accordingly. What if they didn't have this rich friend, how would they have prepared then. I've got a horrible feeling that in a sick way this was always going to be their plan. Doesn't take piorot to work it out. Why though? what would lead you to think that people would use their recently deceased to daughter as a reason to wangle a few quid out of people? (which is to pay for her to be buried) Have you really lost all faith in humankind or just an old cynic ? Paua oouaarancì Irà chiyeah Ishé galé ma ba oo ah
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Pussay Patrol

25 May 18 3.06pm

Originally posted by cryrst

Why though?

what would lead you to think that people would use their recently deceased to daughter as a reason to wangle a few quid out of people? (which is to pay for her to be buried)

Have you really lost all faith in humankind or just an old cynic ?

Paua oouaarancì Irà chiyeah Ishé galé ma ba oo ah

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CPFC1965 Warrington 25 May 18 4.04pm
Tell him to make a donation to charity and politely decline their request. £3.5k seems to be the amount currently advertised on TV. I had to pay for my wife's funeral 4 years ago and that cost £2.5k all in. It might be more expensive in London but as previously posted seems a bit suspicious that the amount requested is approximately what a week in the Caribbean in October costs.
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CPFC1965

Warrington 25 May 18 4.04pm

Tell him to make a donation to charity and politely decline their request. £3.5k seems to be the amount currently advertised on TV.

I had to pay for my wife's funeral 4 years ago and that cost £2.5k all in. It might be more expensive in London but as previously posted seems a bit suspicious that the amount requested is approximately what a week in the Caribbean in October costs.

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jeeagles 25 May 18 6.30pm
Sounds like a very sad situation. If they are good friends I'm sure both parties will do the right thing and it should be a private matter between them. I'm not sure they would like this matter debated about in a football forum between people who it doesn't concern.
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jeeagles

25 May 18 6.30pm

Sounds like a very sad situation.
If they are good friends I'm sure both parties will do the right thing and it should be a private matter between them.
I'm not sure they would like this matter debated about in a football forum between people who it doesn't concern.

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Palace 1979 Surrey 25 May 18 10.05pm
Originally posted by cryrst How do you quantify ' a life changing amount' That amount to many is the difference between having a home and not. It's like 3-4 months mortgage. I have been repossessed and if I had that amount at the time I wouldn't have been and my life would be different. So it was life changing not to have It! You can't judge everyone's situation financially with your own. Also they appear to have constantly borrowed and I don't think you can take this request in isolation. It is sad but life's a bitch and you play with the hand you're dealt. I am basing my answer on the facts given, that this man in question has the money. Also it depends on each individual I agree, but if affordable what price do you put on this? Is a tough one, but me personally I would give the money, as it would appear he has known them for a long time and probably watched her grow up too. I totally understand if it is not affordable then don't do it, but in this instance I do not think that is the issue. Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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Palace 1979

Surrey 25 May 18 10.05pm

Originally posted by cryrst

How do you quantify ' a life changing amount'
That amount to many is the difference between having a home and not.
It's like 3-4 months mortgage.
I have been repossessed and if I had that amount at the time I wouldn't have been and my life would be different. So it was life changing not to have It!
You can't judge everyone's situation financially with your own.
Also they appear to have constantly borrowed and I don't think you can take this request in isolation.
It is sad but life's a bitch and you play with the hand you're dealt.

I am basing my answer on the facts given, that this man in question has the money. Also it depends on each individual I agree, but if affordable what price do you put on this?

Is a tough one, but me personally I would give the money, as it would appear he has known them for a long time and probably watched her grow up too.

I totally understand if it is not affordable then don't do it, but in this instance I do not think that is the issue.

Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

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7mins In the bush 26 May 18 12.05am
Thanks for all the replies. My friend thinks their plan was always to ask him for the money. He doesn’t understand how they can’t put even a small % towards it. He told me he is going to lend them the money... as he’s a good guy.. he said he’d feel terrible if he didn’t... but accepts there’s a chance they’re taking advantage of his good nature. He hopes they’ll repay him... but doubts they will.
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7mins

In the bush 26 May 18 12.05am

Thanks for all the replies.

My friend thinks their plan was always to ask him for the money.

He doesn’t understand how they can’t put even a small % towards it. He told me he is going to lend them the money... as he’s a good guy.. he said he’d feel terrible if he didn’t... but accepts there’s a chance they’re taking advantage of his good nature.
He hopes they’ll repay him... but doubts they will.

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