Hairy bot, her, and the gobbler of fire

The young, bespectacled wizard takes Hermione roughly from behind up her unshaven quidditch while she sucks furiously on Ron Weasley's distended ginger member

In the words of Oscar Wilde on seeing the Clowns fail to achieve promotion from League 1: "It would take a heart of stone not to laugh".

Strictly Kim Dancing

Channel 5's latest desparate attempt for a sh't 'talent' competition that blatantly rips off stuff on ITV and the BBC reaches unchartered lows, as Z-list celbrities impersonate the former totalitarian tyrant in the form of dance, by lying completely still on the ground. A bit like a massive game of sleeping lions or whatever the f'ck that kids game was called that teachers use when they need a break.

This week, contestants fret as Brucie's impersonation reaches groundbreaking similarities, and the former Price is Right host manages to physically stop his heart beating.

If punk ever happened I'd be preaching the law, instead of listenin to Lydon lecture BBC4

Still Il

To follow up his number one hit 'rone-ry', former North Korean dictator Kim performs a rousing posthumous performance of the Smiths' hit, before a perculiar and slightly morally worrying run through of the groundbreaking Beastie Boys' album 'Licensed to Il'.

Followed by a public excecution of all crowd members who stopped clapping during the performance.

If punk ever happened I'd be preaching the law, instead of listenin to Lydon lecture BBC4

Huw Do You Think You Are?
BBC newsreader Huw Edwards is approached on the street by angry members of the public who want to know why he has such a high opinion of himself

[Link]
''careful Penny - we don't know what we're dealing with here''

Focusing on Terrence (9) from Yorkshire, his 'tick' is saying the words 'tick tock'. Lovingly called 'the swearing clock' by his friends, a nickname given to him as he was the only kid with a wrist watch.
"what's the time Terrence" I asked him as he kicked a ball against a wall.
"4 o'cock" he laughed, "now fook off te London ya rich bastad"

I had the last laugh though, I knew that the camp leaders had Terrence up for a 6 a.m elecution lesson the next morning followed by electric shock treatment via his genitals. They had to stop using his ear lobes after his hair caught fire.

Edited by jelholyoake (21 Jan 2012 10.07pm)

When i see him, it's gonna be painful. Skinny little cont.

Drownton Abbey

From the pen of award-winning writer Julian Fellowes comes the first and final series of ITV1's costume drama, detailing annoying people from the turn of the century being habitually and perfunctorily drowned.

Tonight, the stupid Butler gets dipped like a fvcking sponge in the bath and The Rt. Hon. Violet, Countess of Grantham finally gets her comeuppance in a vat of excrement from the historically accurate inadequate sewerage systems.

Edited by Mongo Like Clunge (27 Nov 2012 10.10pm)

WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Fear not; drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed, to remove the stains.