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March 28 2024 8.11pm

I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)

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View Palacetinian's Profile Palacetinian Flag Surrey Fam 13 Mar 12 11.49pm Send a Private Message to Palacetinian Add Palacetinian as a friend

LONDON LAWYER V GLASGOW

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cop’s expense!!

Glasgow cop says, " Licence and registration, please."

London Lawyer says, "What for?"

Glasgow cop says, "Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Glasgow cop says, "Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence and Registration, Please.”

London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Glasgow cop says, "The difference is, ye havtae to come to a complete stop, that's the law. Licence and registration, please!"

London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my licence and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

Glasgow cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."

The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.

The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the hell out of the lawyer and says, "Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon?"

 


Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)!

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View chaz74's Profile chaz74 Flag Boston, Lincs. 14 Mar 12 7.43pm Send a Private Message to chaz74 Add chaz74 as a friend

This post has been merged from a topic called 'Scotch eggs' by SloveniaDave

These scotch eggs are a rip off.I ate 16 of them last night and by last orders I was still as sober as a judge.

 

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Roonsterocker Flag Lewisham 14 Mar 12 8.07pm

This post has been merged from a topic called 'Scotch eggs' by SloveniaDave

Kermit8 and hibby stu are scotch eggs!!!

 

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View chaz74's Profile chaz74 Flag Boston, Lincs. 14 Mar 12 8.18pm Send a Private Message to chaz74 Add chaz74 as a friend

This post has been merged from a topic called 'Ladies darts' by SloveniaDave

Ladies darts nights in pubs around the country could be improved by scrapping the usual game of 501,and just going straight for double one,which is where most games finish anyway.The time saved could then be spent drinking more heavily than usual and fighting in the car park.

 

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View chaz74's Profile chaz74 Flag Boston, Lincs. 14 Mar 12 8.35pm Send a Private Message to chaz74 Add chaz74 as a friend

This post has been merged from a topic called 'onions' by SloveniaDave

Which silly fool said you should peel onions under water to stop them making your eyes run?I nearly drowned because I cant hold my breath for more than two minutes.

 

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View Bin Liner's Profile Bin Liner Flag London , Southfields 14 Mar 12 8.43pm Send a Private Message to Bin Liner Add Bin Liner as a friend

This post has been merged from a topic called 'onions' by SloveniaDave

try a snorkle

 


Portillo's teeth removed to boost pound

Boy roasts himself in sacrifice to Chris Kelly

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View rednblue4eva's Profile rednblue4eva Flag Norwood 16 Mar 12 4.41pm Send a Private Message to rednblue4eva Add rednblue4eva as a friend

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize last night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and
the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

 

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View Mikeybaby's Profile Mikeybaby Flag 20 Mar 12 12.05pm Send a Private Message to Mikeybaby Add Mikeybaby as a friend

The missus just bought a ruler from Smiths...

Heaven knows, I'm measurable now


 

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View moylerg's Profile moylerg Flag Cofton Hackett, Worcestershire 20 Mar 12 12.21pm Send a Private Message to moylerg Add moylerg as a friend

Quote Mikeybaby at 20 Mar 2012 12.05pm

The missus just bought a ruler from Smiths...

Heaven knows, I'm measurable now


Love it!

 


Most certainly not European.

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View marrio100's Profile marrio100 Flag Southwater 20 Mar 12 1.54pm Send a Private Message to marrio100 Add marrio100 as a friend

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex life.

She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.

At a strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ... enough times that her husband finally asks, "Are you wearing crotchless panties?"

"Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.

"Thank God," he says "I thought you were sitting on the cat."

 

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View Horley Eagle's Profile Horley Eagle Flag Somewhere only I know 21 Mar 12 12.29pm Send a Private Message to Horley Eagle Add Horley Eagle as a friend

Quote marrio100 at 20 Mar 2012 1.54pm

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex life.

She puts them on, together with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.

At a strategic moments she uncrosses her legs ... enough times that her husband finally asks, "Are you wearing crotchless panties?"

"Y-e-s," she answers with a seductive smile.

"Thank God," he says "I thought you were sitting on the cat."

 


Pinch me, I'm dreaming, but if it is don't let me know.

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View Mikeybaby's Profile Mikeybaby Flag 22 Mar 12 11.06am Send a Private Message to Mikeybaby Add Mikeybaby as a friend

I swallowed some Scrabble pieces last night.

Scared to go to toilet now as it could spell trouble.


 

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