Apparently staying in bed and screaming "oh god" does not constitute going to church

Three pregnant women sitting in a Doctor's waiting room, all knitting while they wait to be seen.
Knit, knit, knit, knit....
The first woman puts down her knitting, opens her handbag, takes out a packet of pills and takes two.
"Oh, what's that you're taking?" asks the second woman.
"It's Aspirin" she replies, " Doctor says it'll thin my blood"
"Yes, I've heard about that" says the third woman.
Knit, knit, knit, knit....
The second woman puts down her knitting, opens her handbag, takes out a pack of pills and takes two.
"Are you on Aspirin too?" asks the first woman.
"No, they're Zinc, Doctor says it helps Baby's development".
"Yes, I've heard about that too" says the third woman.
Knit, knit, knit, knit....
The third woman then puts down her knitting, opens her handbag, takes out a bottle of pills and takes two.
"Oh, is that Zinc?" asks the second woman.
"No"
"Is it Aspirin?" asks the first.
"No, it's Thalidamide, I'm no good at sleeves....."

I also enjoy posting on: Love Everton Forum, the Acceptable Face of Scouse Football.
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Come and JOIN.
Or they'll nick your telly.

I was in town earlier and a man just shouted at me until I answered his multiple-choice questionnaire on Christianity.

He scared the b) Jesus out of me...

Hmmmmmm......not sure you've got that one quite right. I know it's crap jokes 'n all but.....

"They got his own song 'He's just too good for you', it's quite unbelievable but when you see it and he's facing up someone - I actually feel sorry for them, 'Cos he actually is" - Ian Holloway

My Korean girlfriend made me a pie from Scratch.

I bloody loved that dog, I did!

Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)!

On a recent trip to the United States , Tony Blair, Ex. Prime Minister of the UK and now U.N. Middle East Peace Envoy, addressed a major gathering of Native American Indians.

He spoke for almost two hours on his success in bringing about a lasting peace settlement amongst the warring nations of the Middle East, likening it to the way that the U.S. Government found a suitable agreement with the North American tribes.

At the conclusion of his speech, the crowd presented him with a plaque inscribed with his new Indian name - Walking Eagle.

A very chuffed Tony then departed in his motorcade, waving to the crowds..

A news reporter later asked one of the Indians how they came to select the new name given to Tony Blair. They explained that Walking Eagle is the name given to a bird so full of s*** that it can no longer fly

Touch my coffee and I will slap you so hard even Google won't be able to find you.