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April 25 2024 6.31am

I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)

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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 11 Jan 11 11.18am Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

Since the snow came all the wife has done is look through the window. If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.

 


...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 11 Jan 11 11.18am Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit.

 


...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 11 Jan 11 11.18am Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend


2 women called at my door and asked what bread I ate, when I said white they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes. I think they were Hovis Witnesses.

 


...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

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Hoof Hearted 11 Jan 11 4.51pm

The Beckhams have only been back in the UK 5 days and already Posh is pegnant.

John Terry doesn't fcuk about!

 

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View lanzarote ron's Profile lanzarote ron Flag East Grinstead 12 Jan 11 6.12pm Send a Private Message to lanzarote ron Add lanzarote ron as a friend

Got an e-mail today from a bored local housewife, 43, who was looking for some hot action!
So I sent her my ironing. That'll keep her busy.

 


When you're dead you don't know you're dead.

It is difficult only for the others.

It's the same when you're stupid.

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Hoof Hearted 14 Jan 11 12.30pm

An elderly man is stopped by the police around 1 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.

The man replies, ”I am going to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body.”

The officer then asks, ”Really?.... And just who is giving that lecture at this time of night?

The man replies, “My wife."

 

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View OldFart's Profile OldFart Flag By the sea 17 Jan 11 1.56pm Send a Private Message to OldFart Add OldFart as a friend

I thought I'd be a gentleman and hold the door openfor a young lady. After 2 minutes she said "sod off I'm trying to have a crap"

 

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View Horley Eagle's Profile Horley Eagle Flag Somewhere only I know 19 Jan 11 1.18pm Send a Private Message to Horley Eagle Add Horley Eagle as a friend

Gary Glitter is thinking about getting a season ticket to Aston Villa. He has heard about the recent transfer rumours and likes the sound of their forward line Young, Bent and Keane.

 


Pinch me, I'm dreaming, but if it is don't let me know.

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View Horley Eagle's Profile Horley Eagle Flag Somewhere only I know 19 Jan 11 1.25pm Send a Private Message to Horley Eagle Add Horley Eagle as a friend

My poxy neighbour knocked on my door at 2am this morning. 2am?!! Lucky I was still up playing my drums.

 


Pinch me, I'm dreaming, but if it is don't let me know.

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View crystal balls's Profile crystal balls Flag The Garden of Earthly Delights 20 Jan 11 3.12pm Send a Private Message to crystal balls Add crystal balls as a friend

A couple knocked on my door last night and asked me to be Jehovah's witness. I said I'm sorry, I didn't even know he'd had an accident

 


I used to be immortal

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View crystal balls's Profile crystal balls Flag The Garden of Earthly Delights 20 Jan 11 3.15pm Send a Private Message to crystal balls Add crystal balls as a friend

Earlier today in Scotland; with a view to attracting more customers, the Association of Chinese Restauranteurs voted to combine Burns Night with Chinese New Year. It'll be known as Chinese Burns Night (ouch)!

 


I used to be immortal

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View OldFart's Profile OldFart Flag By the sea 20 Jan 11 9.06pm Send a Private Message to OldFart Add OldFart as a friend

Letter to Agony Aunt.

Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved into the place opposite me.one is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties.They go everywhere together and I've never seen them with a man. do you think they could be lebanese?

 

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