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April 19 2024 10.56am

I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)

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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 02 Sep 11 10.37am Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

Crime in multi-storey car parks.

Wrong on so many different levels...

(Sorry if already been done)

 

...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...
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View Old Chap's Profile Old Chap Flag Orpington 02 Sep 11 4.58pm Send a Private Message to Old Chap Add Old Chap as a friend

Person of limited intelligence goes to see his doctor, says "I want to be castrated"

Doctor says "That's rather extreme isn't it?"

"Got to be done, it's my new religion"

"OK" says the doctor "But it can't be done on the NHS, you'll have to go private"

"Don't care" says the person of limited intelligence

"If you're sure, I'll refer you to a specialist" says the doctor


He goes in hospital, has the operation. In bed recovering & there's another guy in the next bed moaning in paid

"What's up?" says the person of limited intelligence

"I've just been circumcised" says other guy


"THAT WAS THE WORD" says the person of limited intelligence


 

Trivial fact - Palace used to win 5-1 at least once a season, maybe next season?
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View mooro's Profile mooro Flag Within the Temples of Syrinx 08 Sep 11 6.47pm Send a Private Message to mooro Add mooro as a friend

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone...........then it dawned on me.

 

There's no sun, the shadow of the wizard.......
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View Old Chap's Profile Old Chap Flag Orpington 13 Sep 11 11.59am Send a Private Message to Old Chap Add Old Chap as a friend

PICTURE NOT SAFE AT WORK!

Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee.
The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'."
The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'.”
Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She replies, "I have a daughter; slim, tall, 38D breast, 24" waist, 34" hips. When she walks into a room people say...


(look at the picture)

"Jesus Christ!"

securedownload.jpg Attachment: securedownload.jpg (17.85Kb)

 

Trivial fact - Palace used to win 5-1 at least once a season, maybe next season?
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View lanzarote ron's Profile lanzarote ron Flag East Grinstead 20 Sep 11 5.37pm Send a Private Message to lanzarote ron Add lanzarote ron as a friend

I was talking to a mate who asked me

"What's your ring tone?"

I had to answer honestly -


"I haven't looked but i would have to say a light brown!"

 

When you're dead you don't know you're dead.

It is difficult only for the others.

It's the same when you're stupid.
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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 29 Sep 11 9.12am Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

What hangs alone for years in a tower, is obsessively in love with a gypsy and gets used by boxers for exercise?

The punch bag of notre dame.

 

...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...
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View teejay61's Profile teejay61 Flag The Cup of Sid 29 Sep 11 10.46am Send a Private Message to teejay61 Add teejay61 as a friend

Sophie Ellis Bextor has been found headbutted to death in a French footballers apartment

It was Murder on Zidane's Floor

 

Supporting the mighty CPFC since September 1971
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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 04 Oct 11 1.01pm Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

I haven't spoken to my wife in 6 months.

I don't like to interrupt her...

 

...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...
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View crystal balls's Profile crystal balls Flag The Garden of Earthly Delights 04 Oct 11 5.46pm Send a Private Message to crystal balls Add crystal balls as a friend

I didn't want to believe thet my Dad stole from his job as a road worker, but when I got home all the signs were there.

 

I used to be immortal
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View Bin Liner's Profile Bin Liner Flag London , Southfields 04 Oct 11 5.49pm Send a Private Message to Bin Liner Add Bin Liner as a friend

Quote teejay61 at 29 Sep 2011 10.46am

Sophie Ellis Bextor has been found headbutted to death in a French footballers apartment

It was Murder on Zidane's Floor


if only it were true, cant f/ucking stand her

 

Portillo's teeth removed to boost pound

Boy roasts himself in sacrifice to Chris Kelly
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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 05 Oct 11 8.47am Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

Knock knock.

Who's there?

General Lee.

General Lee who?

Generally I don't tell jokes.

 

...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...
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View Deleagle's Profile Deleagle Flag "Bubba's bar 'n' grill" 07 Oct 11 6.51pm Send a Private Message to Deleagle Add Deleagle as a friend

30 years ago we had Bob Hope, Johnny Cash and Steve Jobs.
Now we have no hope, no cash and no jobs

 

What can this strange device be?
When I touch it it gives forth a sound.



Eagles fit fans squad number 21, group 2

- =

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