Nearly choked on my lunch reading that

"It feels much better than it ever did, much more sensitive." John Wayne Bobbit

Going to my first match of the season this afternoon. I'd love dear Tekkers to score - but it just seems impossible...

I’d love him to pull his hamstring in the warmup.

It’s beyond embarrassing. It’s deluded. I doubt even China are calling anymore.

He has more chance of successfully pulling his John Thomas than he does his hamstring. You have to run to pull a hamstring. That article is beyond a joke. I get it that you have to have a certain arrogance to be a top sportsman, but this smacks of blaming everyone except himself. His 3 worst attributes as a striker:

1) poor positional play.
2) makes poor decisions with the ball
3) can’t finish

All in all not really what you want from a striker.

I was discussing at length how the club could get some value out of CB over a few pints before kick off on Saturday. In the absence of a wealthy Chinese club owner who has been in a coma for 3 years and just woken up we came up with the following:

1)Get him to sell half time super draw tickets, as this requires little or no movement.
2)Perhaps he could step in for Pete the Eagle as he has the physic to cope with the costume , and he generally wanders around the pitch aimlessly flapping his arms.
After that we were struggling.