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Christmas warning

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mr. apollo Flag Somewhere in Switzerland 21 Dec 18 6.48am Send a Private Message to mr. apollo Add mr. apollo as a friend

Please be advised that all employees planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs.

The assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night. While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all facility users are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks. The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that prior to shining his/her glory all around s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory

Following last year’s well publicised case, everyone is advised that legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

While it is acknowledged that gift-bearing is commonly practised in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded under provisions of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. Further, caution is advised regarding other common gifts, such as aromatic resins that may initiate allergic reactions.

Finally, for those involved in the recent case of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.
Wishing you a very Merry Christmas – be safe out there.......

 



Glad

All

Over

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Badger11 Flag Beckenham 21 Dec 18 7.51am Send a Private Message to Badger11 Add Badger11 as a friend

Originally posted by mr. apollo

Please be advised that all employees planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs.

The assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night. While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all facility users are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks. The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that prior to shining his/her glory all around s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory

Following last year’s well publicised case, everyone is advised that legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. R. Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

While it is acknowledged that gift-bearing is commonly practised in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded under provisions of the Foreign Corrupt Practices Act. Further, caution is advised regarding other common gifts, such as aromatic resins that may initiate allergic reactions.

Finally, for those involved in the recent case of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be arriving shortly.
Wishing you a very Merry Christmas – be safe out there.......

I would give you a LOL but its too true. No doubt a lot of this was going on a Gatwick yesterday.

 


One more point

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ex hibitionist Flag Hastings 21 Dec 18 11.08am Send a Private Message to ex hibitionist Add ex hibitionist as a friend

One imagines those shepherds previously charged two and six for fish and chips by the angel referred to in Paragraph One will have their tariff subject to currency conversion and retrospective increase as no annual surcharge has been factored in nor has VAT been accounted for, and the batter needs to be gluten free

 

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becky Flag over the moon 21 Dec 18 12.00pm Send a Private Message to becky Holmesdale Online Elite Member Add becky as a friend

All premises leaving food for Santa are reminded that they must have a valid Food Hygiene Certificate, and where possible also clearly display any current Hygiene Rating.

Alcohol may not be provided unless the premises are licenced for consumption on or off the premises.

Whilst food left for Reindeer is exempt from the above requirement,the provision of alcohol is prohibited as this would contravene current Wildlife Act regulations.

 


A stairway to Heaven and a Highway to Hell give some indication of expected traffic numbers

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chateauferret Flag 21 Dec 18 6.06pm

Hither, page, and stand by me,
If thou know'st it, telling,
Yonder peasant, who is he?
Where and what his dwelling?

Miles and miles away. I mean,
Right out in the boonies.
On some dodgy ****cil scheme
Hoachin wi pure loonies.

 


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The Ferret
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chateauferret Flag 21 Dec 18 8.55pm

Oi! Council but with two "o"s à l'écossaise should be on your word filter's scunthorpe list. HTH.

Kinda on topic though :-)

Edited by chateauferret (21 Dec 2018 8.56pm)

 


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The Ferret
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