Sorry to hear how much it has bothered you more recently Michaela. If it's any consolation I have seen many people royally messed up by poor fathering. Having a father in your life may not have been better. Good job you have the HOL family to give lots of fatherly advice.

See this is the thing. There's a very true saying in life. What you don't have you don't miss. Your girls had their mum , you all remember her . You are also a male raising two girls. Much the same for a woman raising boys who have had their father present.

My case as you know is I have never met or known the identity of my father. Growing up I didn't bat an eyelid. To me I had a mum. Didn't give any thought to my father. As I say what you don't have you don't miss. It's bothered me immensely as I grew older and learnt the details behind my entry into the world. But as a kid. Nope. Made no difference to me at all. However I realise this may be because I am a female and it's a male figure. I wonder therefore what difference or impact it has if it's the opposite gender to the child who is absent for whatever reason.

See this is the thing. There's a very true saying in life. What you don't have you don't miss. Your girls had their mum , you all remember her . You are also a male raising two girls. Much the same for a woman raising boys who have had their father present.

My case as you know is I have never met or known the identity of my father. Growing up I didn't bat an eyelid. To me I had a mum. Didn't give any thought to my father. As I say what you don't have you don't miss. It's bothered me immensely as I grew older and learnt the details behind my entry into the world. But as a kid. Nope. Made no difference to me at all. However I realise this may be because I am a female and it's a male figure. I wonder therefore what difference or impact it has if it's the opposite gender to the child who is absent for whatever reason.

And therein lies the absolute crux of my argument. As so called enlightened humans we have decided that same sex couples with kids is a blinding idea. Without any study into the future psychological effects of those children placed in their care. Don't think for one minute I am demonising same sex parents. I just think in our rush to be "inclusive" we have rather missed who this affects most.

erm, in the bit I highlighted perhaps.

''with even s***tier parents then same sex couples''

Edited by Mapletree (10 Oct 2017 11.47am)

There is quite a bit of research of kids who've grown up with gay parents though. Its an area of sociology and psychological research that's been going on for decades. Interestingly, the child of a gay parent are no more likely to be gay, than those of straight parents - but they are more likely to find it easier to come to terms with being gay, and to have less social issues around gay people.

Problem isn't really the impact of kids being placed with gay parents, one would expect some issues - the question is whether this is worse than the impact in general of growing up in foster care and the care system (or in 'at risk environments').

When I worked for the Courts, we dealt with Child Protection Orders and cases of abuse, neglect and risk - Sexual orientation of parents isn't the kind of problem that kids in care are going to be damaged by, compared to the prolonged risks inherent in the care system.