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I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)

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OldFart Flag By the sea 20 Jan 11 9.09pm Send a Private Message to OldFart Add OldFart as a friend

Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust.he cheats on me so much that I'm not sure that the baby I'm carrying is his

 
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OldFart Flag By the sea 20 Jan 11 9.28pm Send a Private Message to OldFart Add OldFart as a friend

Dear Abby,
My 40 year old son has been paying a psychiatrist £50 an hour for the last 2 and a half years. He must be crazy

 
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lanzarote ron Flag East Grinstead 21 Jan 11 8.05am Send a Private Message to lanzarote ron Add lanzarote ron as a friend

Spent £40.00 on e-bay last week for a p**** enlarger.Just opened it & some b******s sent me a magnifying glass.

 

When you're dead you don't know you're dead.

It is difficult only for the others.

It's the same when you're stupid.
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lanzarote ron Flag East Grinstead 21 Jan 11 8.07am Send a Private Message to lanzarote ron Add lanzarote ron as a friend

So Jordon & Alex have split.I think the only one who didn't see that coming was Harvey.

 

When you're dead you don't know you're dead.

It is difficult only for the others.

It's the same when you're stupid.
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lanzarote ron Flag East Grinstead 23 Jan 11 6.58pm Send a Private Message to lanzarote ron Add lanzarote ron as a friend

Our Brazilian housekeeper is rubbish at making the beds.

She's very tidy downstairs though!!

 

When you're dead you don't know you're dead.

It is difficult only for the others.

It's the same when you're stupid.
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Bekken Flag 23 Jan 11 7.06pm Send a Private Message to Bekken Add Bekken as a friend


The girlfriend got me a new fragrance at Christmas, its called 'Breadcrumbs"... The birds love it!

 
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Mr Statto Flag Ifield 25 Jan 11 12.43pm Send a Private Message to Mr Statto Add Mr Statto as a friend

I went to an Indian restaurant, and half way through the meal the waiter asked, “Curry okay?”

I said, “Oh, go on then. Just one song.”

Edited by Mr Statto (25 Jan 2011 12.43pm)

 

That's just the ramblings of a madman

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Mr Statto Flag Ifield 25 Jan 11 12.44pm Send a Private Message to Mr Statto Add Mr Statto as a friend

One day the teacher wanted the class to use the word ‘definitely’ in a sentence.Suzie raised her hand so she called on her. She said, “The sky is definitely blue!” “I’m sorry Suzie that’s wrong, the sky sometimes turns different colours: red, grey, etc… anybody else?”

Timmy raised his hand and said, “The grass is definitely green.” “I’m sorry Timmy, that’s not true either, sometimes the grass dies and it can turn brown, anybody else?” Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, “Miss, do farts have lumps?” The teacher says, “No, why?” “Then I definitely s*** my pants!”

 

That's just the ramblings of a madman

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Mr Statto Flag Ifield 25 Jan 11 12.45pm Send a Private Message to Mr Statto Add Mr Statto as a friend

Three old friends are finishing their third pint at the bar when one of them gets up to leave. “Where do you think you’re going?” ask the other two. He replies, “I’ve got to leave. Last time we went drinking together we got so drunk that I staggered home and blew chunks on the living room carpet right in front of my wife and her parents.”

“That’s nothing,” replied one of his friends. “I was so drunk I crashed my car into a police station.”

“I walked into the wrong house and climbed into bed with my neighbour’s wife,” said the other.

“You don’t understand,” says the first guy. “Chunks is our dog.”

 

That's just the ramblings of a madman

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lanzarote ron Flag East Grinstead 26 Jan 11 10.52pm Send a Private Message to lanzarote ron Add lanzarote ron as a friend

ROLF HARRIS HAS COME OUT OF RETIREMENT TO RELEASE A RECORD FOR THE FLOOD VICTIM APPEAL,

¨TIE ME CAMPERVAN DOWN, SPORT ¨ IS EXPECTED TO REACH No. 1, NEXT WEEK

 

When you're dead you don't know you're dead.

It is difficult only for the others.

It's the same when you're stupid.
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Cannonball Flag High in the Ozarks. 27 Jan 11 12.04am Send a Private Message to Cannonball Add Cannonball as a friend

Quote lanzarote ron at 26 Jan 2011 10.52pm

ROLF HARRIS HAS COME OUT OF RETIREMENT TO RELEASE A RECORD FOR THE FLOOD VICTIM APPEAL,

¨TIE ME CAMPERVAN DOWN, SPORT ¨ IS EXPECTED TO REACH No. 1, NEXT WEEK


Yeah, and Nick cave & Kylie Minogue are doing a new version of "Where the wild roses grow" its called "Where the wild waters flow"

 

Touch my coffee and I will slap you so hard even Google won't be able to find you.
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Moose Flag In the sewer pipe... 31 Jan 11 10.59am Send a Private Message to Moose Add Moose as a friend

Why do women have orgasms?

So they can f*cking moan even while they're enjoying themselves.

 

Goodness is what you do. Not who you pray to.
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