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Johnny Eagles berlin 17 Aug 12 4.11pm | |
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I saw this fat girl struggling to get a couple of large, and obviously heavy, boxes down some steps and into her car. "You look like you need a big strong man to help you with those" I said to her. "Oooh thank you" she said, fluttering her eyelashes. "Well, maybe if you lost some weight, you'd get one, love" I replied, walking off.
...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread... |
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nickyf 17 Aug 12 6.14pm | |
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BREAKING NEWS: Robin Van Persie's North London flat was last night set on fire. Police suspect Arsene!!
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nickyf 17 Aug 12 6.18pm | |
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Quote Johnny Eagles at 17 Aug 2012 4.11pm
I saw this fat girl struggling to get a couple of large, and obviously heavy, boxes down some steps and into her car. "You look like you need a big strong man to help you with those" I said to her. "Oooh thank you" she said, fluttering her eyelashes. "Well, maybe if you lost some weight, you'd get one, love" I replied, walking off.
wicked but funny
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DevonDan28 Midlands 19 Aug 12 9.51pm | |
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Last night vandals broke into the local Chinese restaurant and completely ransacked it. Police have described it as Wonton destruction.
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Palacetinian Surrey Fam 21 Aug 12 8.56am | |
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Top one liners from the Edinburgh festival! The top jokes were: 1. Stewart Francis - "You know who really gives kids a bad name? Posh and Becks."
Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)! |
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lanzarote ron East Grinstead 24 Aug 12 10.51am | |
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I was walking through Liverpool today when I was stopped by a young kid outside a newsagents. "Can you buy me some cigarettes please?" he asked. "Sorry mate, no," I replied. "Come on," he said, "They're not for me, they're for my mum." "Well, why can't the lazy bitch get them herself?" I asked. "She's not 18 until February," came the reply.
When you're dead you don't know you're dead. It is difficult only for the others. It's the same when you're stupid. |
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Cannonball High in the Ozarks. 27 Aug 12 1.23pm | |
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The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?" Donald frowned and said, "No." Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex. "Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested. So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms. "Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald. The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put them on your bill?" "Thit No!" Donald quacked, "I'll thuffocate!"
Touch my coffee and I will slap you so hard even Google won't be able to find you. |
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lanzarote ron East Grinstead 28 Aug 12 3.45pm | |
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When you're dead you don't know you're dead. It is difficult only for the others. It's the same when you're stupid. |
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jelholyoake 28 Aug 12 10.28pm | |
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Yesterday I was at my local Sainsbury's store buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
When i see him, it's gonna be painful. Skinny little cont. |
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Mikeybaby 29 Aug 12 11.33am | |
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Some hippy threw a box of joss sticks at me last night. I was incensed..
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lanzarote ron East Grinstead 30 Aug 12 2.53pm | |
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Arthur is 85 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 20 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has got so bad. Once I've hit the ball, I can't see where it went." His wife sympathizes. As they sit down, she has a suggestion: "Why don't you take my brother with you, and give it one more try." "That's no good," sighs Arthur. "Your brother is ninety two. He can't help." "He may be ninety two," says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect." So the next day, Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes an almighty swing, and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law. "Did you see the ball ?" "Of course I did !", says the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight." "Where did it go ?" asks Arthur. "Can't remember."
When you're dead you don't know you're dead. It is difficult only for the others. It's the same when you're stupid. |
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MONITORGEEZER LIngfield 05 Sep 12 11.39am | |
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I went to the doctor's office the other day at my wife’s request and found out our new family doctor is a young female & drop-dead gorgeous. "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've seen it all before. I thought for a moment then I said, "My wife thinks my p**** tastes of strawberries."
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