On the train just now, someone next to me was reading the Brighton Argus.

I didn't have my reading glasses on, but I could just about make out the front page story.

If I've read it correctly, it said:

"Sussex Police have uncovered a deadly cache of arms. Police say terror group the Provisional Palace Ultras was planning to use it to create HAVOC before during and after the FA Cop tie at the Amex stadium.

"Oh puh-lease, lord, won't someone think of the children," said Barber, who also appealed for calm.

The bloke got off, so I didn't read the rest of the article, but it was in the Brighton Argus, which is the newspaper of record, so it must be true.

I noticed there was a follow up feature. "How the secret, para-military Palace thugs traveled in a time machine from the 1980s."

And a column by the local police chief calling for more government funding for the police, restricted reporting and a massive clampdown on all forms of entertainment.

It pains me to say this. but. For this first time in my life...... I am ashamed to be a Palace fan.

I just hope these trouble makers are caught. And if they can't catch them, let's make an example of some innocent bystanders. That will hit the thugs where it hurts. It's the only language they understand.

Oh and let's hope the Chief SuperIntendent of Sussex Police gets the recognition he deserves.

He really is a man of courage and integrity. He doesn't make things up. And neither does Paul Barber.

If they say there was a container of pixie dust, and magic beans that were intended to be used for a getaway bean stalk, then they must be believed. These are credible witnesses who deserve our respect,

He may not be able to catch any criminals or drug dealers, but by crikey, when there's a few Stripey Nigels about there is nobody tougher than the Chief Superintendent of Sussex Police.

Edited by OhthisbloodyPC (14 Dec 2017 7.20pm)

Edited by OhthisbloodyPC (14 Dec 2017 7.25pm)

On the train just now, someone next to me was reading the Brighton Argus.

I didn't have my reading glasses on, but I could just about make out the front page story.

If I've read it correctly, it said:

"Sussex Police have uncovered a deadly cache of arms. Police say terror group the Provisional Palace Ultras was planning to use it to create HAVOC before during and after the FA Cop tie at the Amex stadium.

The haul included knuckle dusters, Peaky Blinders, a Blunderbuss, a Trebuchet and a Medieval Battering Ram.

The deadly arsenal was found concealed under a tarpaulin in a dungeon in a castle in the air. Sussex Police say their intelligence sources have confirmed that Ultras intended to ferry to weapons to the Amex using specially trained winged monkeys.

According to sources at Brighton and Hove Albion's Crowd Safety Unit, fans planned to distract the ground staff with flares. Then, hidden by a blanket of smoke, a Pied Piper intended to lead all the children of Brighton out of the town, with a series of haunting melodies.

Brighton and Hove Albion FC chief executive Paul Barber says he is not surprised in the least, and has appealed for special dispensation to call in an air strike on away fans.

"Oh puh-lease, lord, won't someone think of the children," said Barber, who also appealed for calm.

The bloke got off, so I didn't read the rest of the article, but it was in the Brighton Argus, which is the newspaper of record, so it must be true.

I noticed there was a follow up feature. "How the secret, para-military Palace thugs traveled in a time machine from the 1980s."

And a column by the local police chief calling for more government funding for the police, restricted reporting and a massive clampdown on all forms of entertainment.

It pains me to say this. but. For this first time in my life...... I am ashamed to be a Palace fan.

I just hope these trouble makers are caught. And if they can't catch them, let's make an example of some innocent bystanders. That will hit the thugs where it hurts. It's the only language they understand.

Oh and let's hope the Chief SuperIntendent of Sussex Police gets the recognition he deserves.

He really is a man of courage and integrity. He doesn't make things up. And neither does Paul Barber.

If they say there was a container of pixie dust, and magic beans that were intended to be used for a getaway bean stalk, then they must be believed. These are credible witnesses who deserve our respect,

He may not be able to catch any criminals or drug dealers, but by crikey, when there's a few Stripey Nigels about there is nobody tougher than the Chief Superintendent of Sussex Police.

Yes, let's all be dull, reactive and negative like you then.

Sitting on your arse, never coming up with anything new or out of the ordinary, just content to use words like dickhead and s***. As if you never moved on from the playground.

You've got no original thoughts of your own, because you are too cowardly to try anything different, so you try to compensate by saying everything else is s***. What a fantastic vocabulary you have. What an emotional range. What devastating wit.

It's easy to slag things off. That's why you do it.

If it was difficult or challenging, you wouldn't have to the bollocks or the intelligence to even try.

Is that clear enough for you?

It might be rambling like clematis but it really does essay a great well of oratory and the great cacophanous crescendo of punditry brought merriment to my face.

I though Willo was from the South coast, now I think he’s from the 16th century.