Right , i'm getting this off my chest when i''m pissed so please excuse the bad typing!

earler on this evening, on my way back from somewhere, i saw a girl getting chased by some fella. i asked him what he was doing and he f***eed off , but then i saw the girl was covered in bruises, cuts etc. first off i made sure she was cool, then she asked me to get her cigs and jakcet off the fella, so i went and got them off him. when i went up to him, he was a big strapping 40-year old (roughly), but he was eating out of my hand (and i'm apparently a tall skinny student 'numpty'. i got the bits and went back to the girl, made sure she was ok, etc etc.

anyway, the thing that bugs me know is that she lives near and i know she had an abusive ex. i want to punch his f***ing grill out but the girl wasnt too receptive to that idea. she wasnt too keen on calling the police either (although that obviously makes sense). i'm meeting her again on a check-up, but what kind of things should i be doing right now?

again, pardon the text language and typo's please but i'm not in a great mood.

Edited by tetley (23 Mar 2005 4:09pm)

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I think the only thing you should do mate is just be there as a friend/someone to talk to. She obviously needs help, but she's got to want the help first.

In a situation like that - it's just best to help her as much as you can, but not interfere between the couple. (unless of course she wants you to, then that's a different ball game)

have to agree with Saucy, I think she definitely needs some good support right now, someone she can rely on to be there.

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If you're a strong enough woman you wouldn't let anyone do that to you anyway.

Some women just let guys piss all over them, well in that case they deserve everything they get, sorry !!

Man, in general, is a violent being. Most wars are started between men, most people in the army are men .. men are also the drivers behind rough sex, child porn, combat sports, world domination, abuse of power, hunting etc.. etc.. etc...

If you're a woman and you let them do that to you then it's your own fault ! Tell him where the line is drawn, step over it and the police is there, simple as !!

My apologies for the strong views, but everyone in life gets what they deserve !

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Interfering in a spat between a couple is generally unwise as you amost certainly don't know the causes of the ruck in the first place.

JollyStef I have alwyas enjoyed reading your posts, but I am absolutely appalled by what you have written here. There is no excuse for violence from either men or women, domestic abuse is not only man on women it is more common than you think for abuse to be women on man. It is also not only physical abuse but the mental abuse that can grind a strong independant women down. Domestic abuse often happens in households where alcoholism is a key element.

So a women (or man) to who is unable to stop mental and physical abuse (including rape) deserved it?

I'm glad I touched a nerve, it means this discussion is a good one to have. I also apologise for putting it so bluntly, it was merely to shed light on the other side of some of the stories behind these beatings !

Faraway and Jcreedy : I agree it ain't black and white .. in order to make a point without going into details i had to generalise the situation, it was vital to make it black and white! I do understand the difference between someone who is so weak they let men walk all over them and someone who is generally scared due to previous experiences (abused as a child etc..).

A_J shorts : Well first of all thanks for telling me you enjoy most of my posts. I have the same to say as per above in my defence .. I understand it ain't always black and white and i had to make this generalisation to get my point across. Now I understand things are different after having been raped etc.. Mental and physical abuse can be devestating, please believe me when I say i understand that.

But all of you must know some women (or a lot for that matter) let a guy hit them once, the week after twice, then the first serious hit etc... until it has escalated into a serious problem. These women, who f.e. didn't have any experience with it before, just let it come too far. THAT is self-inflicted. If you then want to help them they don't even want it. They're the ones always going back although they know what is gonna happen next. They are the ones messing up their own lives. I've known a few girls like that and when trying to help them it was ME who got into trouble .. go figure !!

I agree it ain't always so black and white, but please believe me if I tell you it could have been prevented by the woman if she would have taken control of things.

Edited by JollyStef (22 Mar 2005 12:38pm)

Edited by JollyStef (22 Mar 2005 12:39pm)

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Exactly, so why not draw the line to start of with ?

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Horsham, just read my follow-up matey

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Something else that's been forgotten is that generally, men are stronger and bigger than women. This greater physical presence is often enough to make women scared enough to be controlled by men, with just the threat of violence enough to keep them from reporting any earlier abuse.

Also, as has been said, a woman with a history of abuse or violence against her may well believe it is her fault. Low self-esteem can cause people to depend on others, even when their partner is abusing or being violent to them.

It can happen the other way round, but the vast majority of these cases are perpetrated by men on women. Domestic violence has been going on since time immemorial, but at least now more people are coming forward and reporting this kind of abuse. Not long ago, "domestics" were ignored by the police, whereas now it is rightly seen as a serious crime and charges can be brought even when the victim is too scared or otherwise reluctant to report the matter.

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