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I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)

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monkey Sittingbourne,but made in Bromley 28 May 08 4.08pm
I've got a dog called Minton...............It keeps eating all my shuttle cocks.............Bad Minton

monkey

Sittingbourne,but made in Bromley 28 May 08 4.08pm

I've got a dog called Minton...............It keeps eating all my shuttle cocks.............Bad Minton

shaness Not a million miles from here. 28 May 08 11.02pm
Quote monkey at 28 May 2008 4:08pm I've got a dog called Minton...............It keeps eating all my shuttle cocks.............Bad Minton Thanks monkey. Made my day! I am NOT going to a titty bar with John Inverdale! - Rob Brydon Just been to a new Japanese/Jewish fusion restaurant. SOSUMI

shaness

Not a million miles from here. 28 May 08 11.02pm

Quote monkey at 28 May 2008 4:08pm

I've got a dog called Minton...............It keeps eating all my shuttle cocks.............Bad Minton

Thanks monkey. Made my day!

I am NOT going to a titty bar with John Inverdale! - Rob Brydon

Just been to a new Japanese/Jewish fusion restaurant. SOSUMI

Don Rogers Tache hanging around the local Taco Bell... 28 May 08 11.37pm
Quote shaness at 28 May 2008 11:02pm Quote monkey at 28 May 2008 4:08pm I've got a dog called Minton...............It keeps eating all my shuttle cocks.............Bad Minton Thanks monkey. Made my day! Agreed Shaness.Far too good for this thread! I know you are but what am I?

Don Rogers Tache

hanging around the local Taco Bell... 28 May 08 11.37pm

Quote shaness at 28 May 2008 11:02pm

Quote monkey at 28 May 2008 4:08pm

I've got a dog called Minton...............It keeps eating all my shuttle cocks.............Bad Minton

Thanks monkey. Made my day!

Agreed Shaness.Far too good for this thread!

I know you are but what am I?

monkey Sittingbourne,but made in Bromley 30 May 08 3.34pm
two aerials met on a roof,they fell in love and got married,the wedding was rubbish but the reception was good.

monkey

Sittingbourne,but made in Bromley 30 May 08 3.34pm

two aerials met on a roof,they fell in love and got married,the wedding was rubbish but the reception was good.

monkey Sittingbourne,but made in Bromley 30 May 08 4.07pm
a lorry load of tortoise and a lorry load or teripins collided on the M25 this morning........It was a turtle disaster.

monkey

Sittingbourne,but made in Bromley 30 May 08 4.07pm

a lorry load of tortoise and a lorry load or teripins collided on the M25 this morning........It was a turtle disaster.

Don Rogers Tache hanging around the local Taco Bell... 30 May 08 4.22pm
Just packed in my job at the helium factory.I'm not being spoken to like that again! I know you are but what am I?

Don Rogers Tache

hanging around the local Taco Bell... 30 May 08 4.22pm

Just packed in my job at the helium factory.I'm not being spoken to like that again!

I know you are but what am I?

monkey Sittingbourne,but made in Bromley 30 May 08 4.31pm
what do you call an actress with 3 eyes? Jane Seymour

monkey

Sittingbourne,but made in Bromley 30 May 08 4.31pm

what do you call an actress with 3 eyes?

Jane Seymour

joe_cpfc Basingstoke 06 Jun 08 12.05am
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree ? Coz it was dead !

joe_cpfc

Basingstoke 06 Jun 08 12.05am

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree ?

Coz it was dead !

monkey Sittingbourne,but made in Bromley 20 Jun 08 6.58pm
I had a rough time at school,all the other boys kept throwing gold bars at me.........I was the victim of bullion. Edited by monkey (20 Jun 2008 6:58pm)

monkey

Sittingbourne,but made in Bromley 20 Jun 08 6.58pm

I had a rough time at school,all the other boys kept throwing gold bars at me.........I was the victim of bullion.

Edited by monkey (20 Jun 2008 6:58pm)

monkey Sittingbourne,but made in Bromley 21 Jun 08 7.53pm
what do you call a gangster who likes to pull up the back of peoples under pants? Weggie Kray

monkey

Sittingbourne,but made in Bromley 21 Jun 08 7.53pm

what do you call a gangster who likes to pull up the back of peoples under pants?

Weggie Kray

Jake d'Eagle in the section labelled 'shirts', ... 21 Jun 08 11.58pm
"My dog's got no dictionary!" "How does he spell 'terrible'?" Put a Glide in your Stride, and Dip in your Hip, Come on over to the Mothership, baby [Link] Transformation is Happening

Jake d'Eagle

in the section labelled 'shirts', ... 21 Jun 08 11.58pm

"My dog's got no dictionary!"

"How does he spell 'terrible'?"

Put a Glide in your Stride, and Dip in your Hip,
Come on over to the Mothership, baby

[Link] Transformation is Happening

danincyp Old Bexley 22 Jun 08 4.05pm
Bloke walks into pub, puts his hat on the bar. As he's about to order, the barman,s dog appears and tears his hat to pieces . "Did you see that" the man asks, "Yeah, don,t give a toss" says the barman, "I don't like your attitude" asys the man, Barman says "Its not my at'e chewed" "I never did give anyone hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell."

danincyp

Old Bexley 22 Jun 08 4.05pm

Bloke walks into pub, puts his hat on the bar.
As he's about to order, the barman,s dog appears and tears his hat to pieces .
"Did you see that" the man asks,
"Yeah, don,t give a toss" says the barman,
"I don't like your attitude" asys the man,
Barman says "Its not my at'e chewed"

"I never did give anyone hell. I just told the truth and they thought it was hell."

asquithd Carshalton 22 Jun 08 7.47pm
What's a pirates favourite chocolate? A MAAAAARGHSs BARRRRGH. Why do pirates like McDonalds? They like to eat hamburgarrrrghs. How do pirates work out diameter of a circle? Pi ARRRRGH Squared. What's a pirates favourite instrument? A guitARRRRRGH What's a pirates strongest feeling? HungAAARRRGH. How did the pirate mend his puncture? With a new tyAAAARGH. Which football team do pirates support? ARRRRGHsenal. I was there 19/12/2006 My website - it has over 300 free things to do in London - ideal for parents or students, or anyone really [Link]

asquithd

Carshalton 22 Jun 08 7.47pm

What's a pirates favourite chocolate?

A MAAAAARGHSs BARRRRGH.

Why do pirates like McDonalds?

They like to eat hamburgarrrrghs.

How do pirates work out diameter of a circle?

Pi ARRRRGH Squared.

What's a pirates favourite instrument?

A guitARRRRRGH

What's a pirates strongest feeling?

HungAAARRRGH.

How did the pirate mend his puncture?

With a new tyAAAARGH.

Which football team do pirates support?

ARRRRGHsenal.

I was there

19/12/2006

My website - it has over 300 free things to do in London - ideal for parents or students, or anyone really
[Link]

Raven South Croydon 23 Jun 08 1.54pm
I had a mate whose life long dream was to be hit by a steam train. It happened last week, chuffed to bits he was.

Raven

South Croydon 23 Jun 08 1.54pm

I had a mate whose life long dream was to be hit by a steam train. It happened last week, chuffed to bits he was.

til_i_die 23 Jun 08 3.30pm
I got in trouble with the Police for being drunk and disorderly. The copper told me to get in the van, so I did and inside there was a freezer full of choc ices and a big machine called Mr. Whippy... 'Not that van' said the policeman. Edited by til_i_die (23 Jun 2008 3:31pm)

til_i_die 23 Jun 08 3.30pm

I got in trouble with the Police for being drunk and disorderly.
The copper told me to get in the van, so I did and inside there was a freezer full of choc ices and a big machine called Mr. Whippy...

'Not that van' said the policeman.

Edited by til_i_die (23 Jun 2008 3:31pm)

monkey Sittingbourne,but made in Bromley 24 Jun 08 2.30pm
I saw a man talking to a cheetah the other day........I thought,"he's trying to pull a fast one"

monkey

Sittingbourne,but made in Bromley 24 Jun 08 2.30pm

I saw a man talking to a cheetah the other day........I thought,"he's trying to pull a fast one"

til_i_die 24 Jun 08 2.36pm
Haha how many more are going to be stolen from Time Vine I wonder?

til_i_die 24 Jun 08 2.36pm

Haha how many more are going to be stolen from Time Vine I wonder?

nickkris Back in town 24 Jun 08 2.44pm
Confucius say, man who walk into door, is bound to Bangkok. (Delivered in cod oriental accent). "Then from the wing, Vince Hilaire found the head of Ian Walsh, and Selhurst Park sensed a real victory" Burridge, Hinshelwood, Sansom, Kember, Cannon, Gilbert, Nicholas, Murphy, Swindlehurst, Walsh, Hilaire.

nickkris

Back in town 24 Jun 08 2.44pm

Confucius say, man who walk into door, is bound to Bangkok.

(Delivered in cod oriental accent).

"Then from the wing, Vince Hilaire found the head of Ian Walsh, and Selhurst Park sensed a real victory"
Burridge, Hinshelwood, Sansom, Kember, Cannon, Gilbert, Nicholas, Murphy, Swindlehurst, Walsh, Hilaire.

monkey Sittingbourne,but made in Bromley 24 Jun 08 2.44pm
Quote til_i_die at 24 Jun 2008 2:36pm Haha how many more are going to be stolen from Time Vine I wonder? I wondered how long it would be before someone sussed! And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.

monkey

Sittingbourne,but made in Bromley 24 Jun 08 2.44pm

Quote til_i_die at 24 Jun 2008 2:36pm

Haha how many more are going to be stolen from Time Vine I wonder?

I wondered how long it would be before someone sussed!

And I've got a friend who's fallen in love with two school bags, he's bisatchel.

Southampton_Eagle At the after party 24 Jun 08 2.45pm
A man lying on the beach sunbathing, wearing nothing but a cap on his cock. A woman passes & remarks 'If you were any sort of gentleman you'd lift your hat to a lady' The man replies 'If you weren't so f***ing ugly the hat would lift itself! Edited by Southampton_Eagle (24 Jun 2008 2:45pm)

Southampton_Eagle

At the after party 24 Jun 08 2.45pm

A man lying on the beach sunbathing, wearing nothing but a cap on his cock. A woman passes & remarks 'If you were any sort of gentleman you'd lift your hat to a lady'

The man replies 'If you weren't so f***ing ugly the hat would lift itself!

Edited by Southampton_Eagle (24 Jun 2008 2:45pm)

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