Magnificent.

WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Fear not; drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed, to remove the stains.

fubs, i can well believe you thought of the title. I reckon most of the regulars on here are hard-wired now to think up televisual-type puns based on the most sickening of topical events. Perhaps, in some weird way, it also helps cushion the blow of the harsh realities of day to day life.

The Big Chillcot
Political big-hitters and senior civil servants including Jack Straw, Lord Goldsmith and Tony Blair relax to the music of Orbital, Autechre and Mister Scruff before giving evidence to the Iraqi war inquiry.

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''careful Penny - we don't know what we're dealing with here''

An Englishman's Home Is Roy Castle's
Extraordinary story of how a much-loved old saying was accidentally assimilated onto the parliamentary statute book - and a subsequent, devastating, typing error led to almost 30 million properties handed over to the passive cancer-ridden world record trumpeter

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''careful Penny - we don't know what we're dealing with here''

28 Days Later With Jools Holland
The dead-eyed twinkly-fingered pianist hosts a special post-apocalyptic show on BBC2 after a mystery virus spreads through the UK, killing everyone except a few sh*t indie bands. Includes a hugely self-indulgent interview halfway through with Tim Wheeler from Ash

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''careful Penny - we don't know what we're dealing with here''

John Terry and June

And Jane and Chrissy and Donna and Lucy and Steph and Kim and Jacqui and Mary and Julie and.....

I know you are but what am I?

Mama We're All Crozier Now
Fly-on-the-wall documentary of Slade's anthemic homage to the outgoing Royal Mail and former FA chief

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''careful Penny - we don't know what we're dealing with here''