A shark went to an underwater disco and pulled a mussel.

Edited by Deleagle (24 Jun 2008 9:18pm)

What can this strange device be?
When I touch it it gives forth a sound.

Eagles fit fans squad number 21, group 2

- =

the bloke cracks me up,I havent got a dvd I just watched him on youtube,he walks out on stage wearing a pink curly frizzy wig and a stick in his hand and says "a word of advice,don't try and eat candy floss on a rollercoaster"

?

Edited by Deleagle (27 Jun 2008 9:17pm)

What can this strange device be?
When I touch it it gives forth a sound.

Eagles fit fans squad number 21, group 2

- =

There were once three people called f*** off, s***, and Manners . They were all related since they were all brothers.
One day s*** got flattened by a train, so manners started to sweep him up. Then, a policeman came up to f*** off and said, "What is your name?"
f*** off replied: "f*** off."
The policeman said, "Now really! Please, I only need your name. What is it?"
f*** off said simply: "f*** off."
The police started to angry at this point. "Just say your name and I'll f*** off!" he hissed. "What is your name?"
"f*** off."
The policeman got very frustrated here. He glared at f*** off and asked: "Where is your manners?"
"Sweeping up s***."

.

Latest result just in from Scottish league division 2......East Fife 4
Forfar 5.....
....so far!

I know you are but what am I?

I've had too much to drink so I must tell you that Forfar in Scottish div3. Well everyone always spoils my jokes...

What's worse than a bull in a china shop?

A Hedgehog in a condom factory!

don't you just hate it when people write things they think are really clever here?

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that, in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.' 'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

So, a student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether 'computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun.

Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation. The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la Computadora', because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador', because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

Trivial fact - Palace used to win 5-1 at least once a season, maybe next season?

Two blokes strolling in the everglade swamps,infested with crocs.Came across a bloke with just his head sticking out a crocs mouth,one bloke nudges the other and says"look at that flash b*****d hes got a Lacost sleeping bag.

South London born and bred
red and blue till im dead.

I went Into a public toilet the other day to have a number two,well I just sat on the throne and I had this spooky feeling that I'd been there before...........I think it was a touch of de-ja-poo

A blonde gets home early from shopping, and hears strange noises, coming
from the bedroom. She rushes upstairs, to find her husband naked on the
bed,sweating and panting. 'What's up?' she asks.'I'm having a heart
attack,' cries the husband.The blonde rushes downstairs, to grab the phone,
butjust as she is dialing, her four-year-old son comes up and says,'Mommy!
Mommy! Aunt Shirley is hiding, in your closet, and she has got, no clothes
on!' The blonde slams the phone down, and storms upstairs, into the
bedroom. Right past her husband, and rips open the closet door. Sure
enough, there is her sister, totally naked, and coweringon the closet
floor.'You rotten 'Bitch', the blonde screams. 'My husband is having a
heart attack, and you are running around naked, scaring my kids!?'

Politicaly incorrect..and I don't give a s**t
******************************************************************

Proud to be an Infidel....Can't wait for the next crusade !!!