My girlfriend texted me to say she was in casualty.

When I got home I watched all 50 minutes of it. Never saw her once, think she is lying.

She's still not home yet. I'm starving.

Pinch me, I'm dreaming, but if it is don't let me know.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, an American, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a New Zealander, a South African, a Croatian and an Algerian all went to a night club.

The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai."

The ''so called' experts on the BBC Food programme that said that the Onion is the only vegetable that can make your eyes water.......
Have clearly NEVER been hit in the bollocks by a Turnip....

Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)!

Dear Deirdre,

I am a sailor in the merchant navy. My parents live in South London and one of my sisters, who lives in Brixton, is married to a guy from Cardiff. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Wormwood Scrubs for the rape & murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other currently being held in Wandsworth on remand centre on charges of incest with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who indeed is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel, however, her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with an STD. We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel with my fiancé utilising her knowledge of the industry working as the manager.

I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, it would at least get them off the streets and hopefully the heroin. My problem is this; I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her.

Should I tell her about my brother-in-law being Welsh?

We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold...

Staring at her naked body, I asked what she wanted. She told me to go for something between a smack and a stroke. So I went for a smoke.

Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)!

Mate " In what sate was president kennedy in when he was shot ?"

Me " A terrible state"

Theres someone in my head ... But its not me

X/Box game Tag bazcpfc1961, clan (HMS)