i agree 100& with you there ricky. obviously i'd love to go and spark him but that might escalate the situation. right now i'll guess i'll play it by ear and see what happens. thanks for all the tips and advice people

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Wonderful post Ricky, bet you'd have loved to have chinned him though.

I just dont understand how a man can physically abuse somebody they supposidly love. There must be something wrong upstairs for them to do that!

Nuff Said...

shut up and get back in the kitchen, before I spend your housekeeping.....

My username has nothing to do with my religious beliefs

I generally hate people who say 'I know best because.... etc etc', however, I work for the probation service and am currently working with a couple of domestic abuse offenders, and it is an area which I have some knowledge in, so here's my opinion.

JollyStef, your post made me angry, anger which I won't voice here, suffice to say, your posts ARE way off, that's not my opinion, that is a fact.

becky's post was spot on, along with a couple of others. Very rarely is it a case of some bloke has upped and clumped his wife without any prior abuse. Abuse can include emotional abuse, controlling or extreme jealous behaviour, demeaning a partner, or all sorts of other things. Generally, a lot of this will have occurred for a substantial period, leaving a woman extremely vulnerable before she has been hit. She then gets hit, but feels that her only emotional support is the very person who has hit her.

As becky said, a lot of women who are abused will be of the state of mind that they deserved it, and had somehow provoked the violence, this is often not the case, even if it is, they by no means deserve to be assaulted.

tetley, you should be very concerned, as someone else posted, it is likely that this woman will be assaulted again, possibley many many times, before she does something about it. Report it to the police, even if nothing comes of it, your report to the police will be kept on file. You need to do more than just be a friend if you are seriously worried about this woman's safety. If you are concerned about the consequences for her if the police become involved, alert the police to that, it will not be an unusual situation and they will have ways of dealing with it.

Not to put too much pressure on you (apologies) but how will you feel if she turns up dead and you have not contacted the appropriate authorities?

Sh*t. What? Rollers. No. Yeah. Sh*t.

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Absolutely spot on Palace Pat. I have since spoken to my brother who is in the police. He tells me that a lot of people see this kind of thing --- and then don't let them (the police) know until they have to pick up the pieces after a serious assault.

They have procedures to deal with these kind of reports. At least there is a chance they will look into it -- but only if they know about it.

R.I.P. DJ Hardline -- Gone Way Too Soon

GKAS Member 54

It seems to me most people on here now think i'm some kind of wife-beater just because i was trying to make a point whilst I'm probably the nicest guy going in a relationship.

Before I shut up on this thread let me just make clear to you all I do NOT approve of wife-beaters, I despise these people and I think they should definately be punished. I never said i agreed with men hitting women, that is indeed something which should NEVER happen.

The point I tried to make was regarding how you handle this as the woman. As palacepat said "Very rarely is it a case of some bloke has upped and clumped his wife without any prior abuse. Abuse can include emotional abuse, controlling or extreme jealous behaviour, demeaning a partner, or all sorts of other things".

Well, all I was trying to say is that women sometimes handle this "first abuse" situation wrongly, which then is the green light for these cavemen to up the tempo and intensity ! AND THEN IT IS THE WOMENS' FAULT, that's all. They should always draw a line to start of with because some blokes are violent !

If this is so wrong then i apologise !!

Well, that was it, you can all go on pointing out how my posts disgust you !

Edited by JollyStef (24 Mar 2005 10:21am)

finished

Steff.....with points..... in a dress!!

Mmmmmmm!!

R.I.P. DJ Hardline -- Gone Way Too Soon

GKAS Member 54

Leaving their partner the first time a violent incident occurs is the obviously logical answer...
BUT
don't forget that a lot of the time love is involved.
If the woman loves her partner, and if he begs for her forgiveness and promises it will never happen again, or promises he'll change, she probably will forgive him and believe him because she wants to believe him.

If 'most people' included me, I certainly do not think you are some kind of wife beater, I don't know you and to assume something like that on the strength of a couple of posts I disagree with would be outrageous. I just disagree with your posts.

It's fairly obvious that we'll have to agree to disagree but still I can't resist getting another tuppence worth in.

Of course the ideal situation is that if violence happens once, the woman ends the relationship. However there are a multitude of reasons why it is not that simple, that much is obvious by statistics showing that women in violent relationships often DO NOT leave at the first or second occurrance of violence.

As such I would say that vioence is not the woman's fault simply because she does not walk away from a violent relationship.

If you knew someone (maybe you do) who was in an abusive relationship, and had suffered violence more than once, would you say to that woman's face that it is her fault, and she deserved it because she has not left?

Sh*t. What? Rollers. No. Yeah. Sh*t.

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