My eldest son has turned 13 today.

What should I expect in this next stage of parenthood?

Socks will go missing. Or in my instance - a pillowcase.

Big chest and massive boobs

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He will dye his hair black, but a copy of Floodland and start sewing thought provoking political badges to his school bag.

A bl**dy good time Nick. Someone with their own opinions that still admires their parents. And someone a bit more under their own steam.

Do expect some pain, normally earlier in girls, where they want to rebel but don't quite know what against. But overall you get a better companion with whom you just occasionally have to tread on eggshells.

Expect some phases however where they exude a certain sense of disappointment with their parents as they develop their opinions.

To me, the friendship group is all important. If you trust their mates all is well, if not you will have problems.

Barmy left-wing postings on football forums.

mother-in-law is an anagram of woman hitler

Did this happen at midnight?

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We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold...