December 2 2005

Crystal Palace

An intrepid and fearless band of CPFC fans trekked to the wintry north-east. Jamesey was one of them...

An attractive fixture awaited us in Middlesbrough (Wed, Nov 30) and the home team would be hell-bent on retrieving the Carling League Cup which they won two seasons ago.

I arrived at Kings' Cross to find that the entire north-east rail network of Britain was in chaos, with long delays and cancellations, because of a "fatality on the line".

It is disgracefully inconsiderate of those of a suicidal disposition to splatter themselves under a train. A bottle of vodka and a jar of barbiturates does the trick far more pleasantly and causes minimal inconvenience to those of us who wish to remain on the planet and move about on it.

As it transpired, I managed to make my connection at York with seconds to spare after a most unwelcome sprint over the railway footbridge.

Reaching my Middlesbrough hotel, I was denied access to my room for an hour because the computer had crashed and couldn't check me in.

This wasn't going to be one of "those" trips was it?

The city of Middlesbrough, built on the Victorian iron industry, seemed a pleasant enough place and this southern softie was amazed at the number of bodies wandering about in tee-shirts in sub-polar temperatures.

At the superb Riverside Stadium, it became evident that Boro weren't messing about. There was even a whiff of Boro First Eleven versus Palace Reserves when the teams were announced.

But reserves or not, the scoreline of 0-1 at half time - due to a brilliantly executed own goal by Franck Queudrue - was extremely gratifying.

Although we played some fine football in the second period, goals from Mark Viduka and Szilard Nemeth settled the tie.

Our small contingent - Iain Dowie's red-and-blue platoon, rather than armee - swallowed our disappointment.

The following day, I partook of a massive, five-piece breakfast in Sarah's restaurant in the Cleveland shopping mall. All fried in pure Teesside axle grease (and only £1.80), it was an artery-blocking feast the like of which I rarely eat now, due to the fear of death.

Duly fortified, before catching my London-bound train, I strolled through the bracing North Sea breeze down to the Transporter Bridge (50p a time for pedestrians).

The Teesside ferry is the iconic symbol of Middlesbrough and a must-see-and-do experience for visitors.

But it was not to be... an electronic sign beamed out the message - "Transporter Bridge closed due to maintenance work".

Email Jamesey with any of your comments to Jevans3704@aol.com

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