Does anyone know anyone of influence at the Palace ground?

I fancy being Palace manager.

My qualifications:

I've managed teams, ranging from the Croydon Municipal Sunday League to staff of some trade magazines you've never heard of.

In both capacities, it's not a lie to say I was 'fired with enthusiasm'.

My strategy for CPFC would be:

Adopt a 'football centric' approach, placing a ball at the heart of the pitch, be that at the kick off or each time the game was re-started.

Flexibility: I would allow myself to get pulled all over the place, by turns appeasing the opinions of fans, the media and football agents.

Cloud based blue sky thinking. With my head firmly in the clouds, I would dare to dream of great things

Hard headed finance: I wouldn't be afraid to delegate power (that's a sign of a good manager) and I would boldly leave the finance up to American private equity asset strippers, Russian Oligarchs and or Malaysian Betting Syndicates.

With a passionate commitment to diversity, I would deliver a range of explanations for our position in the table, in real time.

In the words of my communications director, Mick Smetaphor, we have a mountain to climb and a thousand mile journey in a Chinaman's shoes.

In summary, I believe passion for football is not just about quoting Bill Shankley - it's about the 3 Cons - conversation, confidence and convictions.

I would be delighted to answer any questions.

James, thanks for your critique!

The mixed metaphor is a reference to two chinese proverbs.

There is an old Chinese saying: The hardest part of the thousand mile journey is the first step.

Another Chinese Proverb says: Never judge a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes.

I was mixing the two up. A hint is in the name of the spokesman Mick Smetaphor.

I present this as evidence that I wasn't being racist about chinese people. I'd like to think it was quite the opposite.

Anyway, I will leave that to the jury to decide.

Glad you like the rest of it though

thanks again

Edited by OhthisbloodyPC (07 Jun 2017 9.47am)

Edited by OhthisbloodyPC (07 Jun 2017 9.48am)

Thank you son of Royhodge, your application will be noted and you will no doubt enter the betting odds so that we're convinced that you will be the next manager because the bookies always know best and are never just influenced by how much money is being placed.

We look forward to your post match excuses.

Get a hobby, Alan.

COYP

The job's practically in the bag. Cheers.

Steve Parish is a friend of a bloke who drinks in The Two Brewers, although he doesn't seem to be there when I go these days.

Are you interested in being the CPFC Diversity Officer?

Yep I will give it a go. I will start producing a slide show for Punch and the lads.

Been to Anfield twice seen 14 goals and my team haven't scored any