I did once tell them I had a £1 million loan from the Bank of China which I needed to buy the Wishy Washy Chinese Laundry.

It seems I definitely had PPI on it (they checked!) and they could get it back!

My other one is any call centre in India...

Keep em talking for a bit they are usually students and all say one day they would love to study in London. After a few minutes I tell them they have in fact been calling the security team at the UK border agency. That the number they are calling from has been traced and sophisticated voice recognition has verified their identity. They are now on a visa black list extending to include all direct relatives.

That tends to shift them and much laughter in the home or office!

when someone calls asking for someone or another , i just tell them that i can't help them cos i am a burglar and happened to pick up the phone

That's my experience too.... TPS appears to have no jurisdiction abroad and most calls come from there.

Sometimes rather than telling them to F off, it is more fun to pretend to be gay for men callers and a sexual pervert for women callers. They find that approach very uncomfortable!

I rarely get the car accident team anymore since I embarked on that strategy.

I love winding them up, had a call last year from a tosspot to say that they have recovered £430 bank charges, I said fantastic!!! I am going into town later, I will pop into the bank and collect! Ahh no can't do it like that, ok I said how do I get my money then? He said he needed to ask me some questions, how old am I ? I said that I was 18, do you have a barclaycard? Yes I said ( both blatant lies) he said that I had answered the questions correctly and would now need the long number on my barclaycard, I said ok it's upstairs, I'll just go and get it, I then put the phone on the side, went upstairs had a shower, toilet duties and got dressed which took about 20 minutes, when I came back down he had fu**ed off, he didn't ring back.
Had another recently asking about my car accident, I said what accident? He said he doesn't have that info, I said that's odd as I don't drive, the last accident I had was a couple of years ago when I sneezed and followed through, in other words I s*** my pants...I said anyway I don't talk to cold callers, he said why is that, I said cos your all c**ts,....he then hung up.

Majority of calls come from call centers, Computer systems call your number and when you answer any sales person avaliable has to take the call, Some of these centers have hundreds of staff. If you do not answer your number goes back into the system and they keep calling until the make contact. PPI,Insurance,Surveys etc are done mainly by the same company using the same records and computer system. Its the same when you call say your bank or Virgin Media often its the same call center. Majority of the companies that use these call centers are charged by the time that the operator is on the phone so the shorter you make the call the less money the call center makes.

I get the accident chasers on my mobile, I answer and say I'm driving at the minute can I help you ? then scream and bang the speaker, then russle it on my coat a bit then cut them off.

"It's not the bullet that's got my name on it that concerns me; it's all them other ones flyin' around marked 'To Whom It May Concern.'"