Yesterday I spent the whole day at home w**nking while everyone else was licking up to God in church. I feel like this is some kind of "Boxing Day" for the real International Day of Happiness. Especially as my knob aches a bit and I am extremely sleepy today.

Why are you only allocated an hour for hate? I live in a perpetual state of hate and resentment. In fact, I resent it when everyone else gets on the hate bandwagon. I was there in the beginning.

What books would you burn if you could?

I'd burn those 50 Shades books, everything by David Walliams and Microsoft Access 2003 For Dummies.

Autobiographies by B or less list 'celebrities'. I think that people like Shane Ritchie, Bobby Davro, Peter André and Kerry Katona should feel the force of God's wrath and I don't want them making a profit out of it.

If Kerry Katona's life has not been a bed of roses because of the gak, booze, pies or the poor choices she has made with men, then that is her problem and I would request that she keeps her gob shut. Equally, I don't expect Kerry Katona to be interested in my broken dishwater pump, my erratic shower or my twice broken housing sale chain and I certainly wouldn't write a book about these matters.

More to the point, I would like these books banned because when I am watching the football, it would mean peace rather than my wife saying 'Kerry Katina was a stripper, you know'.

"That was fun and to round off the day, I am off to steal a charity collection box and then desecrate a place of worship.” - Smokey, The Selhurst Arms, 26/02/02

I usually agree with you but isn't it lovely to laugh about someone whose life is so utterly b*llocks? I'd read Stephen Hawking's book for that exact reason if he could hold a pen long enough to write one.

And lets be honest here, pies, gak, booze and poor sexual choices is entirely what being in a band is all about. Ok, maybe not the pies, but I don't see Mick Jagger bitching about his life.

"One Nation Under God, has turned into One Nation Under the Influence of One Drug"
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