More good news has come from Steve Parish, when he announced that the September Goal of the Month jackpot is to be rolled over to next month.

If the current trend continues, the jackpot accumulation policy could continue for several months, until Wilfred Zaha returns. If we do manage to put away the resulting penalty, one lucky winner could find himself richer than Bill Gates.

Currently, Palace are not declaring any deposits in the onion bag. The reasons for this are complex and beyond the comprehension of the ordinary fan. The club is also bound to secrecy under compliance regulations. In answer to a freedom of information request, the club released these figures. Played 7, won 0, drawn 0, lost 7.

There is also negative balance of payments of minus 17. When seasonally adjusted against the first full year of Malcolm Alison's steerage, when Palace dropped two divisions, this looks quite positive.

For the aggrievance of Palace fans, the news is just the tonic they need to take them into the difficult winter months when, in the words of Ron Noades, half of Palace's team are expected to go missing.

Palace are bidding for Chinese stars

Wi Wun Wuns

And Lo N'time Sins

“ [T]here are known knowns; there are things we know that we know.There are known unknowns; that is to say there are things that, we now know we don't know.But there are also unknown unknowns – there are things we do not know we don't know. ”
—United States Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld

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The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "palace are going to stay up" Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"

Made in Bromley

A little boy goes to court because his parents beat him. The Judge asks him if he wants to live with his Mum. So the boy replies ‘ no my Mum beats me’. So the Judge asks him if he wants to live with his Dad to which replies ‘ no my Dad beats me up’

So the Judge who is now out of ideas says ‘so who would you like to live with?’ The boy replies ‘ Crystal Palace FC’. The Judge is really puzzled and asks ‘ well why Crystal Palace FC?’. The little boy replies ‘ well Mr Judge Crystal Palace FC never beat anyone’

What does a Palace fan do after watching the team win a game in The Premier league?

Turns off the machine.

Big chest and massive boobs

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