I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)
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 Ted the eagle  Waddon 29 Jan 15 10.42am |
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J. McArthur = Scottish hand job?
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| Horley Eagle Somewhere only I know 29 Jan 15 2.53pm |
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My girlfriend texted me to say she was in casualty. When I got home I watched all 50 minutes of it. Never saw her once, think she is lying. She's still not home yet. I'm starving.
Pinch me, I'm dreaming, but if it is don't let me know. |
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| rednblueblood 31 Jan 15 10.07pm |
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BBC News - Australia win the Asian Cup. North Korean News - North Korea win the Asian Cup
In dog beers I’ve only had one. |
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| BudgiesBeak London 03 Feb 15 6.37pm |
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An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, an American, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a New Zealander, a South African, a Croatian and an Algerian all went to a night club. The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can’t let you in without a Thai."
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| gonzo2 broadstairs 03 Feb 15 8.29pm |
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the yacht building business I started in my loft is doing well...... ....sales are through the roof
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| Palacetinian Surrey Fam 08 Feb 15 11.59pm |
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The ''so called' experts on the BBC Food programme that said that the Onion is the only vegetable that can make your eyes water.......
Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)! |
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| rednblueblood 09 Feb 15 10.41pm |
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My wife bought me one of those mood rings that,when worn change colour depending on how you are feeling. We have worked out that when I am in a good mood it turns green,when I'm in a bad mood it leaves a big red mark on her ugly stupid face.
In dog beers I’ve only had one. |
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| Canterbury Palace Whitstable 11 Feb 15 6.32pm |
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Dear Deirdre, I am a sailor in the merchant navy. My parents live in South London and one of my sisters, who lives in Brixton, is married to a guy from Cardiff. My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling marijuana and are currently dependent on my two sisters, who are prostitutes. I have two brothers, one who is currently serving a non-parole life sentence in Wormwood Scrubs for the rape & murder of a teenage boy in 1994, the other currently being held in Wandsworth on remand centre on charges of incest with his three children. I have recently become engaged to marry a former Thai prostitute who indeed is still a part time "working girl" in a brothel, however, her time there is limited as she has recently been infected with an STD. We intend to marry as soon as possible and are currently looking into the possibility of opening our own brothel with my fiancé utilising her knowledge of the industry working as the manager. I am hoping my two sisters would be interested in joining our team. Although I would prefer them not to prostitute themselves, it would at least get them off the streets and hopefully the heroin. My problem is this; I love my fiance and look forward to bringing her into the family and of course I want to be totally honest with her. Should I tell her about my brother-in-law being Welsh?
We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold... |
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| Palacetinian Surrey Fam 15 Feb 15 9.27am |
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'How do you feel about using toys in the bedroom?' she asked. 'Fine,' I said, 'But I can't see how we're going to fit a Scalextric in here.'
Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)! |
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| Palacetinian Surrey Fam 15 Feb 15 11.52pm |
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Staring at her naked body, I asked what she wanted. She told me to go for something between a smack and a stroke. So I went for a smoke.
Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)! |
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| Palacetinian Surrey Fam 15 Feb 15 11.57pm |
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'I'm your slave,' she said breathlessly, 'Make me feel completely helpless and worthless.' So I locked her in the shed and went to the pub. Her body trembled and shook.'I can't wait any longer, do it now!' she cried. 'OK,' I said and got the winter duvet from the airing cupboard. 'Harder!' she cried, gripping the workbench even tighter, 'Harder!' 'Alright,' I said, 'What's the gross national product of Nicaragua?' 'Hurt me!' she cried, pressing her body up against the shed wall. 'Alright,' I said. 'You're a terrible cook and I fancy your sister.' 'I'm a bad girl,' she whispered, 'Punish me in a way only a real man can!' 'Alright,' I said and left my wet towels on the bathroom floor. As we sat in the dark restaurant, she stroked my thigh and said 'I want to see your hardness.' 'Alright,' I replied, and punched the waiter. 'I want it now against this wall!' she ordered, 'And keep it up as long as possible.' 'Don't worry,' I said, 'I know how to put up a shelf.'
Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)! |
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| suicideatselhurst crawley 17 Feb 15 4.02pm |
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Mate " In what sate was president kennedy in when he was shot ?" Me " A terrible state"
Theres someone in my head ... But its not me X/Box game Tag bazcpfc1961, clan (HMS) |
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