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Regale me with your tales of failure with women...

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Red Card - User has been banned Jim'll Fist It For U Flag 20 Jul 09 3.21pm

I will begin.

At 16, the sluttiest, filthiest rag-bag in college didn't want to sleep with me because I was "too nice to her". I then followed her around like a puppy-dog for about six months hoping she would change her mind by... err... being nice to her?

FAIL.

 


Moving swiftly on...

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View til_i_die's Profile til_i_die 20 Jul 09 3.36pm Send a Private Message to til_i_die Add til_i_die as a friend

Hahaha, when I was 15 I tried to get off with this girl in my year who was about 6"4 and had the longest legs I'd ever seen. Unfortunately I was only about 5"6 at the time and my voice hadn't even properly broken by then.

Needless to say, I failed also.

 



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View cpfcwiltshire's Profile cpfcwiltshire Flag Kanagawa 20 Jul 09 3.46pm Send a Private Message to cpfcwiltshire Add cpfcwiltshire as a friend

When i was 17, met this girl and she liked me and i liked her. She came round my house and i thought we were going to have sex. After an hour and a half of talking to her i came out with "So, shall we have sex now?" which was met with the response of "NO, I dont just sleep with anyone".

That was the last time i spoke or saw her.

 


Going for best overseas poster in the next HOL Awards!

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View NEILLO's Profile NEILLO Flag Hove Beach 20 Jul 09 4.01pm Send a Private Message to NEILLO Add NEILLO as a friend

I really fancied a girl I worked with, but lacked the courage to ask her out. Then one afternoon after a lunchtime visit to the pub, I phoned the section she worked on, on a business matter. When she answered the phone I chatted to her for a while and she seemed so friendly that I heard myself inviting her to meet me for a drink at 5pm - which she cheerfully accepted.

Imagine then my disappointment ( that quickly became horror via shock ) when her bloater of a colleague turned up instead. Now I'd heard of Beer Goggles but didn't realise that the ears could also be affected.

To make matters worse, months later I relayed the story to my original target, thinking it might amuse her. It didn't.

 


Old, Ungifted and White

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Red Card - User has been banned Don Rogers Tache Flag hanging around the local Taco Bell... 20 Jul 09 4.17pm

Quote NEILLO at 20 Jul 2009 4:01pm

I really fancied a girl I worked with, but lacked the courage to ask her out. Then one afternoon after a lunchtime visit to the pub, I phoned the section she worked on, on a business matter. When she answered the phone I chatted to her for a while and she seemed so friendly that I heard myself inviting her to meet me for a drink at 5pm - which she cheerfully accepted.

Imagine then my disappointment ( that quickly became horror via shock ) when her bloater of a colleague turned up instead. Now I'd heard of Beer Goggles but didn't realise that the ears could also be affected.

To make matters worse, months later I relayed the story to my original target, thinking it might amuse her. It didn't.



Serves you right you office lothario you.

 


I know you are but what am I?

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View eagle in cornwall's Profile eagle in cornwall Flag Made In Thornton Heath. 20 Jul 09 4.32pm Send a Private Message to eagle in cornwall Add eagle in cornwall as a friend

I bet it didn't amuse her!!

 


........................Then along came Johnny Byrne! and the rest, as they say, is history.....................

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j2j007 Flag in a house, on top of a hill 20 Jul 09 4.32pm

I was about 17 and was at a house party, I was very drunk and then through my beer googles (I thought) I saw a girl I was really good friends with at college and had fancied for ages but never had the balls to ask her out, I went over a started chatting crap to her and lucky enough she was also very drunk it didnt take long before we were snogging in the garden, I couldnt beleive my luck !

After about 20 mins we took a break and I turned to go and get more drinks and as I looked up I got the shock of my life when I saw the girl I thought I was snogging standing at the door, It took a few seconds to realise that the girl I was snogging was in fact her (younger) sister !

They looked identical !

She slapped me across the face a run out, it took about 4 months before she would talk to me again !

 


I never laughed at Clowns when I was younger however in adulthood its a different story.............. Who's laughing now !!!!!

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Red Card - User has been banned Don Rogers Tache Flag hanging around the local Taco Bell... 20 Jul 09 4.37pm

I got hold of this real beaut on a holiday in Rhodes some years back.None of me mates could believe that I managed it(saucy buggers!)
I took her to the local nightclub,got well pissed up and did something so disgusting that I'd never reveal to anyone on this here site!

 


I know you are but what am I?

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View EagleEyedAlbert's Profile EagleEyedAlbert Flag ...too far north of the water. 20 Jul 09 4.40pm Send a Private Message to EagleEyedAlbert Add EagleEyedAlbert as a friend

whilst at a house party when i was 15, i managed to blag to a seriously fit 18 year old that i was also 18. By reeling off my older brother's educational program and place of study, she took my word for it. Being surrounded by about 20 of my mates who were all also 15, i thought i'd casually suggest we get out out of there. She drops in that a few of her mates are in a pub up the road, would i like to escort her there?

So off we go, casually mosying up to the pub, stopping for the odd snog and the like when from across the road, two of my school mates shout out in their semi-broken tones "alright Matt?" i ignore them and try to move on, she asks "who are they?"... "oh, they're just some of my younger (made up) brother's friends, let's keep going".
Just as we're about to get to the pub, she decides to tell me that i can't go in with her and after asking why, it turns out that she's already seeing two guys who are in there. My suggestion for her to go for hat-trick didn't go down well. But she took my number and said she'd call me maybe. This is where i should have quit whilst ahead.

Admitting defeat i let her go into the pub, go across the road to see the mates that i ignored and wait for a bus home. After sitting there and getting "s***, she was fit" type pats on the back, i decide i really need a piss. Being 15 and pissed, my brain decided it would be a good idea to go in the pub, casually swan past her table with the two cocks on, say hi, and go to the loo.

Now i'd never been to this pub before so in i go... casually walk past her and her mates (including some biiiig dudes) drop a casual "alright?" and walk round the bar. No sign of the gents round there so back i go, past her table again, and to her horror, drop another "Alright?"... sadly i was too focussed on making eye contact with her to notice a smal stool in my path... which i duely fell over- right over!

Getting up, dusting myself down i turned to see the barman giving me the expected "you better be leaving soon" eyeball. "sorry mate where's yer loo?" was greeted with a vague point to the other end of the bar, to which i headed. I staggered to the door which i believed to be the gents, glad of the awaiting solitude, only to open it and discover the f***ing fuse cupboard!

Turning round bemused, i discovered the actual toilet door... in i went, did my business, came out to ironic cheering to which i shouted "go f*** yourselves" and swiftly legged it.

she still hasn't called.

 


"IS HE!!?"

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"You don't own a dog & bark yourself, do you?"

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Red Card - User has been banned Don Rogers Tache Flag hanging around the local Taco Bell... 20 Jul 09 4.43pm

One of those 'wish I'd been there' stories.

 


I know you are but what am I?

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View kingdowieonthewall's Profile kingdowieonthewall Flag Rawlinsons end.(the Cronx) 20 Jul 09 4.45pm Send a Private Message to kingdowieonthewall Add kingdowieonthewall as a friend

I had just been binned by my first missus.
Confidence and self esteem were at an all time low.
After a few beers one night,my mate persuaded me to ask out a lovely girl working in the pizza shop we went to after the pub.
Suprisingly she accepted and went out with me a few days later.
On the date,that evening all i did was winge,piss and moan about my situation and ex.
Unsurprisingly that was that;
FAIL - TOSSER.
#Only good thing to come of it was I realised the error of my ways and stuck to getting mullered in my local and pretended I was a confirmed batchelor.Got laid regular after that.

 


Kids,tired of being bothered by your pesky parents?
Then leave home, get a job & pay your own bills, while you still know everything.

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Red Card - User has been banned Jim'll Fist It For U Flag 20 Jul 09 4.55pm

Quote Don Rogers Tache at 20 Jul 2009 4:37pm
did something so disgusting that I'd never reveal to anyone on this here site!


Did you shit in a cake icing tube and decorate her face with it?

Edited by Jim'll Fist It For U (20 Jul 2009 4:56pm)

 


Moving swiftly on...

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