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The Brighton Diaries

October 5 2005

Crystal Palace

Crystal Palace

Leon Knight is caught short in a downmarket shop, while Guy Butters has problems with his nipples. It's the weekly diary of life at Brighton & Hove Albion, by dowie101.


Chairman Dick Knight was delighted with the turn-out at today's march on the Labour Party Conference in favour of a new stadium.

"Brighton fans have done themselves, the club and the country proud by bunking off work." said Knight.

"There were about 10,000 here today: that would almost half-fill the planned stadium, proving we desperately need it. We were also honoured to have Des Lynham and Fatboy Slim supporting us on the march. With A-list celebrities like that, we're a shoe-in."

Police figures estimated attendance at the march at 4,000.


Christmas came early for Brighton as they were given the amazing present of a 0-0 away draw at Leicester. As many as 17 fans travelled up to the Midlands to witness their team have a 3 minute spell of flowing…. Sorry I meant throwing football. Hart took nine throw ins in the three minute spell, which pushed Brighton's possesion percentage up to a staggering 6%.

"It was like watching Brazilian football at one point" said Kerry Mayo. "but we defended their Brazilian football like true Brighton heroes". On the downside, Leon Knight was subbed off for burping in Dean Hammonds face, after a 70yd pass was meant to find the Brighton star, but ended up over the roof.

"You tell me how I'm meant to put the ball in the net with balls like that man?" He said at the after match press confrence. Later Knight was fined another 2 weeks wages for his actions.


McGhee gives the players a day off in celebration of yesterday's draw. Leon Knight takes girlfriend Tamatha Pebbles shopping, but is enraged when his credit card is refused in New Look.

Witnesses reported him shouting "Don't you know who I am innit? You should be paying *me* to come in here." The situation was resolved when captain Kerry Mayo came down and lent Knight the required £8.99.


Mark McGhee called a squad meeting today to review their season so far. Pats were shared on the back for their fantastic season so far, with sticks of rock and walls ice cream dished out to team members who McGhee thought had contributed to Brighton's league position.

"I feel that some of the squad need to be congratulated for what they have done" said McGhee. "Also I am starting a new thing.. Employee of the month. This months winner is Gary Elphick, for his constant wedgies he gives the team before they run out on the field.

"The boys hate, saying it affects their attitude before matches, but I think it's bloody funny. Keep it up son".


McGhee complimented his team's recent defensive record today.

"We've played a more open game lately, but Henderson has been great for us and we're looking really solid at the back. I'd say we're unlikely to let in many goals for quite some time." When asked if he wanted to knock on wood, McGhee said "We don't need superstition round here. As long as we've got good footballers, we'll be fine."

Leon Knight's accountant informs him that he's currently £4,000 in debt, due to being fined a total of 6 weeks' wages since 8th August.


Brighton's spectacular run of 3 draws was ended today by mid-table Norwich in a 3-1 home defeat. "I cant believe our run is over. It's been like a beautiful fairytail this past couple of weeks" said McGhee after the game. Frutos scored Brighton's only goal from the penalty spot, screaming to the fans afterwards as if he had scored a World Cup Final winning goal.

Meanwhile, Tamatha Pebbles is rumoured to have signed a glamour contract with local tabloid The Naughty Seagull, to help out boyfriend Knight with his financial troubles.


After yesterday's defeat, McGhee punishes the players with another jog on the beach - this time, topless. "I never knew my nipples could look like that." commented Guy Butters.

"The exercise is a way of getting them completely wiped so they feel like rubbish for the rest of the week. They certainly do not deserve to feel good after that performance, well except Frutos, who scored a screamer of a penalty. What a lad.

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