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I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)

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mezzer Main Stand, Block F, Row 20 seat 1... 26 Mar 14 10.19am
Just gone on Shelter's web site. They've got a home page. Seems a bit insensitive. Living down here does have some advantages. At least you can see them cry.

mezzer

Main Stand, Block F, Row 20 seat 1... 26 Mar 14 10.19am

Just gone on Shelter's web site. They've got a home page. Seems a bit insensitive.

Living down here does have some advantages. At least you can see them cry.

Mikeybaby 26 Mar 14 2.03pm
Quote mezzer at 26 Mar 2014 10.19am Just gone on Shelter's web site. They've got a home page. Seems a bit insensitive. Just went on the Diabetes support website and it asked me if I accepted cookies. Is this a trick question?

Mikeybaby

26 Mar 14 2.03pm

Quote mezzer at 26 Mar 2014 10.19am

Just gone on Shelter's web site. They've got a home page. Seems a bit insensitive.

Just went on the Diabetes support website and it asked me if I accepted cookies.

Is this a trick question?

Mikeybaby 26 Mar 14 2.04pm
Great, now the Vegan website mailing list is sending me spam :-/ Edited by Mikeybaby (26 Mar 2014 2.04pm)

Mikeybaby

26 Mar 14 2.04pm

Great, now the Vegan website mailing list is sending me spam :-/

Edited by Mikeybaby (26 Mar 2014 2.04pm)

PA Bedfordshire 26 Mar 14 10.05pm
Just been on the "How to avoid VD" website. It gave me a virus.

Bedfordshire 26 Mar 14 10.05pm

Just been on the "How to avoid VD" website.

It gave me a virus.

paperhat croydon 08 Apr 14 9.53am
Peaches Geldof has been found dead. Poppers, e's and whizz were found in the kitchen. Her other sisters were out shopping. Clinton is Clinton. I have known him for a long time, I know his mother... Simon Jordan

paperhat

croydon 08 Apr 14 9.53am

Peaches Geldof has been found dead.

Poppers, e's and whizz were found in the kitchen.

Her other sisters were out shopping.

Clinton is Clinton. I have known him for a long time, I know his mother... Simon Jordan

monkey Sittingbourne,but made in Bromley 11 Apr 14 6.21pm
the Chinese plane that went down, its been reported they've found the wings................now all they need to do is find the wongs.

monkey

Sittingbourne,but made in Bromley 11 Apr 14 6.21pm

the Chinese plane that went down, its been reported they've found the wings................now all they need to do is find the wongs.

eaglesforward thailand 11 Apr 14 10.42pm
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. I could-n't help noticing how happy you look"" she said. Whats your secret for a long happy life?""i smoke 3 packs of cigs a day"" he said. I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never exercise. thats amazing, said the woman, how old are you? 26 he said., , don't feed the seagulls

eaglesforward

thailand 11 Apr 14 10.42pm

A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. I could-n't help noticing how happy you look"" she said. Whats your secret for a long happy life?""i smoke 3 packs of cigs a day"" he said. I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and never exercise.
thats amazing, said the woman, how old are you?
26 he said.,
,

don't feed the seagulls

Johnny Eagles berlin 16 Apr 14 10.48pm
I've recently been reading long records of historical events while making love. I'm starting to enjoy annal sex. (Rubbish joke but I actually made it up myself!) ...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

Johnny Eagles

berlin 16 Apr 14 10.48pm

I've recently been reading long records of historical events while making love. I'm starting to enjoy annal sex.

(Rubbish joke but I actually made it up myself!)

...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

Horley Eagle Somewhere only I know 17 Apr 14 1.00pm
Quote Johnny Eagles at 16 Apr 2014 10.48pm I've recently been reading long records of historical events while making love. I'm starting to enjoy annal sex. (Rubbish joke but I actually made it up myself!) Probably sounds funnier in German Pinch me, I'm dreaming, but if it is don't let me know.

Horley Eagle

Somewhere only I know 17 Apr 14 1.00pm

Quote Johnny Eagles at 16 Apr 2014 10.48pm

I've recently been reading long records of historical events while making love. I'm starting to enjoy annal sex.

(Rubbish joke but I actually made it up myself!)

Probably sounds funnier in German

Pinch me, I'm dreaming, but if it is don't let me know.

Red-Blue-Yellow Surrey 28 Apr 14 2.44am
WHAT DO YOU CALL A MAN WITH A SEAGULL ON HIS HEAD? CLIFF. --------- Where do Generals keep their Armies? Up their sleevies. --------- Things not to say in a Gay Bar, No.1: "May I push your stool in sir?" I also enjoy posting on: Love Everton Forum, the Acceptable Face of Scouse Football. [Link] twitter.com/LuvEvertonForum Come and give it a look, new members would be lovely. Come and JOIN. Or they'll nick your telly.

Red-Blue-Yellow

Surrey 28 Apr 14 2.44am

WHAT DO YOU CALL A MAN WITH A SEAGULL ON HIS HEAD?

CLIFF.
---------
Where do Generals keep their Armies?

Up their sleevies.

---------
Things not to say in a Gay Bar, No.1:

"May I push your stool in sir?"

I also enjoy posting on: Love Everton Forum, the Acceptable Face of Scouse Football.
[Link]
twitter.com/LuvEvertonForum
Come and give it a look, new members would be lovely.
Come and JOIN.
Or they'll nick your telly.

Red-Blue-Yellow Surrey 28 Apr 14 3.28am
Remember, Walls have Ears. That's why I don't eat their sausages. ------------------ Where there's a Will, I want to be in it. ------------------ What do the initials 'TNT' stand for? The National Dyslexia Association. I also enjoy posting on: Love Everton Forum, the Acceptable Face of Scouse Football. [Link] twitter.com/LuvEvertonForum Come and give it a look, new members would be lovely. Come and JOIN. Or they'll nick your telly.

Red-Blue-Yellow

Surrey 28 Apr 14 3.28am

Remember,
Walls have Ears.

That's why I don't eat their sausages.
------------------
Where there's a Will, I want to be in it.
------------------
What do the initials 'TNT' stand for?

The National Dyslexia Association.

Red-Blue-Yellow Surrey 01 May 14 1.28pm
"Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?" "Don't buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They're b******s, and they do it on purpose. " A couple of Billy Connolly classics...I was going to add his Rangers vs Celtic gag (the one with poo in the shoe) but it's too long and I'm too lazy. I also enjoy posting on: Love Everton Forum, the Acceptable Face of Scouse Football. [Link] twitter.com/LuvEvertonForum Come and give it a look, new members would be lovely. Come and JOIN. Or they'll nick your telly.

Red-Blue-Yellow

Surrey 01 May 14 1.28pm

"Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he THINK he was doing at the time?"

"Don't buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They're b******s, and they do it on purpose. "

A couple of Billy Connolly classics...I was going to add his Rangers vs Celtic gag (the one with poo in the shoe) but it's too long and I'm too lazy.

Mapletree Croydon 01 May 14 1.46pm
Quote Johnny Eagles at 16 Apr 2014 10.48pm I've recently been reading long records of historical events while making love. I'm starting to enjoy annal sex. (Rubbish joke but I actually made it up myself!) Is rubbing yourself against the Beano yearbook Annual Sex then? Or sex to celebrate a divorce - annul sex. Edited by Mapletree (01 May 2014 5.05pm)

Mapletree

Croydon 01 May 14 1.46pm

Quote Johnny Eagles at 16 Apr 2014 10.48pm

I've recently been reading long records of historical events while making love. I'm starting to enjoy annal sex.

(Rubbish joke but I actually made it up myself!)

Is rubbing yourself against the Beano yearbook Annual Sex then?

Or sex to celebrate a divorce - annul sex.

Edited by Mapletree (01 May 2014 5.05pm)

CrazyLegs 08 May 14 4.58pm
Our ice cream man was found dead in the back of his van covered in 100 & 1000's police say he topped himself[small] d-.-b

CrazyLegs

08 May 14 4.58pm

Our ice cream man was found dead in the back of his van covered in 100 & 1000's

police say he topped himself[small]

d-.-b

Cannonball High in the Ozarks. 09 May 14 8.42pm
This asshole looked at my beer belly last night and sarcastically said, "Is that Courage , Bud or Stella?" I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out." Touch my coffee and I will slap you so hard even Google won't be able to find you.

Cannonball

High in the Ozarks. 09 May 14 8.42pm

This asshole looked at my beer belly last night and
sarcastically said, "Is that Courage , Bud or Stella?"
I said, "There's a tap underneath; taste it and find out."

Touch my coffee and I will slap you so hard even Google won't be able to find you.

Ghostage Ross On Wye 12 May 14 1.18pm
I was really surprised to hear that Boko Haram had taken all those girls, I always thought that 'A whiter shade of pale' was such a peaceful song.

Ghostage

Ross On Wye 12 May 14 1.18pm

I was really surprised to hear that Boko Haram had taken all those girls, I always thought that 'A whiter shade of pale' was such a peaceful song.

rednblue4eva Norwood 13 May 14 2.07pm
Apparently staying in bed and screaming "oh god" does not constitute going to church

rednblue4eva

Norwood 13 May 14 2.07pm

Apparently staying in bed and screaming "oh god" does not constitute going to church

Harpo Oxfordshire 18 May 14 12.35am
Quote rednblue4eva at 13 May 2014 2.07pm Apparently staying in bed and screaming "oh god" does not constitute going to church That may be so, but it certainly does mean going to Heaven!

Harpo

Oxfordshire 18 May 14 12.35am

Quote rednblue4eva at 13 May 2014 2.07pm

Apparently staying in bed and screaming "oh god" does not constitute going to church

That may be so, but it certainly does mean going to Heaven!

Red-Blue-Yellow Surrey 29 May 14 2.28am
Three pregnant women sitting in a Doctor's waiting room, all knitting while they wait to be seen. Knit, knit, knit, knit.... The first woman puts down her knitting, opens her handbag, takes out a packet of pills and takes two. "Oh, what's that you're taking?" asks the second woman. "It's Aspirin" she replies, " Doctor says it'll thin my blood" "Yes, I've heard about that" says the third woman. Knit, knit, knit, knit.... The second woman puts down her knitting, opens her handbag, takes out a pack of pills and takes two. "Are you on Aspirin too?" asks the first woman. "No, they're Zinc, Doctor says it helps Baby's development". "Yes, I've heard about that too" says the third woman. Knit, knit, knit, knit.... The third woman then puts down her knitting, opens her handbag, takes out a bottle of pills and takes two. "Oh, is that Zinc?" asks the second woman. "No" "Is it Aspirin?" asks the first. "No, it's Thalidamide, I'm no good at sleeves....." I also enjoy posting on: Love Everton Forum, the Acceptable Face of Scouse Football. [Link] twitter.com/LuvEvertonForum Come and give it a look, new members would be lovely. Come and JOIN. Or they'll nick your telly.

Red-Blue-Yellow

Surrey 29 May 14 2.28am

Three pregnant women sitting in a Doctor's waiting room, all knitting while they wait to be seen.
Knit, knit, knit, knit....
The first woman puts down her knitting, opens her handbag, takes out a packet of pills and takes two.
"Oh, what's that you're taking?" asks the second woman.
"It's Aspirin" she replies, " Doctor says it'll thin my blood"
"Yes, I've heard about that" says the third woman.
Knit, knit, knit, knit....
The second woman puts down her knitting, opens her handbag, takes out a pack of pills and takes two.
"Are you on Aspirin too?" asks the first woman.
"No, they're Zinc, Doctor says it helps Baby's development".
"Yes, I've heard about that too" says the third woman.
Knit, knit, knit, knit....
The third woman then puts down her knitting, opens her handbag, takes out a bottle of pills and takes two.
"Oh, is that Zinc?" asks the second woman.
"No"
"Is it Aspirin?" asks the first.
"No, it's Thalidamide, I'm no good at sleeves....."

coulsdoneagle London 29 May 14 2.47am
What does the Indian boy say to his mother when she leaves for work in the morning... 'Mumbai' What have the Mafia and going down on a girl got in common One slip of the tongue and you are in deep sh*t

coulsdoneagle

London 29 May 14 2.47am

What does the Indian boy say to his mother when she leaves for work in the morning...
'Mumbai'

What have the Mafia and going down on a girl got in common
One slip of the tongue and you are in deep sh*t

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