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I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)

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monkey Flag Sittingbourne,but made in Bromley 11 Aug 11 4.55pm Send a Private Message to monkey Add monkey as a friend

A Police station in Huddersfield got broken into last night and looters stole all of their Satnavs. Police are now looking for Leeds.

 
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Deleagle Flag "Bubba's bar 'n' grill" 11 Aug 11 9.51pm Send a Private Message to Deleagle Add Deleagle as a friend

A dad buys a lie detector robot which slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it at dinner.
'Son, where were you today?'
Son says 'at school dad.'
Robot slaps the son!
'Ok, i watched a dvd at my mates!'
'What dvd?'
'Toy story.'
Robot slaps the son again!
'Ok, it was a p***.' cries the son.
'What! When I was your age I didn't know what p*** was' says the dad.
Robot slaps the dad!
Mum laughs 'HaHaHa! He's certainly your son.'
Robot slaps The mum!

 

What can this strange device be?
When I touch it it gives forth a sound.



Eagles fit fans squad number 21, group 2

- =

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Killar Flag 13 Aug 11 11.33pm Send a Private Message to Killar Add Killar as a friend

I said to my mate'We’re in the middle of a huge recession, we’ve got Noel Edmonds on TV and we’ve got rioting on the streets of London. It’s like being back in the 80s'

He said 'Yeah, what’s next, Liverpool win the league?'

Oh how we both laughed.


Edited by Killar (13 Aug 2011 11.35pm)

 
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lanzarote ron Flag East Grinstead 16 Aug 11 2.37pm Send a Private Message to lanzarote ron Add lanzarote ron as a friend

The wife suggested I get myself one of those p3nis enlargers....... so I
did....she's 21 and her name's Angela.


Edited by lanzarote ron (16 Aug 2011 2.38pm)

 

When you're dead you don't know you're dead.

It is difficult only for the others.

It's the same when you're stupid.
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Horley Eagle Flag Somewhere only I know 19 Aug 11 2.22pm Send a Private Message to Horley Eagle Add Horley Eagle as a friend

Dear Santa,

Don't bother coming this year, I've got loads of stuff already.

Delroy, aged 9
Tottenham

 

Pinch me, I'm dreaming, but if it is don't let me know.
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wollongongeagle Flag wollongong 21 Aug 11 2.28am Send a Private Message to wollongongeagle Add wollongongeagle as a friend

A Tennessee State Trooper pulls over a pickup on the Smokey Mountains Highway and says to the driver, 'Got any I.D. ? '

The driver replies 'Bout wut?'

 

We are the goon squad and we're going to town. Beep Beep!
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Old Chap Flag Orpington 24 Aug 11 11.27am Send a Private Message to Old Chap Add Old Chap as a friend

Amazing Human Body


It takes your food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

One human hair can support 6.6 pounds.

The average man's p**** is two times the length of his thumb.

Human thighbones are stronger than concrete.

A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

Women blink twice as often as men.

The average person's skin weighs twice as much as the brain.

Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

Women

will be finished reading this by now.


Men


are still busy checking their thumbs






 

Trivial fact - Palace used to win 5-1 at least once a season, maybe next season?
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mooro Flag Within the Temples of Syrinx 24 Aug 11 11.53am Send a Private Message to mooro Add mooro as a friend

Police in the Seychelles have recovered the arm of shark attack victim Ian Redmond.
It was identified by a tattoo that said Arsenal for the league 2011/12.
In a statement, Police said not even a shark would swallow that !!!

 

There's no sun, the shadow of the wizard.......
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Old Chap Flag Orpington 30 Aug 11 6.27pm Send a Private Message to Old Chap Add Old Chap as a friend

A husband & wife were watching a TV program about psychology & the phenomenon of mixed emotions. The husband turned to his wife & said "That's a bunch of crap. I bet you can't tell me anything that will make me happy & sad at the same time" She said "Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick"

 

Trivial fact - Palace used to win 5-1 at least once a season, maybe next season?
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monkey Flag Sittingbourne,but made in Bromley 01 Sep 11 4.55pm Send a Private Message to monkey Add monkey as a friend

arsene wenger has blamed poor diet for arsenal's demise...........apparently before their recent trip to old trafford they 8-2 much.

 
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Camberite Flag Sutton 01 Sep 11 5.11pm Send a Private Message to Camberite Add Camberite as a friend

My drug addict wife's gone to Poland.
Krakow?
No, she only does Marijuana

 
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Old Chap Flag Orpington 01 Sep 11 9.20pm Send a Private Message to Old Chap Add Old Chap as a friend

A girl came up to me in the club and said, "I haven't had a cock for nearly two weeks now."

I asked her back to my place and we started fooling around.

We got undressed, and that was when I noticed that she still had the scars from the operation......

 

Trivial fact - Palace used to win 5-1 at least once a season, maybe next season?
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