 smudge17  29 Jul 14 12.00pm |
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What caused the airline to go bankrupt?
Runway inflation.
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| smudge17 29 Jul 14 12.00pm |
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What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breathe, idiot! BREATHE!
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| smudge17 29 Jul 14 12.00pm |
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Where do Floridians wash their clothes?
In Fort Launderdale.
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| smudge17 29 Jul 14 12.00pm |
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What's a frog's favorite drink?
Croaka Cola.
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| smudge17 29 Jul 14 12.01pm |
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What bone will a dog never eat?
A trombone.
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| smudge17 29 Jul 14 12.01pm |
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What does a wicked chicken lay?
Deviled eggs.
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| smudge17 29 Jul 14 12.01pm |
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Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?
A barber.
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| smudge17 29 Jul 14 12.01pm |
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What did the rude prism say to the light beam that smacked into him?
Get bent!
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| Horley Eagle Somewhere only I know 29 Jul 14 1.05pm |
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Slow day in the office Smudge?
Pinch me, I'm dreaming, but if it is don't let me know.
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| Red-Blue-Yellow Surrey 29 Jul 14 2.03pm |
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It will be ironic, if a black Pope is ever elected, that he will be surrounded by men in white robes with pointy hats swinging crosses in front of him.
I also enjoy posting on: Love Everton Forum, the Acceptable Face of Scouse Football.
[Link]
twitter.com/LuvEvertonForum
Come and give it a look, new members would be lovely.
Come and JOIN.
Or they'll nick your telly.
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| Red-Blue-Yellow Surrey 29 Jul 14 2.15pm |
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A tired doctor was awakened by a phone call in the middle of the night.
"Please, you have to come over right away," pleaded a distraught mother, "My child has swallowed a condom."
The doc dressed quickly, but before he could get out of the door, the phone rang again.
"You don't have to come over after all," the woman said with a sigh of relief. "My boyfriend's just found another one."
I also enjoy posting on: Love Everton Forum, the Acceptable Face of Scouse Football.
[Link]
twitter.com/LuvEvertonForum
Come and give it a look, new members would be lovely.
Come and JOIN.
Or they'll nick your telly.
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wollongongeagle  wollongong 30 Jul 14 1.00pm |
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The police had signs out looking for witnesses at the site of a hit and run.
I didn't see anything, but it wouldn't surprise me if it was the same c*** who threw a tricycle under my car
We are the goon squad and we're going to town. Beep Beep!
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| wollongongeagle wollongong 30 Jul 14 1.03pm |
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I've been tracing my families history on the computer.
It seems like I'm not the only one who watches p***.
We are the goon squad and we're going to town. Beep Beep!
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| Shifty97 Croydon 31 Jul 14 12.25pm |
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The king of crap jokes, what do you call a fish with no eyes ?
Fsh
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| Catfish Burgess Hill 03 Aug 14 10.12am |
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We regret to report that today's Summer Fete has been cancelled owing to an outbreak of tombola.
Yes, I am an agent of Satan but my duties are largely ceremonial
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Ketteridge  Brighton 03 Aug 14 10.22am |
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Quote Shifty97 at 31 Jul 2014 12.25pm
The king of crap jokes, what do you call a fish with no eyes ?
Fsh
My 7 year old asked me What do you call an deer with no eyes? No idea.
Told her what do you call i deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea
But stopped at what do you call a deer with no legs, no eyes and no p****? Still no f@@@ing idea
One supporter of hacking argued that without it "you will do away with the courage and pluck of the game, and I will be bound to bring over a lot of Frenchmen who would beat you with a week's practice -Blackheath secretary at first meeting of the F.A
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| doi209 Fighting for the weak and innocent... 05 Aug 14 9.32am |
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A man takes his ill pet hamster to the vet.
"Sorry. It's going to die. That's £25 please" says the vet.
"I want a second opinon, you quack", says the man.
The vet calls for his cat. It comes in, paws the hamster and shakes his head.
The vet whistles and in comes his labrador. The dog sniffs the hamster and shakes his head.
"That'll be £100" says the vet.
"Why the increase from £25" shouts the man.
The vet replies "extra for the CAT scan and lab report"
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Cannonball  High in the Ozarks. 05 Aug 14 3.34pm |
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Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me, she told him.
'Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes,' the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel'?
'Feels great', he replied; 'but I still think my thumb's broken!'
Touch my coffee and I will slap you so hard even Google won't be able to find you.
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| Hoof Hearted 06 Aug 14 10.29am |
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Alcohol and calculus don't mix.
Do not drink and derive!
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Johnny Eagles  berlin 06 Aug 14 11.48pm |
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Blind bloke walks into a fishmongers and says, "hello ladies!"
...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...
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