Two Andy Gorams, there's only two Andy Gorams...
- Kilmarnock fans to the Rangers keeper after he had been diagnosed with mild schizophrenia.

I've told the players we need to win so that I can have the cash to buy some new players
- Chris Turner, Peterborough manager, before LC QF, 1992.

If we played like that every week we wouldn't be so inconsistent
- Bryan Robson, Man U, 1990.

That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on.
- John Lambie, Partick Thistle manager, when told a concussed striker did not know who he was.

I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs...
- Andy Gray, Sky Sports.

Richard Keys: Well Roy, do you think that you'll have to finish above Manchester United to win the league?
Roy Evans: You have to finish above everyone to win the league Richard.

It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday.
- Radio 5 Live.

Football today, it's like a game of chess. It's all about money.
- Newcastle United Fan, Radio 5 Live.

I'm not a believer in luck..... but I do believe you need it.
- Alan Ball.

Merseyside derbies usually last 90 minutes and I'm sure today's won't be any different.
- Trevor Brooking.

Dumbarton player Steve McCahill has limped off with a badly cut forehead.
- Tom Ferrie.

I honestly believe we can go all the way to Wembley....unless somebody knocks us out.
- Dave Bassett.

And Arsenal now have plenty of time to dictate the last few seconds.
- Peter Jones.

What makes this game so delightful is that when both teams get the ball they are attacking their opponents goal.
- Jimmy Hill.

Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.
- David Ackfield.

What I said to them at half time would be unprintable on the radio
- Gerry Francis.

If there weren't such a thing as football, we'd all be frustrated footballers.
- Mick Lyons.

He's one of those footballers whose brains are in his head
- Derek Johnstone, BBC TV Scotland, 1994.

The crowd think that Todd handled the ball.... they must have seen something that nobody else did
- Barry Davies, 1975.

I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel
- Stuart Pearce, 1992.

Jimmy Hill: Don't sit on the fence Terry, what chance do you think Germany has got of getting through?
Terry Venables: I think it's fifty-fifty.

There's nobody fitter at his age, except maybe Raquel Welch
- Ron Atkinson lauds Gordon Strachan, 39.

If I walked on water, my accusers would say it is because I can't swim.
- Berti Vogts, Germany coach.

You don't have to have been a horse to be a jockey
- Arrigo Sacchi, Italy coach, defending a meagre playing record.

I was about to say, before something far more interesting interrupted...
- John Motson, France v Bulgaria.

The only way we will be going to Europe is if the club splash out and take us all to Eurodisney
- Dean Holdsworth, Wimbledon.

If the players want to make it hard for me, I am happy to make it twice as hard for them.
- Wendy Toms, the first female referee to officiate in a professional game.

The score is Sunderland nil, Leicester nil, the temperature is nil and the entertainment value is not much above nil.
- Sunderland v Leicester, Radio 5 Live.

I think having Wasps around here as well gives us that little buzz around the place
- Ray Wilkins on the QPR-Wasps groundshare.

This is an unusual Scotland side because they have good players.
- praise for the Under-21s from Javier Clemente, Spain's coach.

There are some great defenders here, I just don't know their names.
- David Ginola of Newcastle and France.

It took a lot of bottle for Tony to own up.
- Ian Wright on the Arsenal captain's confession to alcoholism.

Here are the official World Cup Colemanballs :

"Pires has got something about him, he can go both ways depending on who's facing him" - David Pleat

"Batistuta gets most of his goals with the ball" - Ian St John

"The good news for Nigeria is that they're two-nil down very early in the game"
- Kevin Keegan

"Moreano thought that the full back was gonna come up behind and give him one really hard" - Big Ron

"Adams is stretching himself, looking for Seaman" - Brian Moore

"I wouldn't be surprised if this game went all the way to the finish" - Ian St John

"Apart from their goals, Norway haven't scored" - Terry Venables

"The Croatians don't play well without the ball" - Barry Venison

"It had to go in, but it didn't" - Peter Drury

"That's lifted the crowd up into the air" - Barry Davies

"He never fails to hit the target. But that was a miss." - Bobby Robson

"Batistuta is very good at pulling off defenders" - Kevin Keegan

More Kevin Keegan (retired footballer/active TV audience annoyer) specials :

"Only one team can win this game....and that team is England", followed by Brian Moore "But wait a minute, here's Dan Petrescu...................."

"Chile have three options - they could win or they could lose"

"That would have been a goal if the goalkeeper hadn't saved it"

"I came to Nantes two years ago and it's much the same today, except that it's completely different"

"A tremendous strike which hit the defender full on the arm - and it nearly came off"

Some Big Rons :

"Zidane is not very happy, because he's suffering from the wind"

"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it - you can see it all over their faces"

"They've picked their heads up off the ground and they now have a lot to carry on their shoulders"

"Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw"

"He sliced the ball when he had it on a plate"