An Ode To Ricky Martin

[Link]

Back when Ricky Martin was this month's flavour,
My ex-wife would get very sticky labia,
Watching his latin hips swivel and sway,
While I called him a big f*cking gay.

And I'm finally proved right he's an uphill gardener,
Shovelling cock down like a hungry philanderer,
Ascending more shafts than a trapped chilean miner,
Piercing his bedrock like a hammer through bone china.

He recently received an award for being a homo,
Pipping to the post a rent boy named Fernando,
For doing good deeds to those who love the c*ck,
And those who love to frot and scissor and shock.

So why is it then when I whistle at some slag,
I don't get an award for being one of the lads,
It's a symptom of this horrid society gone bad,
I tell you it's political correctness gone maaaaad.

WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Fear not; drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed, to remove the stains.

Louis Walsh is famous
For three things - thats a fact.
He's Irish (and gay one too)
And he sure as hell can't clap.

When the time comes, I want die just like my Dad - at peace and asleep.
Not screaming and terrified.
Like his passengers.

An Ode To Adele

Your songs are about many relationships dysfunct,
Men who have left you brimming with spunk.

Given half a chance I'd join their swelling ranks,
Rolling you in the deep like a whale swimming in w*nks.

How dare you slim down you Croydon educated bruiser,
Your cum-buoyancy wanes like a WWII Cruiser.

Stay chubby or I'll have to set fire to the tears,
That I generate by becoming all of your fears.

The Dusty Springfield of now you're surely akin,
I wish you'd rest my nuts upon your chin.

So on to your break from music you do proceed,
Watch for me on your driveway on your tampons I feed.

Edited by Mongo Like Clunge (31 Dec 2011 1.29pm)

WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking red wine? Fear not; drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed, to remove the stains.

cracking. welcome back mate

[Link]
''careful Penny - we don't know what we're dealing with here''

An ode to Cheryl Cole

You're so much hotter,
than Gary Glitter,
Will you take it,
Up the alleyway behind the pub

FFS MURRAY

The Flying Picketts had 2 hits
They both got on my tits
but now Brian is gone
I hated them all
ba ba,ba ba, ba ba ba bah
just a shame, it was 'only you'

Edited by Forest Hillbilly (20 Jun 2012 8.18am)

"The facts have changed", Rishi Sunak