Milk This One....

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
...
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk
away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of
credit opened by your bank, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four
cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells
the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one
more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you
with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you
want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it
worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your
country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

The crowd is outstanding, and especially with the penalty after 44 minutes it was clear when we came out after half-time the welcome would be pretty loud and not too friendly. Crystal Palace wanted to strike back, so that was all clear. This is a wonderful place to play football - Jurgen Klopp

Conjunctivitus.com

That's a site for sore eyes.

Living down here does have some advantages. At least you can see them cry.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Cos it was stuffed inside Anthony Worral Thompsons' coat.

Pinch me, I'm dreaming, but if it is don't let me know.

Hanna-Barbera have revealed they have been attempting to break into the middle eastern market with an offer of a reduced priced Flintstones package. Kuwait don't want it, but Abu Dhabi do

Lend me a Tenor

31 May to 3 June 2017

John McIntosh Arts Centre
London Oratory School
SW6 1RX

with Superfly in the chorus
[Link]

Beastiality is wrong. Anyone who does this are fcuking animals.

When i see him, it's gonna be painful. Skinny little cont.

Japanese car thief, Tommy Tookamota.

When i see him, it's gonna be painful. Skinny little cont.

The minister for health is touring a hospital, he looks into a room and a man is being “pulled off” by the ugliest nurse he’s ever seen.

“What’s going on there?” he asks the hospital manager
Manager says “That man has a very rare condition, his testicles produce too much seamen. If it isn’t relieved then his testicles will burst so the nurse needs to help him every day.”

Tour continues, minister sees another bloke being given a BJ by a VERY attractive nurse.

“So what about that?” he asks

Manager says “Same condition – but the first one was NHS, this one is BUPA”

Trivial fact - Palace used to win 5-1 at least once a season, maybe next season?

Wife - "Can I drive?"

Husband - "No. I'm fine"

Wife - "Oh, please let me. I really want to!"

Husband - "No"

Wife - "I tell you what, if you let me drive, just for a bit, when we get home I'll give you a blowjob"
Husband - "Really?"

Wife - "Promise"

Husband - "Oh go on then"...

"And that, your honour, is the final entry from the black box on the Costa Concordia".

When i see him, it's gonna be painful. Skinny little cont.

I shagged an ugly Chinese woman in a lift..I know I know ....I was f***ing Wong on so many levels.

The world was a mess but his hair was perfect!

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years. When he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his p**** into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.

One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
"Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my p**** into the pickle slicer?"
Oh, Bill, you didn't" she exclaimed.
Yes, I did." he replied.
My God, Bill, what happened?"
"I got fired."
"No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?"
"Oh...she got fired too."

Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)!