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April 22 2024 5.14pm

I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)

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View Cannonball's Profile Cannonball Flag High in the Ozarks. 07 Feb 10 10.34pm Send a Private Message to Cannonball Add Cannonball as a friend

Apparantly, Liverpool football club is under investigation by the Inland Revenue for tax evasion.
- they've been claiming for Silver Polish for the past few years.

 


Touch my coffee and I will slap you so hard even Google won't be able to find you.

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View Mr Statto's Profile Mr Statto Flag Ifield 08 Feb 10 4.00pm Send a Private Message to Mr Statto Add Mr Statto as a friend

What sort of music should visitors to Stonehenge listen to?


Rock music

TAXI. Oi, TAXI

 


That's just the ramblings of a madman

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View Cannonball's Profile Cannonball Flag High in the Ozarks. 09 Feb 10 1.57am Send a Private Message to Cannonball Add Cannonball as a friend

Quote Mr Statto at 08 Feb 2010 4:00pm

What sort of music should visitors to Stonehenge listen to?


Rock music

TAXI. Oi, TAXI


The Stones ?

 


Touch my coffee and I will slap you so hard even Google won't be able to find you.

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View ben-n-17's Profile ben-n-17 Flag Horley, Surrey 13 Feb 10 1.55pm Send a Private Message to ben-n-17 Add ben-n-17 as a friend

As a coach, I personally, I don't see what John Terry's done wrong.
It says in the coaching manual that when a wingback leaves a hole, the centre back fills it!


Wahay!

 


Holmesdale Radio Presenter, Journalist at MailOnline and Sky Sports.
Radio: [Link]
Radio Twitter:


My Twitter:

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View ben-n-17's Profile ben-n-17 Flag Horley, Surrey 13 Feb 10 2.00pm Send a Private Message to ben-n-17 Add ben-n-17 as a friend

Quote Don Rogers Tache at 03 Feb 2010 9:42pm

Neil Warnock, Arsene Wenger, Alex Ferguson and Rafa Benitez are in a pub. Warnock gets up and gets a round in, Wenger gets up and gets the next round, then Ferguson and then Benitez.
Warnock then goes up and buys himself a pint and sits down.
Wenger, Ferguson and Benitez ask what the hell is going on? To which Warnock replies:


"This is the fifth round lads and none of you are in it!"

I'm impressed.
That one made me laugh out loud!

 


Holmesdale Radio Presenter, Journalist at MailOnline and Sky Sports.
Radio: [Link]
Radio Twitter:


My Twitter:

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jelholyoake Flag 14 Feb 10 1.44pm

Chris Tarrant asks Wayne Bridge, "For 64,000, what's the colour of Vanessa Perroncel's pubic hair.

A. Blonde B. Brunette
C. Black D. Ginger"?

Wayne replies, "Can i phone a friend"!

 


When i see him, it's gonna be painful. Skinny little cont.

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View TomThePalaceFanatic's Profile TomThePalaceFanatic Flag 15 Feb 10 1.12pm Send a Private Message to TomThePalaceFanatic Add TomThePalaceFanatic as a friend

I had me first cage fight the other day.....................................


F*cking budgie didn't know what hit it!

 

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View kent675's Profile kent675 Flag Bromley, Kent 25 Feb 10 11.27am Send a Private Message to kent675 Add kent675 as a friend

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass wind. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

 


Four wheels drives the body - Two wheels drives the soul

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View kent675's Profile kent675 Flag Bromley, Kent 26 Feb 10 8.11am Send a Private Message to kent675 Add kent675 as a friend

A woman's dog is drowning in the sea. A passing German tourist dives in, pulls out the dog, resucitates it & saves its life.'Are you a vet' said the woman. 'Vet?' said the German 'Im fukking soaked!'

 


Four wheels drives the body - Two wheels drives the soul

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View kent675's Profile kent675 Flag Bromley, Kent 26 Feb 10 8.14am Send a Private Message to kent675 Add kent675 as a friend

Got a new job with the Samaritans last week. Tried to phone in sick this morning, and the b******s talked me out of it!

 


Four wheels drives the body - Two wheels drives the soul

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View kent675's Profile kent675 Flag Bromley, Kent 26 Feb 10 9.46am Send a Private Message to kent675 Add kent675 as a friend

New Words for 2010

* SALAD DODGER
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

* SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive person.

* TESTICULATING
Waving your arms around and talking bollocks.

* BLAMESTORMING
Sitting round in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a
project failed, and who was responsible.

* SEAGULL MANAGER
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and
then leaves.

* SALMON DAY
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get
screwed and die.

* CUBE FARM
An office filled with cubicles.

* PRAIRIE DOGGING
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and
people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
(This also applies to applause for a promotion because there may be cake.)

* SINBAD
Single working girls. Single income, no boyfriend and desperate.

* AEROPLANE BLONDE
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.

* PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE
The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it
to work again.

* OH - NO SECOND
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just
made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all').

* GREYHOUND
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

* JOHNNY-NO-STARS
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who
works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges
displaying stars that staff at fast-food restaurants often wear to show
their level of training....

* MILLENNIUM DOMES
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from
the outside, but there's actually naught in there worth seeing.

* MONKEY BATH
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: 'Oo! Oo! Oo!
Aa! Aa! Aa!'.

* MYSTERY BUS
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the
toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so
the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

* TART FUEL
Bottled premixed spirits, regularly consumed by young women.

* TRAMP STAMP
Tattoo on a female

* PICASSO BUM
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's
got 4 buttocks

 


Four wheels drives the body - Two wheels drives the soul

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View Johnny Eagles's Profile Johnny Eagles Flag berlin 09 Mar 10 2.55pm Send a Private Message to Johnny Eagles Add Johnny Eagles as a friend

Where does a baby monkey sleep?

In an apricot

 


...we must expand...get more pupils...so that the knowledge will spread...

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