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I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)


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Jake d'Eagle Flag in the section labelled 'shirts', ... 19 May 08 4.36pm

My cousin is an agoraphobic homosexual, which makes it kind of hard for him to come out of the closet.

 

Put a Glide in your Stride, and Dip in your Hip,
Come on over to the Mothership, baby

[Link] Transformation is Happening
Southampton_Eagle Flag At the after party 19 May 08 4.37pm

Quote Jake d'Eagle at 19 May 2008 4:33pm

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

Two bits of black tarmac having a pint in the pub when a piece of green tarmac walks in. 1st black tarmac says to 2nd black tarmac 'Steer clear of him, he's a cyclepath'


 
Jake d'Eagle Flag in the section labelled 'shirts', ... 19 May 08 4.37pm

I was stopped once for going 53 in a 35 mile zone, but I told em I had dyslexia.

 

Put a Glide in your Stride, and Dip in your Hip,
Come on over to the Mothership, baby

[Link] Transformation is Happening
Southampton_Eagle Flag At the after party 19 May 08 4.38pm

Two pieces of chewing gum sat in the pub when a Locket walks in. One bit of gum says to the other 'watch him, he's fcuking menthol'

Edited by Southampton_Eagle (19 May 2008 4:39pm)

 
Jake d'Eagle Flag in the section labelled 'shirts', ... 19 May 08 4.40pm

I called the Incontinence Hotline. They said, "..can you hold please!"

 

Put a Glide in your Stride, and Dip in your Hip,
Come on over to the Mothership, baby

[Link] Transformation is Happening
Jake d'Eagle Flag in the section labelled 'shirts', ... 19 May 08 4.42pm

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

 

Put a Glide in your Stride, and Dip in your Hip,
Come on over to the Mothership, baby

[Link] Transformation is Happening
Jake d'Eagle Flag in the section labelled 'shirts', ... 19 May 08 4.43pm

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

 

Put a Glide in your Stride, and Dip in your Hip,
Come on over to the Mothership, baby

[Link] Transformation is Happening
Jake d'Eagle Flag in the section labelled 'shirts', ... 19 May 08 4.45pm

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

 

Put a Glide in your Stride, and Dip in your Hip,
Come on over to the Mothership, baby

[Link] Transformation is Happening
Jake d'Eagle Flag in the section labelled 'shirts', ... 19 May 08 4.45pm

Wanted: Telepath - you know the number.

 

Put a Glide in your Stride, and Dip in your Hip,
Come on over to the Mothership, baby

[Link] Transformation is Happening
Southampton_Eagle Flag At the after party 19 May 08 4.46pm

Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new wife? No?

Neither has he.

 
Jake d'Eagle Flag in the section labelled 'shirts', ... 19 May 08 4.46pm

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

 

Put a Glide in your Stride, and Dip in your Hip,
Come on over to the Mothership, baby

[Link] Transformation is Happening
Jake d'Eagle Flag in the section labelled 'shirts', ... 19 May 08 4.47pm

Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?


(I'll stop now.)

 

Put a Glide in your Stride, and Dip in your Hip,
Come on over to the Mothership, baby

[Link] Transformation is Happening
Southampton_Eagle Flag At the after party 19 May 08 4.48pm

Stevie Wonder said that the last book he read was terrifying. Definitely the scariest braille book. He didn't realise it was a cheese grater.

 
Don Rogers Tache Flag hanging around the local Taco Bell... 19 May 08 4.48pm

Linda Lovelaces dentist said she's got the best teeth he's ever come across!

 

I know you are but what am I?

Dulwichsteve Flag (Another Girl) Another Planet 19 May 08 4.49pm

If at first you don't succeed suck harder

 

I'm a sleeping dog, but you can't tell
When I'm on the prowl you'd better run like hell
nickgusset Flag Shizzlehurst 19 May 08 4.50pm

What do you do if your nose goes on strike?

Picket

2 flies on Kojaks head. 1 says "smile", the other says "why"
"we're on Telly"

Edited by nickgusset (19 May 2008 4:51pm)

 
chollis Flag Dingly Dell 19 May 08 5.23pm

I walked into the pub and the fag machine called me a cnut, but a dish of peanuts said how nice I looked.

The barman explained that the fag machine was out of order and the peanuts were complimentary.

 

Loverman is a fcuking arsehole.
bobclaridge Flag london s.norwood 19 May 08 6.03pm

.

Edited by bobclaridge (19 May 2008 6:03pm)

 

."...when two opposite points of view are expressed with equal intensity, the truth does not necessarily lie exactly halfway between them. It is possible for one side to be simply wrong."

Richard Dawkins
bobclaridge Flag london s.norwood 19 May 08 6.07pm

"I'm off to Spain next week".

"Nice.which part?"

"All of me"

 

."...when two opposite points of view are expressed with equal intensity, the truth does not necessarily lie exactly halfway between them. It is possible for one side to be simply wrong."

Richard Dawkins
asquithd Flag Carshalton 19 May 08 6.20pm

What's white and can't climb trees?

A fridge.

Edited by asquithd (19 May 2008 6:20pm)

 

I was there

19/12/2006

My website - it has over 300 free things to do in London - ideal for parents or students, or anyone really
[Link]
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