Ah, fair enough.

10/10/05

Leon Knight was furious today, following the publication of a topless photo of his girlfriend, Miss Brighton 2005 Tamatha Pebbles, in local tabloid The Naughty Seagull. "It's bang out of order." said Knight in a statement. "What about privacy innit? My girl's bristols are my business. Those fools are going to get smacked down, you get me? I got lawyers."

The Naughty Seagull responded with its own statement, pointing out that Miss Pebbles had recently signed a glamour contract with them, the photo was on page 3, and had a message from Tamatha next to it saying how excited she was to be cheering up the lads of Brighton. They also alluded to rumours that Miss Pebbles was modelling to support Knight in his current financial crisis.

Knight could not be reached for further comment.

11/10/05

Fans were delighted today as young hotshot Jake Robinson signed a new 3-year deal at the club.
"This is great news," said manager Mark McGhee. "It's virtually like signing a new player. On a free transfer. From League 1."

12/10/05

With the visit to south east rivals Crystal Palace only 6 days away, preparation began in earnest today with McGhee showing the players a video of the Eagles' most dangerous players. "I haven't got a clue how to actually stop, say, Andy Johnson scoring," said McGhee. "But I'm a great believer in the power of positive thinking. So, just get yourselves and all your family and friends to hope that these guys don't play."

Crystal Palace were rumoured to be placing cards on seats at Selhurst Park for fans to hold up, to turn their parts of the stadium red and blue. McGhee announced the Brighton fans would be doing the same. "I think everone's aware of the links between our club and the lovely Tamatha," he smiled, "So we're having cards printed out that, when held up by our away support, will re-create her picture from The Naughty Seagull. I'm sure young Leon will be proud."

Leon Knight reportedly sat in the corner, digging his nails into his palms as a vein on the side of his head throbbed visibly.

13/10/05

Rising Brighton & Hove Albion boyband C-Gullz were in final rehearsals today in preparation for their fund-raising performance on Saturday. Their entire fan club - consisting of Timmy Liptrott and his pet dog - queued outside for autographs from the stars.

"We're building a real buzz," said Richard Carpenter. "Just the other day, a reporter from the Chronicle called to ask if this was some sort of big joke, which shows the kind of interest and mystery we're creating." Carpenter also revealed he was considering a solo career. "I know it's early days, but you can't play football forever. I want to share my gift with the world."

14/10/05

Brighton chairman announced today that he still has heard no news from his "pal Diego" Maradonna, since the rumours circulated last week that he might be interested in investing in the club.

"He's a great lad Diego. We do play in the same colours as that country of his so I know that he's dying to come over here. Maybe it's a work permit thing I don't know, but I have a feeling he'll be an Albion player or something soon.

Meanwhile, more preperations were being made for the giant Tamatha Pebbles card show next week at Crystal Palace. Sam Ateitall, editor of the Brighton fanzine stated, "we have decided to add a seagull just above her naked shoulder, it makes it more arty don't you think?"

15/10/05

The Withdean Stadium was treated to a huge buzz as C-Gullz made their debut performance in front of the crowd at Withdean, with a hip-hop-style version of "Oh I Do Like To Be Beside the Seaside."

"I thought it was amazing!" gushed Gary Hart afterwards. "I swear I only heard about seven or eight boos - well, from our fans anyway - which just shows how far we've come. I wasn't sure that Richard Carpenter's freestyle rap about bitches on donkeys was the best idea though." Brighton later revealed that donations inspired by the performance had almost broken the two-figure mark.

On the football side of things, McGhee shook up his first team today, leaving out experienced players Charlie Oatway and Kerry Mayo, in a brilliant managerial gamble that sadly resulted in a 1-2 home defeat to Cardiff. However, consolation came in the form of another goal from on-loan Man U defender Paul McShane.

"He's almost our top scorer now, which I think shows the kind of sophisticated total football we play here at Brighton. It's a shame Jake Robinson can't defend else we'd be doing quite well."

16/10/05

McGhee called a crisis meeting with senior squad members today, to discuss Brighton's current problems on the pitch. With a brief of trying to work out why they were bottom of the league, the players concluded it was probably because they had less points that everyone else, as a result of not winning many matches.

Based on these findings, McGhee outlined a strategy to remedy the situation:

1. Win more games.
2. Lose less games.

"We're really happy with today," said Charlie Oatway. "The gaffer took on board what we said, and showed us how we can turn things around. We just need to win more games. I don't know why we didn't see it before, really." Oatway suspected the club could now launch a push for the play-off places.

Edited by dowie101 (18 Oct 2005 10:59am)

Brighton Diaries!! - Voted funniest thread 2005/06

ALLEZ LA BLEU!!! and red

top drawer....

look forward to a weeks time...unless you do a special after tonights match ??!!

Sheer Class As Always, superb Dowie101

Remembering staffie for ever!, a gentleman and true great. unfortunately the HOL will never be the same without him.

Great as usual, Sean!

Nice idea, too!

hoping the diaries are gona go purely fictional from tonight, dont think even they could turn palace's performance tonight into something enjoyable....having said that it is quite comical in a kind of 'im crying' way

come on palace, we can score two in injury time!