I say,I say ,I say.....crap joke thread! (LOCKED)
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 Palacetinian  Surrey Fam 28 Feb 12 11.53am |
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Do you remember those two terrible winters we had? What are the three most popular owls in the UK? Fella goes into a restaurant and orders a pizza. The waiter says, 'Do you want in cut into six or eight slices?' and he replies, 'Six please, I'm not that hungry'!
Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)! |
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| sa_eagle Just outside Cape Town 01 Mar 12 12.50pm |
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When my wife told me about the sudden death of Davey Jones from the Monkees I thought she was joking. Then I saw her face, now I'm a bereaver!
Cynic or realist? It's a fine line! |
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| Palacetinian Surrey Fam 01 Mar 12 3.12pm |
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Quote sa_eagle at 01 Mar 2012 12.50pm
When my wife told me about the sudden death of Davey Jones from the Monkees I thought she was joking. Then I saw her face, now I'm a bereaver! RIP Davy Jones. From an obituary today: "There were reports of a tempestuous, even physically abusive relationship, but he insisted in an interview last year that he had never been happier, and explained away bruises he was seen with as being the result of walking into a lamppost.
Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)! |
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| Dulwichsteve (Another Girl) Another Planet 02 Mar 12 11.29am |
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Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.
I'm a sleeping dog, but you can't tell |
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| Dulwichsteve (Another Girl) Another Planet 02 Mar 12 11.32am |
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Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' who has stabbed six people in the arse in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern.
I'm a sleeping dog, but you can't tell |
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Forest Hillbilly  in a hidey-hole 05 Mar 12 8.30am |
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I went to a party last night and met a woman who was desperate for an example of a "double entendre". So I gave her one.
"The facts have changed", Rishi Sunak |
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| Palacetinian Surrey Fam 05 Mar 12 11.25am |
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Quote sa_eagle at 01 Mar 2012 12.50pm
When my wife told me about the sudden death of Davey Jones from the Monkees I thought she was joking. Then I saw her face, now I'm a bereaver! [b]St Peter opens the pearly gates and says HEY HEY It's a Monkee!
Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)! |
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Dougiecito  In a dreamworld 05 Mar 12 9.13pm |
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What do you call a man with a lump of meat on his head? Hamed What do you call a man with 2 lumps of meat on his head? Mohamed What do you call a man with 2 lumps of meat and a vibrator on his head? Sheik Mohamed.
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| Palacetinian Surrey Fam 05 Mar 12 9.24pm |
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What do you call a man with a rabbit up his b*m?
Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)! |
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| Dougiecito In a dreamworld 05 Mar 12 9.29pm |
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I thought I saw your name on a loaf of bread the other day, but when I looked closer it said 'thick cut' That wasn't aimed at you Palacetinian Edited by Dougiecito (05 Mar 2012 11.46pm)
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| Palacetinian Surrey Fam 06 Mar 12 10.33am |
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For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven. "You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life. The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces. "You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them. Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."
Supporting Crystal Palace since 19.45 on 29th August 1972 (approximately)! |
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cpfcdboi  Thornton heath 07 Mar 12 7.27am |
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My wife took a pregnancy test this morning and my worst fears were confirmed.....
London born |
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